Tag: love

Blessing of love

I must make the disclaimer that none of the letters after my name qualify me to opine on matters of this kind but, as I have done too often in the past, I “rush in where angels fear to tread.” I just feel it is so important for our well-being to have a little bit of this in our make-up. I believe we have to be lucky enough that someone has loved us unconditionally, whether that be a parent, God or a partner. It can arrive from siblings, but siblings are more often competitive than fully loving.

But why is this so important? Because a person who loves us unconditionally is one who is naturally inclined to forgive us for our transgressions. We are hardly likely to get through life without making mistakes. If others we respect are ready to forgive us our trespasses, we are much more likely to forgive ourselves as well. And that, I believe, is a very big deal.

If we can’t forgive ourselves for our mistakes, for our misbehaviours, then we probably don’t like ourselves very much. Indeed, we are probably angry with ourselves most of the time. If it’s true, it shows. Everybody knows the saying, “love thy neighbour as thyself.” If you don’t like yourself, well, look out below!

But suppose you understand that we all make mistakes? Suppose you understand that mistakes are learning opportunities and the great thing is that you can learn to not make the same mistake again. Mistakes are a necessary way to get smarter about organizing your life. You don’t have to beat yourself up about them. Learn your lesson and move on. You are still a person worth loving. And, because you are getting so smart about things, why shouldn’t you appreciate and admire yourself? Your heritage of love gives you strength, self-confidence.

But what if your mistake is unredeemable? Ouch! Those, you just have to live with. And shouldn’t that make you kinder about the mistakes of others, more generous, more forgiving? If you could do such a thing, well, then, it could happen to anybody, couldn’t it? Sure it could! Forgive them as you forgive yourself.

A belief in your essential goodness will aid you when you are confronted with all those essential decisions one has to make in life. How will what I am thinking of doing impact the lives of those I care for? Can I square this action with the kind of person I want to be? Will I still be able to love myself if I do this thing? If not, then I must find another way to accomplish my ends. Loving yourself can mean having that kind of conversation with yourself.

In the past, I often assumed that what advanced my interests would obviously be in the interests of those I cared for, those whose welfare I was responsible for. It was only with the passage of time that I grew to appreciate that I often missed a step in making that calculation. Most decisions turned out well, but some bore costs paid for by others, costs of which I had not the slightest notion. It was only with time that I would appreciate that I had paid a price as well.

In the end, I believe that those of us who have been blessed with a heritage of love are better able to love ourselves and are better equipped to bestow that heritage on others. I think that is a wonderful thing.

Max Roytenberg is a Vancouver-based poet, writer and blogger. His book Hero in My Own Eyes: Tripping a Life Fantastic is available from Amazon and other online booksellers.

Blessings of love, religion

Once a month, my husband (a secular humanist Jew) and I (Roman Catholic) join the Fraytik tsu Nakht at the Peretz Centre for Secular Jewish Culture. At the Friday night secular humanist Shabbat celebration, we sing songs, light candles, eat challah bread, and sing in Yiddish and Hebrew. But what I am also learning is the humanistic approach to Jewish cultural heritage.

At the celebrations, they give a great deal of importance, as it says in the text that we read, “to human dignity and the human power to make a better world … and gratitude for the wonders of the world.” Being from a Latin American country, I do not know Yiddish or Hebrew, but I have memorized the lyrics to songs like “Daylanu Shalom” and “Hineh Ma Tov,” so I can sing along with the other people.

When I married Carl, I enjoyed imagining that I was married to a relative of Jesus Christ, since I am practising Catholicism and Jesus is Jewish. We found out that we have more things in common than we imagined. We really enjoy seeing all the similarities and sharing them. For instance, I go with Carl to his Jewish events, where we light candles “to reflect on our own light and the light of others, we praise the healers, the builders and the dreamers. We celebrate the peacemakers, those who teach, who nurture, who love, who share, and those who create for humanity.” At the same time, I have an altar in our room, where I spend time praying the rosary, lighting candles and meditating. Carl comes with me on Sunday to listen to Mass, and is curious for something new, like listening to Mass in Latin, hearing the sermon or just listening to the beautiful music from the pipe organ at Holy Rosary Cathedral, where I belong. Our relationship is based on respect and acceptance, so we can both learn from each other without judgment. Together, we discover that hope is bright and love fills our hearts.

This past year, like every year, we received a phone call from one of Carl’s friends inviting us to his home to celebrate Passover. For me, this means learning more about his culture and imagining how was the Last Supper that Jesus had with his disciples. I love the prayers, the singing and being with good friends who accept me and welcome me, even knowing that I am Catholic, but, above all, I enjoy it because I’m taking part with my husband, who I love.

Carl and I married in a civil ceremony, a Jewish ceremony and in the Catholic Church. We learned that celebrating our differences has made us closer and that religion, far from being a barrier, is a blessing from our Higher Power, however we understand It.

Delta Vazquez Leon has worked part time for Holy Rosary Cathedral for almost four years as an administrative assistant-receptionist. Her mother tongue is Spanish, and she helps Spanish-speaking parishioners in their needs. Some Sundays she assists in the distribution of Holy Communion, and participates in any way she can in Cathedral activities. In her spare time, she likes to write, draw and paint.

The Jewish holiday of love

Since it takes place in summer, Tu b’Av has become popular for open-air events. A local example is the JNF Future’s annual Summer Sail, for which guests are encouraged to follow the tradition of wearing white.

Picture this potentially risqué scene: “… the daughters of Jerusalem used to go out … and dance in the vineyards [and] whoever did not have a wife would go there.”

Surprisingly, perhaps, this description is in the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Taanit, 31a. In the days before internet dating sites and apps, speed-dating or singles bars, this was how Jewish singles met up at least once a year, on Tu b’Av. Welcome to the Jewish day of romance, Temple-times style.

Maybe it didn’t go as far as the cliché “clothes make the [wo]man,” but even back then, it apparently mattered what you wore to the vineyard. The bachelorettes decked out in white. If a single woman didn’t have white clothes, she’d borrow from someone else. In fact, the tractate describes this nice touch – everyone borrowed, so that no one felt embarrassed if they didn’t have something.

Presumably, wearing white at night had its advantages, too, as it made the women stand out in the moonlit vineyard. Moreover, when we think “white,” most of us think purity and, associatively, virginity, which brings us to this: wearing white underscores the next step, the Jewish wedding. At this ceremony, both the bride and the groom traditionally wear white – the groom (chatan, in Hebrew) puts on a white robe (kittel) or a prayer shawl (tallit) and the bride wears a white dress.

The writings of medieval Jewish scholars like Rabbi Aaron ben Jacob ha-Kohen and Rabbi ben Solomon ibn Abi Zimra (the Radbaz) suggest that wearing white at Jewish wedding ceremonies is a very old custom. They write that one’s wedding day is like a personal Yom Kippur, when the bride and groom’s sins are forgiven. Thus, the wearing of white becomes a proof-text for the line from Isaiah 1:18: “If your sins prove to be like crimson, they will become white as snow.”

Jewish scholars actually connect Yom Kippur and Tu b’Av. Unexpectedly, the Talmud claims that Tu b’av is as important as Yom Kippur in at least one way: “Rabbi Shimon b. Gavriel said: There were no days as joyous in Israel like the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.” (Taanit 26b)

Chag Haahava, the Holiday of Love, or Tu b’Av (the 15th day of the Jewish month of Av), falls just six days after we mournfully recall that, on Tisha b’Av (Ninth of Av), both the First and Second Temples were destroyed, and numerous other Jewish catastrophes occurred. Here again, we link Tu b’Av to another Jewish wedding custom – the breaking of the glass, recalling the Temples’ destruction.

According to Tractate Taanit (30b-31a), the 15th of Av also joyously commemorates a number of other events in early Jewish history:

(1) This day marked the end of the “wilderness” generation; that is, the end of G-d’s punishing with death the Hebrews who had been the contemporaries of the spies who lacked the requisite faith for conquering the land (Numbers 14: 29-35). The 40 years of desert wandering ceased at this point and the children of the exiles entered Canaan.

(2) On 15 Av, G-d lifted the restriction on intermarriage between members of the 12 tribes.

(3) G-d reinstated the tribe of Benjamin, which He had banned for the tribesmen’s gang rape in Gibeah of a visiting concubine, who subsequently died.

(4) During the Temple period, the task of providing firewood for sacrifices ended on 15 Av, when the woodcutters would ceremoniously break their axes.

(5) Hosea, son of Elah, the last king of the Northern Kingdom, permitted travel to Jerusalem’s Holy Temple for the pilgrimage holidays.

(6) This day also marks when permission was given to bury those killed by the Romans at the Betar fortress.

While the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law) doesn’t specify any particular customs for Tu b’Av, it does indicate that, as with other joyous days in the Jewish year, Jews should skip reciting tachanun (confession of sins) on this day.

Given the injunction to “be fruitful and multiply,” it is not hard to understand why this ancient holiday was judged to be so important. Indeed, one could make the claim that the holiday’s timing is hardly coincidental. It comes when the moon is full, reminding us that its cycle parallels women’s 28-day reproductive cycle.

Moreover, on a spiritual level, the sun’s illumination of the full moon suggests a cosmic union of the masculine and feminine – a kesher (Hebrew for connection) between G-d and His Divine Presence (Shekhinah). Rabbi Dr. Jill Hammer writes: “In the Zohar, the full moon signals the time when the

Divine womb creates pure and blessed souls. It is the time when the moon and sun, which, in kabbalist thought, represent the feminine and masculine faces of G-d, are most in contact. The Zohar [notes] that, at the full moon, the Shekhinah is called a field of apples, while at the dark moon, she is called field of anatot [poverty].”

It is somewhat ironic that this great holiday was not celebrated in Israel until recently. But Israelis seem to be making up for lost time. As Tu b’Av approaches, articles on the true meaning of love appear on a variety of websites, in ultra-Orthodox through to humanistic Judaism posts. Moreover, the day has evolved into a favorite Jewish Israeli wedding date – to get married on this day, couples must make their wedding arrangements far in advance.

As Tu b’Av falls in the summertime – this year, it starts the evening of Aug. 18 – it is ideal for outdoor events. Hence, the holiday has become popular for open-air evening concerts and all-day festivals.

As we become more of a global community, it is not surprising that modern Tu b’Av rituals have been influenced by Valentine’s Day accoutrements. Indeed, Tu b’Av art often mimics Valentine’s Day graphics, Israeli magazines guide people to romantic getaways, Israeli newspapers recommend places to feast on heart-shaped ravioli or splurge on rich chocolate mousse desserts or get tipsy on Pink Monica cocktails.

Anyone interested in learning more about Jewish rituals for celebrating Tu b’Av, however, can start their research at ritualwell.org.

Deborah Rubin Fields is an Israel-based features writer. She is also the author of Take a Peek Inside: A Child’s Guide to Radiology Exams, published in English, Hebrew and Arabic.