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Tag: Mother’s Day

A case for mothering

“Oh, I know that I owe what I am today to that dear little lady so old and grey / To that wonderful Yiddishe momme of mine.” (from the song “My Yiddishe Momme,” by Sophie Tucker, 1920s)

It was not until the early part of the 20th century that a day was created to honour and officially acknowledge the importance of mothers. Founded by American Anna Jarvis and first observed on May 10 in 1908, Mother’s Day will be celebrated this year on May 12.

But times change, and what may have applied in Jarvis’s time doesn’t go far enough in our present society. A distinction should be made between the mother and the act of mothering: one is a noun, the other a verb. Historically and biologically driven, the role of mothering has been primarily fulfilled by the biological mother. However, in the 21st century, this role is now often carried out by a variety of others, such as fathers, grandparents, adoptive parents, foster parents, step-parents or paid caregivers.

The explosion of neuroscience research over the past few decades has provided a meteoric rise in neurobiological literature with findings that support their predecessors’ observations and predictions in child development. Selma Fraiberg (1977) was farsighted when she wrote that mothering “is the nurturing of the human potential of every baby to love, to trust and to bind to human partnerships in a lifetime of love.” The evidence from various sources converges in the consensus that the human capacity to love is formed in infancy and this bond should not only be considered a gift of love to the baby, but a right – “a birthright for every child.”

Unfortunately, the recognition and awareness of the crucial role of mothering in a child’s healthy development and, consequently, to future generations, is gradually being eroded. It is often seen as a secondary role in the scheme of our busy lives. It was 42 years ago when Fraiberg wrote that we are seeing a devaluation of parental nurturing and commitment to babies and young children, which may affect the quality and stability of the child’s human attachments in ways that cannot yet be predicted. She warned that the deprivation of a mother or mother substitute will diminish a child’s capacity for life.

Fraiberg’s cautionary notice is eerily apparent in the growing numbers of young children and troubled youth as reflected in mental health issues and criminal behaviours. For example, Canadian Bullying Statistics (Canadian Institutes of Health Research, 2012) indicated that 47% of Canadian parents have had a child who has been a victim of bullying; Canada has the ninth-highest rate of bullying in the 13-year-old category in a survey of 35 countries; and at least one in three adolescents have reported being bullied.

The basic needs of children have not changed, but our priorities seem to have been rearranged, as advertisers increasingly shape our wants into needs. We did not invent childhood. We are only discovering what has likely existed since the beginning of time. Louis Cozolino, PhD, (2014) notes there is “a causal link between interpersonal experiences and biological growth.” These links are of particular interest in their impact on early caretaking relationships, when the neural infrastructure of the social brain is forming.

As Lloyd deMause notes in The History of Childhood, “That because psychic structure must always be passed from generation to generation through the narrow funnel of childhood, a society’s child-rearing practices are not just one item in a list of cultural traits. They are the very condition for the transmission and development of all other cultural elements, and place definite limits on what can be achieved in all other spheres of history.”

A world of mothers and mother substitutes has taken on the loving and arduous tasks of mothering, with all the pleasures and perils of parenting. To those who are fortunate to still have mothers in their lives – be thankful and let her know how much she is cherished. For those who don’t, treasure the memories that have become even more precious. And for those who are themselves mothers, you have undertaken the most difficult but important task of life with all its joys and sorrows. You have taken on the most valuable contribution to society and its future as well. So, to mothers and to those who mother, we honour you today and every day.

Libby Simon, MSW, worked in child welfare services prior to joining the Child Guidance Clinic in Winnipeg as a school social worker and parent educator for 20 years. Also a freelance writer, her writing has appeared in Canada, the United States, and internationally, in such outlets as Canadian Living, CBC, Winnipeg Free Press, PsychCentral and Cardus, a Canadian research and educational public policy think tank.

Posted on May 10, 2019May 9, 2019Author Libby SimonCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags children, lifestyle, Mother’s Day, parenting, women
Unique, unconditional love

Unique, unconditional love

(photo from discogs.com)

“Oh, I know that I owe what I am today to that dear little lady so old and grey, to that wonderful Yiddishe momme of mine.”

The beautiful song “My Yiddishe Momme” was written by Lew Pollack and Jack Yellen in the 1920s. Sophie Tucker sang it (among many others), making it a hit in 1925. It has become a classic in acknowledging the culture of that era, when the stereotypical mother was the very essence of love, warmth and selfless devotion and sacrifice. (See the 2006 article “Jewish Mothers” by Philologos in the Forward.)

This Sunday, May 13, many people will pay homage to their mothers. No matter the distance, flowers will be sent and phones will be ringing as sons and daughters take a few moments to honour the woman who nurtured and cared for them, who was the source and sustenance of life, and to acknowledge her sacrifices. On this day, once a year, we recognize the value of a mother. But, there is, perhaps, a contradiction that belies our actions. While we rightly honour our mothers on Mother’s Day, we devalue their role on other days. For example, the recognition and awareness of the crucial role of mothering in a child’s healthy development and, consequently, to future generations, is often seen as a secondary role in the scheme of our busy lives.

Psychologist and author Penelope Leach says in her book Child Care Today: Getting It Right for Everyone (Alfred A. Knopf, 2009), “unlike all other mammals, most of the growth of the human brain is postnatal, and continues for several years.” Social and economic pressures continue to present conflicts for all mothers in terms of child care, as attachment theory emphasizes the importance of mothering in the early years.

But mothers don’t have to be perfect. Like her children, she has her own needs and cares. Yet, she performs a multitude of tasks in ensuring her child’s needs are met, and that is a greater challenge and more important than any other undertaking. We can attempt to delineate her role in three areas: providing the basic physical, emotional and psychological needs; protecting her children from harm, along with safety, security and stability; as well as being a role model who offers guidance as her children make their way in the world. In what way can we define her worth? Do we put a monetary value on it? That is impossible because it is priceless.

To this point, I have only described the practical responsibilities that mothers do. What cannot be seen, but only felt, is the unconditional love that permeates her actions, which envelops her child like a warm blanket. We’re much like Linus, a character in the Charles Schulz’s Peanuts comic strip, who clings to that security blanket like a lifeline.

Perhaps the importance of my Yiddishe momme can best be expressed in the words of the child in each of us:

She gives me a hug when I am sad
And holds me close when I am mad
She cools my brow when I am sick
And puts my art work on the fridge
She makes me wear mittens, and a toque, and a scarf, and boots when it’s cold outside, even if I don’t want to
She holds me when I have bad dreams, when I am afraid of the dark, or when lightning and thunder scare me
She kisses me for no reason
She loves me just because I’m me.

These needs are not just for children. They remain with us all our lives. We learn how to satisfy them better as we “mature,” but, when life overwhelms us, or we feel sad or lonely or frightened, we all hunger for a mother’s touch, for a mother’s hug, for a mother’s love. As Barbra Streisand sings in the song, “People,” “we are … letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside.”

This is why the most fundamental loss of a mother – due to an untimely death, or her being present physically but absent emotionally or psychologically through mental illness or other debilitating disorder – is the loss of love. A child may recognize who they have lost but not what they have lost. Only in her absence does the impact of the loss become clearer. Only in her absence does her value become perceptible. Only when it disappears is the value of a mother deeply felt. And it is irreplaceable.

Doris Lessing, who was a Nobel Prize-winning author and lecturer at the CBC Massey Lectures, shared a deep insight in the 1986 essay “Prisons We Choose to Live Inside,” when she said, “… what we have we take for granted. What we are used to, we cease to value.”

To those who are fortunate to still have your Yiddishe momme in your lives, be thankful, and let her know how much she is cherished. For those who don’t, treasure the memories, which are precious. And, for those who are themselves mothers, you have undertaken one of the most difficult but important tasks of life with all its pleasures and perils. To all mothers and to those who “mother,” we honour you, today and every day.

Libby Simon, MSW, worked in child welfare services prior to joining the Child Guidance Clinic in Winnipeg as a school social worker and parent educator for 20 years. Also a freelance writer, her writing has appeared in Canada, the United States and internationally, in such outlets as Canadian Living, CBC, Winnipeg Free Press, PsychCentral and Cardus, a Canadian research and educational public policy think tank.

Format ImagePosted on May 11, 2018May 9, 2018Author Libby SimonCategories Op-EdTags children, family, Mother’s Day, Yiddishe Momme
Treat your mom special

Treat your mom special

H Tasting Lounge at the Westin Bayshore has a new tea service. (photo from westinbayshore.com/htasting-lounge)

Mother’s Day might be celebrated only once a year, but being a mother is an everyday, every minute occupation. Rashi, the brilliant 11th-century sage, offered a moving interpretation: “A mother is a woman who gives life,” he wrote (see Rashi, Genesis 3:20).

Rabbi Pinchas Allouche, spiritual leader of Congregration Beth Tefillah in Scottsdale, Ariz., explained, “A mother does not just live; she makes life. She does not just occupy space for herself; she makes space for others. She does not desire to take; she desires to provide. She does not seek power; she seeks influence. She does not just live by existing; she lives by giving. And she breathes life, continuously, into her own children, and into her own surroundings.”

Since most moms are so busy taking care of everyone else, this special day is an opportunity to give back to this wonderful person, if you’re lucky enough to have her still in your life. Here are a few ideas on how to celebrate.

Something sweet

If you live in the Metro Vancouver area, check out the new tea service at the H Tasting Lounge at the Westin Bayshore in Coal Harbour (westinbayshore.com/htasting-lounge). It has two choices, Eastern-style and Western. Their Western Tea includes smoked salmon and cucumber tea sandwiches, as well as a variety of sweet samplings such as scones with jam and cream. Meanwhile, the Eastern Tea, while also a classic tea service, includes a mix of traditional Asian foods, such as a duck wrap.

If you would rather create something unique at home, try using Yonanas (yonanas.com). My mom and I made a healthy dairy-free dessert, as the machine transforms frozen fruit into what tastes like ice cream – without all the calories. They include a recipe book with the machine, but we found it fun to experiment. We added, for example, a little chocolate and cinnamon to the frozen bananas.

DNA kit

Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to get to know your mom better in myriad ways and a DNA test is a great way to learn about your family. We used the Living DNA test (livingdna.com), but there are others.

My mom swabbed the inside of her mouth and, within a few weeks, we discovered that some of our ancestors were Dutch, Finnish and Swedish! Living DNA does a comprehensive analysis. It provided data on our ancestry throughout human history, as well as percentages of our ethnic backgrounds from 80 global regions. The company also offers a full-colour coffee table book of your results, which preserves your family history for future generations.

Something stylish

I recently discovered a few new stylish brands of purses for moms. MZ Wallace and Be Brilliant have purses that are useful for a variety of purposes, from practical to simply being fashionable, which is always a treat for the mom shlepping around a million items usually not for herself. Both brands are easily cleaned, offer lots of pockets and, best of all, will make your mom feel special. (And both companies sell and ship to Canada.)

photo - To design and make your own hat, check out Vancouver-based West Coast Hatters
To design and make your own hat, check out Vancouver-based West Coast Hatters. (photo from westcoasthatters.com)

The purse can be paired with a fancy hat. I love creating new fashions, and spending quality time with my mom doing something creative is always a joy. To design and make your own hat, check out Vancouver-based West Coast Hatters (westcoasthatters.com), which specializes in creating hats for film and hosts one-on-one workshops or small classes for people who want to create their own special style.

In the fascinator-making class, students use a straw base and build up from there. However, if you want to get serious about hat-making, try the two-day class, where you will create a masterpiece by hand, blocking, steaming and draping the fabric into your own special creation.

Spa day

A personal favourite is to treat my mom to a spa day. The truth is I have yet to meet a mom would couldn’t use some time for herself, and what better way to celebrate each other than by spending quality time together in a quiet setting.

There is also the option of a do-it-yourself spa day. You can set the mood by lighting candles and putting out comfortable chairs while you and your mom give yourselves facials.

Personally, I like American spa owner David J. Witchell’s eponymous collection (davidjwitchell.com), which features an all-natural line of products. I like DJW’s Matcha Wash with grit for cleansing, using a towel or natural sea sponge, then following it with the company’s Shaman oil blend, which firms and illuminates the tone and texture of the skin, and its Time Traveler, which brightens, hydrates and protects your skin.

To complete the spa experience, you can gift your mom some luxury body soaps. One brand I use it Costa d’Oro (siegebrands.com/naturalsoaps). Its soaps are natural, made in Arizona and leave my body feeling a decade younger. I especially like Himalayan Salt Scrub with Activated Charcoal; Lemongrass and Rosemary; and Gardenia.

The best part of a do-it-yourself spa day is that your mom can use the products again and again.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Masada Siegel is an award-winning journalist and photographer. Follow her @masadasiegel and visit her website, masadasiegel.com.

Format ImagePosted on May 11, 2018May 23, 2018Author Masada SiegelCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags children, family, hat-making, Mother’s Day

The story of Miriam Peretz

Those of us who live and work in Israel as journalists and book reviewers for international publications often have to wait until an Israeli bestseller is translated from Hebrew into English. I, for one, am very excited when this occurs, and especially for a biography like Miriam’s Song: The Story of Miriam Peretz (Gefen Publishing House, 2016) by Smadar Shir.

book cover - Miriam’s SongShirat Miriam was published in Israel in 2011 and became a bestseller, with more than 20,000 copies sold. It is Peretz’s story, as recounted to Shir, who is a prolific author and composer, as well as a senior journalist at the newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth.

Peretz was born in Casablanca, where her family lived until she was 10 years old. In 1963, they immigrated to Israel, initially living in an immigrant camp in Beersheva. After graduating high school, Peretz went to Ben-Gurion University and became a teacher.

When she was 21, she met Eliezer Peretz, who was 31, also Moroccan. They married, and he returned to his work in Sharm el-Sheikh. She eventually joined him there, until the city was evacuated. Meanwhile, she began teaching, and they started their family, ultimately having six children.

In November 1998, Uriel, their 22-year-old son, a Golani (special forces) officer was killed in Lebanon, while in the army. Peretz kept going.

“My husband was overcome with sadness and wouldn’t go to work, but I had no choice but to continue functioning,” she says.

Peretz got a master’s degree in educational administration. Her second son joined the army, while she and her husband continued processing their grief for Uriel. She began visiting schools and military bases to talk about her son.

In 2005, her husband died – only 56 years old. And then, in March 2010, her son, Eliraz, married with four children, was killed while in the army.

In December 2010, then-Israel Defence Forces Chief of General Staff Lt.-Col. Gabi Ashkenazi awarded her a medal of appreciation. He said: “Miriam’s ability to continue to express her deep pain and channel it into a contribution to the education and formation of future generations, serves as an example and model of inspiration for us all.”

The next chapters of Miriam’s Song are told by each of Peretz’s four surviving children.

Miriam left her principal position after 27 years to become a Jerusalem district supervisor with the education ministry. After Miriam’s Song was published in Hebrew, Peretz began to travel to the United States for the organization Friends of the Israel Defence Forces. In 2014, she was a torchbearer on Israel Independence Day.

For a feature on International Women’s Day this year in the Jerusalem Post, Peretz was interviewed and photographed along with two other mothers who had each lost a son. Journalist Tal Ariel Amir writes, “these three courageous women have risen from the ashes of their despair.”

People ask what it is like to live in Israel. Although Miriam’s Song is replete with courage, faith and commitment, it is also about tragedy and sacrifice. It is a book to read to understand what it means to be a woman, a wife, a mother in Israel today.

Sybil Kaplan is a journalist, foreign correspondent, lecturer, food writer and book reviewer who lives in Jerusalem. She also does the restaurant features for janglo.net and leads weekly walks in English in Jerusalem’s market.

Posted on May 6, 2016May 5, 2016Author Sybil KaplanCategories BooksTags army, conflict, IDF, Israel, Miriam's Song, Mother’s Day, Peretz, Smadar Shir
It’s every day that counts

It’s every day that counts

The author and her mother at Matanuska Glacier on a previous Mother’s Day adventure. (photo from Masada Siegel)

At a party a few years back, a high school friend approached my husband and cheekily said, “You do realize your wife Masada is going to turn into her Jewish mother. Are you prepared for that?”

My husband, a serious look on his face, responded, “ I should be so lucky.”

My friend’s grin turned to shock and I laughed, knowing why his greatest wish is for me to turn into my Jewish mother.

My mom is organized, thoughtful, kind and a fabulous cook who makes everything from scratch. She is the perfect hostess, makes people feel at ease, a great listener, advisor, diplomat and one of the most well-read people I have ever met.

My brother-in-law Gabe agrees. He always jokes that he married my sister, Audrey, because our mom was already taken – my sister was the next best option.

The truth is moms never get enough credit for the backbreaking work they do to make their families lives better. Mother’s Day is an opportunity to recognize the commandment to honor your mother and father. It’s special to focus on the woman who gave us life, and Jewish mothers, like mothers all over the world, are obsessed with making sure everyone else is happy. Often that means they never take time to look after themselves.

My mom, a former sergeant in the Israeli army, happens to be the queen of doing for others, and not so good at relaxing and taking care of herself. So, to celebrate her, I took her to the Omni Scottsdale Resort at Montelucia for a spa day.

At first, she protested the concept of an 80-minute massage. She’s not great at sitting still, always feeling the need to be productive. We both shook our heads: Mom at how she could have a daughter who writes about life and leisure, and me on how I could have a mom who is such a giver and less good at receiving.

Entering the Omni’s Joya Spa is like taking a trip to Morocco, between the low-light entrance and a room filled with plush red couches and endless pillows to the pool overlooking the spectacular Camelback Mountain. After wandering into a most comfortable, quiet room filled with canopy beds, we headed off to enjoy our Joyambrosia massages.

After, we indulged in a poolside lunch and I asked my mom what other Mother’s Day experiences she would enjoy. She laughed, “It’s about being appreciated daily, and family making an effort all year long to be close and loving. Sharing time together and making wonderful memories are what matter most in this world.”

I began to think of new ideas for celebrating people who I love. All it takes thoughtfulness and creativity, as simple as printing and framing a photo or making a tasty breakfast.

Another idea is to take your mom away from the everyday; go away for a weekend or take a day trip. A few years ago, I took my mom through the wilds of Alaska. We took trains, planes and automobiles, hiked glaciers, experienced fabulous food and drank in the beauty of a new place and time spent together.

Whatever you decide to do for that special person, be it your mom, a family member or friend, the most important gift you can give is your time. That said, you can never go wrong with a luxurious massage! Happy Mother’s Day!

Masada Siegel is an award-winning journalist and photographer. Follow her @masadasiegel and visit her website, masadasiegel.com.

Format ImagePosted on May 8, 2015May 6, 2015Author Masada SiegelCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags Mother’s Day
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