Isabella: What do you do that makes you very happy?
Connor: I like to play with my mommy.
Isabella: Well, if you find something that makes you happy, that’s what you should do.
(photo by Jocelyne Hallé)
***
As part of the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver’s celebration of its 90th birthday, the centre brought together its members who are age 90 and better with children from the Karen and Gary Simkin Family Child Development Centre Preschool.
Preschool director Jennifer Trickett and her staff helped the children create and practise questions that they were curious about to ask the seniors. Questions covered such topics as “What games did you like to play when you were a kid?” and “Do you get hugs from your children?” The children also sang songs.
In addition to being interviewed by the children, the JCC members enjoyed a complementary brunch, and free portraits courtesy of Jocelyne Hallé of Jocelyne Hallé Photography.
The JCC has 25 members who are age 90 and over, most of whom are at the centre multiple times a week to exercise, socialize, learn and play. For more information about special membership pricing for adults age 65-plus, contact membership director Alexis Doctor at 604-257-5111.
***
Gloria: Where do you live?
Joyce: I live in a condominium.
Gloria: Well, I live in Vancouver.
Joyce: Me, too.
Shiloh: Do you come here in the car?
Joyce: I came in a car today. My daughter drove me.
Shiloh: My mommy drove me!
Asher: Do you live in space?
Joyce: Sometimes I think I do! But, mostly in Vancouver.
(photo by Jocelyne Hallé)
***
Sam: Do you ever hug your grandchildren?
Danny: Yes, very big ones, they’re even kissing me, too.
(photo by Jocelyne Hallé)
***
Milo: What did you like to play when you were little?
Jewish Seniors Alliance’s AGM was held on Oct. 11 at Congregation Beth Israel. (photo from JSA)
The annual general meeting of the Jewish Seniors Alliance was held on Oct. 11 at Congregation Beth Israel. As is customary, the AGM was followed by a gala dinner during which JSA honoured dedicated volunteers from three community organizations for their service to seniors in Vancouver.
The meeting was called to order by JSA president Ken Levitt. He introduced Rabbi Jonathan Infeld of Beth Israel, who gave a short d’var torah on the importance of community actions and involvement with seniors.
Levitt then asked everyone to rise in acknowledgement of JSA members who had passed away over the last year.
Several speakers offered greetings to JSA: Isobel MacKenzie, seniors advocate of British Columbia; Michael Lee, MLA for Vancouver-Langara; Ezra Shanken, chief executive officer of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver; and Gudrun Langolf, president of the Council of Senior Citizens’ Organization of British Columbia (COSCO).
Reports were presented by JSA treasurer Larry Meyer; on peer support services by Gyda Chud for Pam Ottem; on membership by Binny Goldman; from Levitt, as president; and from the nomination committee by Marilyn Berger, who was especially emphatic, urging people who receive Senior Line magazine and are not JSA members to sign up.
In his report, Levitt emphasized JSA’s advocacy role and outlined five issues in particular for which JSA is advocating:
For the B.C. Ministry of Health to provide the 25% more effective flu vaccine free of charge. It presently costs $75 for the high-dose flu shot.
The implementation of a federal pharmacare program.
For the City of Vancouver to allow applications for the provincial homeowners grant to be done in person, without use of a computer, as many seniors have difficulty using computers or do not have access to the internet.
For the B.C. government to initiate a poverty reduction program similar to those that exist in other provinces.
To reduce the need for food banks – JSA had made a presentation to Federation concerning the Food Security Program.
After the reports were completed, Levitt adjourned the meeting and invited everyone to be seated at the festively decorated tables. About 170 supporters of JSA enjoyed a glass of wine and a salmon or vegetarian lasagna dinner that was followed by the presentation of the awards.
This part of the evening was presented by emcee Ed Gavsie, who called upon Langolf to make the presentation to Sheila Pither. Pither has been active with COSCO for 18 years. For the past 10 years, she has coordinated the organization’s Health and Wellness Institute, promoting its expansion from one workshop topic to more than 40. Pither said she was honoured to have been chosen and was grateful to be at the ceremony with friends and family, at age 86, to accept the award.
The next awards went to Muriel Morris and Gary Zumar of JCC Showtime. Maurice Moses presented to Morris and Arnold Selwyn to Zumar.
Morris has been a volunteer piano accompanist since high school. She has accompanied more than 210 concerts since joining Showtime in 2013 and she noted the pleasure she gets when they perform at seniors facilities and she sees the people come alive to the music and the dancing.
Selwyn recounted how Zumar, with his wide experience in audio-visual technologies, has volunteered his services to many Jewish organizations. Zumar started with Jewish Heritage Players more than 40 years ago and has continued for more than 12 years with Showtime. Selwyn called him a volunteer’s volunteer. Zumar responded by thanking everyone at Showtime for this honour.
Toby Rubin of the Kehila Society then presented the final award to Pat Hoffman. Hoffman became involved with Kehila’s Monday Seniors Luncheon at Beth Tikvah 15 years ago. She has been involved in the working committee as the program has expanded to include activities such as English-as-a-second-language, fitness and entertainment. Rubin described Hoffman as the lifeline of the program, the first to arrive and the last to leave. Hoffman expressed her appreciation for the recognition and said she gets much satisfaction from being a volunteer.
While dessert was served, attendees were entertained by jazz singer Jill Samycia, the door prizes and 50/50 tickets were drawn and, after much shmoozing with old friends and dinner, everyone went home having spent the evening honouring four active seniors and again proving the JSA adage “seniors stronger together.”
Shanie Levin is an executive board member of Jewish Seniors Alliance and on the editorial board of Senior Line magazine.
The Jewish Seniors Alliance fall symposium on Oct. 28 was about aging across cultures. (photo from JSA)
The Jewish Seniors Alliance fall symposium, Aging Across Cultures, took place on Oct. 28. The program dealt with inclusivity while Jews everywhere were trying to cope with the horrors of what hatred can do. Still newly mourning the victims of the shooting at the Tree Of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, attending the symposium seemed strange, but it had healing properties.
The afternoon program was a time of unity and solidarity with other cultures. Attendees learned that loving and caring for seniors in our community and for our family elders is a universal value and touches all hearts in much the same way, as well as presenting similar challenges.
In welcoming the crowd, Ken Levitt, president of Jewish Seniors Alliance, turned the subject of the Pittsburgh shooting over to Rabbi Philip Bregman, who was the event chairperson. Bregman served as senior rabbi at Temple Sholom from 1980 to 2013. He is a founding member of Jewish Christian Dialogue (since 1995) and he now functions as Jewish chaplain for the University of British Columbia and is involved with Hillel BC.
Bregman spoke about the brutal murder of people at prayer. He highlighted the many calls he has received expressing sympathy and condolences. He recalled standing outside a mosque in Vancouver after the shootings at a Quebec City mosque in 2017, where six Muslim worshippers were murdered and 19 others wounded. Among the condolences he received after the murders in Pittsburgh was a message of sympathy from the imam in Quebec.
Bregman emphasized the difference between the word “killing,” which he categorized as meaning accidental, and the word “murder,” which is intentional.
“Where do we go from here?” he asked. “We bury our dead, we mourn and we meet as a community,” he said. “We must never allow hatred to win.”
The audience stood for a moment of silence in commemoration of the 11 murdered and those injured, including several police officers.
The afternoon’s program featured a panel consisting of three accomplished women of diverse ethnic origins.
• Zarghoona Wakil is the manager of the Settlement and Integration program at MOSAIC, a nonprofit organization that helps newcomers to Canada. She also supervises MOSAIC Seniors Club, which provides services to seniors of different cultural backgrounds.
• Sinder Kaur is the executive director of health services at SUCCESS, providing a continuum of quality, culturally appropriate care services to seniors with different needs. She has worked in different leadership roles with a passion to help seniors age in place.
• Deanna Lewis, known as Kalkalath, her ancestral name, was recently elected to the Squamish Nation Council, focusing on elders and their care. Kalkalath is a former teacher, working to preserve her Skwxwu7mesh culture, spirituality and language. Raised with the teachings of her grandfather, she knows the importance of knowing who you are and where you come from.
When Bregman introduced the three panelists, he asked them to share a little about themselves and to address the issue of how their various cultures celebrate seniors.
Wakil shared that she is originally from Afghanistan, then lived in Russia. She came to Vancouver 12 years ago and is now studying at Simon Fraser University for a master’s degree in public health. Kaur is Punjabi-born, lived for 20 years in Hong Kong and moved here 17 years ago. Kalkalath’s Squamish Nation family was removed from Khatsahlano (Kitsilano) in the early 1900s and her main efforts are to teach both adults and children the Squamish language.
Despite differing cultures and traditions, Wakil and Kaur both emphasized that it is seniors who hold history in their hands and only upon opening up their hearts are they able to tie generations together and build upon that knowledge for the future generations.
It was difficult to hear that Kalkalath had to learn about her heritage from others, as her history was erased and harshly taken from her elders. It was she who sought to learn about that past and is now feeling connected again, through the learning of her own language and the ways of her people from her grandfather.
A common thread between all the panelists was that grandparents and grandchildren have a special link that allows them to relax and truly enjoy one another while parents are occupied with the comfort and needs of both these family groups.
All three speakers provided vivid descriptions of the issues and areas of concern regarding elders in their cultures. JSA thanked them for their willingness to share personal stories and stories from their communities. The similarities between cultures superseded any differences.
Claudine Malto, director of community programs at Mount Pleasant Neighbourhood House, then spoke about the house’s new initiative: multicultural circles, where seniors share stories, food, textiles, cooking classes, dance and exercise. She noted that people generally like to sit in “pockets,” which creates a divide. The motivation for this project is to answer the question, “How can we best coexist?”
Larry Shapiro, JSA board member and second vice-president, wound up the afternoon with one of the best vocal advertisements for the Jewish Seniors Alliance that we have ever heard.
Attending the symposium made the sun come out, even on a rainy, tear-filled day.
Binny Goldmanis an honorary life board member of Jewish Seniors Alliance.
Jewish Seniors Alliance board member Pam Ottem, who is chair of JSA’s peer support program, with Baruch Azeroual at the JSA volunteer barbecue. (photo from JSA)
On Aug. 22, Jewish Seniors Alliance held its now-annual barbecue for peer support services volunteers, in appreciation of their work with seniors. This year’s celebration, attended by about 50 people, was a joyous affair, with food and musical entertainment, and speeches from volunteers.
Most of the attendees at the barbecue were volunteers or staff of the peer support services program, and a number of JSA board members also joined in the festivities. The food for the meal was contributed by the volunteers.
Charles Leibovitch, JSA peer support coordinator, and Grace Hann, JSA peer support volunteer trainer and supervisor, spoke and welcomed everyone before introducing JSA president Ken Levitt, who thanked everyone for their hard work and mentioned some of the issues for which JSA is advocating, such as a universal pharmacare program.
After Levitt spoke, Leibovitch called on Serge Haber, president emeritus and founder of JSA, to say a few words. Haber spoke about the needs of seniors and how JSA is trying to advocate for and fill some of those needs.
Hann explained about a crowdshare in which some of the volunteers had participated – a listening program that takes place every second Monday, 5-6 p.m., on Bute Street at Davie. Hann also thanked everyone who helped set up the event, including JSA coordinator Liz Azeroual and Azeroual’s husband, Baruch, who did the barbecuing.
The musical trio of Dave and Julie Ivaz and their son, Harrison, provided a wide-ranging performance. They played guitar and sang many songs familiar to the audience.
For more information on JSA, its peer support services, the listening and other programs, visit jsalliance.org.
Shanie Levin, MSW, worked for many years in the field of child welfare. During that time, she was active in the union. As well, she participated in amateur dramatics. She has served on the board of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver and is presently on the executive of JSA and a member of the editorial committee.
Caviar and Lace entertain at the last session of the 2017/18 Jewish Seniors Alliance Snider Foundation Empowerment Series. (photo by Alan Katowitz for JSA)
On June 25, Jewish Seniors Alliance and the Kehila Society of Richmond co-sponsored the fifth in the JSA’s Empowerment Series program. This year’s theme was “Laughter and Music: Feeding the Soul” and the subtitle for this final event in the season was “Music for our Hearts and Songs We Love.”
Toby Rubin, coordinator of Kehila, introduced the afternoon and welcomed everyone. About 100 enthusiastic attendees dug into the summertime lunch of burgers and hot dogs prepared by Stacey Kettleman.
After lunch, everyone proceeded to the sanctuary to be entertained by Caviar and Lace, comprised of Michelle Carlisle and Saul Berson. The duo performed an eclectic mix of classic, jazz and folk songs. Carlisle plays piano and Berson plays a variety of instruments, from saxophone to clarinet. They both played and sang, encouraging the audience to join in. The mix of oldies, and especially songs from the 1950s, was indeed music to the ears of the listeners, who were familiar with most of the melodies.
A new JSA Snider Foundation Empowerment Series will start in the fall.
Shanie Levin, MSW, worked for many years in the field of child welfare. During that time, she was active in the union. As well, she participated in amateur dramatics. She has served on the board of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver and is presently on the executive of JSA and a member of the editorial committee.
More than 130 people joined the Chai Tea celebrations June 10. (photo by Alan Katowitz)
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”
(Rabbi Abraham Twerski)
The Chai Tea celebration on June 10 brought together 135 people to support the work of the Jewish Seniors Alliance and to honour Serge Haber on his 90th birthday.
Educator and writer Matthew Gindin emceed the event, which took place at the Peretz Centre for Secular Jewish Culture. Shelley Rivkin of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver emphasized Haber’s effectiveness in bringing the issues of seniors to the fore in the Jewish and general communities, while Grace Hann, coordinator of JSA’s peer support services (with Charles Liebovitch), described Haber as a visionary who created the program because of his love and commitment to seniors. She told the story of a woman, alone, sick with cancer, who had lost both her eyesight and hearing. Peer support services provided her with three levels of support: a peer counselor, a driver and a friendly telephone caller.
JSA coordinator Liz Azeroual and her assistant, Rita Propp, joined Hann and Liebovitch for a tribute to Haber to the tune of “This Land is Your Land.” Music by Dave and Julie Ivaz filled the room, and Julie Ivaz read a summary of Haber’s biography, which was accompanied by a slide show of some of his life experiences. The musicians then serenaded Haber with a medley of his favourite songs.
Ken Levitt, president of JSA, emphasized the importance of “reinventing oneself,” both in terms of venue and occupation. Haber is a prime example: from being a pharmacy student in Romania, to surviving the Holocaust, to reaching safety in Cuba and then, with the help of an uncle, settling in Montreal in 1950 and coming to Vancouver in 1978. Here, Haber ran Kaplan’s Jewish delicatessen from 1981 until 2000. During that time, he began working with seniors – JSA started as a subcommittee of Federation – and he continues to be productive and active.
At the Chai event, Haber recited the prayer, “Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, for giving us life, sustaining us and enabling us to reach this season.” His wife Elinor passed away seven years ago; they had been married 57 years and have three children, Wanda, Geoffrey and Stephen. Haber has five grandchildren and one great-grandchild. He acknowledged with affection his friend and partner Sheila Gordon, who supports all his endeavours.
Haber lamented that, whereas JSA is in the business of prevention, the government is mainly concerned with responding to the urgent needs of seniors. A public program of prevention would prolong healthier lives for seniors, he said, and eliminate the expensive costs associated with sickness and mental decay.
The 70 volunteers who work with 175 seniors at JSA are not going to be enough, said Haber. “Sometime, somewhere in your life, rich or poor, you’ll need the services of JSA,” he said.
Throughout the afternoon, tickets were drawn for donated door prizes. The 50-50 draw was won by Carole Kline, who donated the money back to JSA. The grand prize of a night at the Grand Villa Casino Hotel was won by Julia Wallstrom.
Helene Rosen and Marie Doduck were the co-conveners of the Chai Tea. Their efforts and work were acknowledged along with that of Gyda Chud and Propp. Delightful portrait caricature drawings by artist Katie Green were available all afternoon. Gala Catering served up the sandwiches and cake. It was a memorable afternoon.
Tamara Frankelis a member of the board of Jewish Seniors Alliance. Shanie Levin, MSW, worked for many years in the field of child welfare. During that time, she was active in the union. As well, she participated in amateur dramatics. She has served on the board of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver and is presently on the executive of JSA and a member of the editorial committee.
There were 28 tables of four playing on June 7 at the annual bridge event honouring Marjorie Groberman. (photos by Cynthia Ramsay)
More than 100 people gathered to play bridge at the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver on June 7 at a special annual event in honour of Marjorie Groberman, who passed away in 2011.
Leah Deslauriers is the former coordinator of JCC Seniors, which is now called Adults 55+ and headed by Lisa Quay.
“Marjorie Groberman was a driving force behind the JCC Seniors department for many years,” Deslauriers told the Independent. “She, along with some other ladies, started a duplicate bridge club at the JCC in 1995. When Marjorie passed away, [her daughter] Hildy Barnett and I created this event in her memory. We named the bridge club after Marjorie, as well.”
Barnett sponsors the meal and door prizes for the annual lunchtime event, and covers extras the club might need, said Deslauriers. For the lunch, “many players baked or brought dessert items for everyone.”
“There were 28 tables of four, so there were 112 people in attendance,” she said. “The club generally has up to 20 tables during regular play, so this was a very large event.”
The bridge club at the centre started in 1995 with four tables, explained Deslauriers. “Some of the original ladies, who still play today, subsidized the club so it would continue. The original club director was Connie Delisle, who taught many people how to play the game. Then Cathy Miller became director in 2006, when Connie had to retire. Cathy retired at the end of last year and the current director is Bryan Maksymetz, who is a Canadian bridge champion.”
Anyone who knows how to play duplicate bridge may attend. “It is very special,” said Deslauriers, “as many of its regular players are over 80, and many are over 90. I believe Ethel Bellows is the oldest player at the moment. Many of the players come 30 minutes before game time, to socialize over coffee and cookies, and it’s a very warm and friendly game, as far as bridge goes.”
The Marjorie Groberman Open Duplicate Bridge Club currently has more than 350 members, Quay told the Independent. Play takes place on Tuesdays and Thursdays. “The JCC also offers an array of bridge lessons for beginners on up, as well as practise opportunities for skill-building,” she said.
For more information, contact Quay at 604-257-5111, ext. 208.
Wanda Morris of the Canadian Association of Retired Persons speaks at the Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum May 13. (photo from JSA)
The annual Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum was held on May 13 at the Peretz Centre for Secular Jewish Culture. Even though it was Mother’s Day, attendance was strong, with 70 to 80 enthusiastic attendees enjoying a lively afternoon presentation and discussion.
Ken Levitt, president of JSA, introduced the program, reminding everyone of JSA’s motto, “Seniors Stronger Together.” He explained that, among other things, JSA is involved in advocating for a national pharmacare initiative, as well as helping older adults become more self-reliant, thus enabling them to stay in their homes longer. He spoke about the Chai Tea, which was held on June 10, and honoured Serge Haber, who has been instrumental in the JSA, on the occasion of Haber’s 90th birthday. Levitt then introduced Wanda Morris, the forum’s guest speaker.
Morris is vice-president of advocacy for the Canadian Association of Retired Persons (CARP). Prior to that, she was chief executive officer of Dying with Dignity Canada, where she led a strategic campaign for legislative change, leading to the Supreme Court of Canada’s decision in the groundbreaking case Carter v. Canada for the right to die with dignity. In the process, Morris established her reputation as a key influencer and go-to commentator in national discussions on issues of importance to all Canadians, particularly on issues pertaining to aging. She brings to CARP years of successful advocacy and policy development, plus a track record of fundraising results and business expertise gained from three decades as a chartered professional accountant. Morris is a regular contributor to the Vancouver Sun.
Morris began by talking about some problems experienced by many elder adults, such as having to spend more than 30% of their income on housing, especially when that income is fixed; the high cost of prescription drugs; the long wait times for medical procedures; the long wait times in emergency rooms; and the difficulty of finding a family physician. In this context, she introduced the audience to the term “GOMER” – “get out of my emergency room.”
There are numerous challenges facing older adults and there are many more of them all the time, she said. For example, there are more Canadians over 65 years old than under 15, 1,000 Canadians turn 65 daily, and centenarians are the fastest growing demographic.
Morris pointed out that ageism is one element that is making life more difficult: it is harder to find work as we age and doctors prefer not to take on older patients, as they tend to have more health issues. There are also many safety issues that involve getting around in the community; for example, the short time green lights allow for crossing the street, the lack of benches for resting and the few public washrooms. In addition, there are often long lines in such places as airport security or in supermarkets. Ageism starts with disrespect and can lead to neglect and abuse, said Morris.
So, what are the solutions? Engagement is the most important factor, she said. Anger is not helpful but active advocacy in the areas of media, politics and bureaucracies can have an effect. The approach must be respectful and concise, she said. Point out when people make ageist jokes but do it in a non-threatening manner, she suggested. And stories of individual experiences can be more effective than long tirades – Morris gave the example of a Sears employee who had worked there for many years and was left with little or no pension.
CARP has more members across Canada than all the political parties combined, and can thus have a strong effect on the political process in their advocacy for seniors. They can work together with other seniors groups for change in such areas as pharmaceutical policy. CARP’s largest groups are in Ontario, said Morris, but the organization is hoping to revitalize the B.C. chapters.
Morris’s presentation was followed by a spirited question-and-answer period. Most of the questions focused on health care and its costs. Morris said it was reorganization rather than more money that could be the solution. As an example of this, she noted the number of seniors taking up acute care beds at a very high cost because of the lack of home care and/or live-in facilities like long-term care. Other topics touched upon were the addressing of incontinence by having more staff for regular toileting; advance directives about death and dying; using the term “rewire” rather than “retire”; and shuttle buses to bring seniors to cultural events, thereby reducing social isolation.
After the discussion, Ezra Shanken, executive director of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver, gave greetings to all and JSA’s Gyda Chud thanked Morris for elevating our voices with new and powerful information focused on current and future solutions. Chud pointed out that stories, as Morris had said, are important not just for children, but also for adult learning. Everyone then enjoyed snacks and desserts by Gala and shmoozed.
JSA is dedicated to enhancing the quality of life of all seniors, by providing peer support services, advocacy for seniors’ issues, education and outreach. For more information, visit jsalliance.org.
Shanie Levin, MSW, worked for many years in the field of child welfare. During that time, she was active in the union. As well, she participated in amateur dramatics. She has served on the board of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver and is presently on the executive of Jewish Seniors Alliance and a member of the editorial committee.
Perla Barabak gave a music workshop on April 17 as part of Jewish Seniors Alliance’s Snider Foundation Empowerment Series. (photo from JSA)
The fourth session of this season’s Jewish Seniors Alliance Snider Foundation Empowerment Series was held with the co-sponsorship of Congregation Beth Israel on April 17. The theme of “Laughter and Music: Feeding the Soul” continued with a program entitled Perla’s Music Workshop.
About 65 seniors were present to enjoy the afternoon event, which began with the regular Tuesday seniors lunch provided by Jewish Family Services. Queenie Hamovich of JFS welcomed everyone and introduced Ken Levitt, president of JSA.
Levitt reviewed some of the JSA programs, including the peer support services. He asked audience members to consider joining JSA and encouraged them to think of volunteering for some of the peer support initiaves. He then introduced the speaker for the afternoon, Perla Barabak.
Barabak believes that music helps the body and mind to relax. It also touches the heart and soul, she said, making it easier for feelings to surface. Thus, music can provide multiple benefits.
Barabak began with some exercises, asking the audience to sound out their names musically. She began with her own name and many people joined in. She talked about active and passive listening; for example, listening at a concert as opposed to hearing background music in an elevator.
Throughout history, she noted, music has been used in communication, movement and at social events (weddings, b’nai mitzvah, banquets).
Songs represent a culture, she said. In this way, music is the song the heart sings. Songs remain with us into our senior years, when other memories may fade. Songs and singing can create pleasure and empowerment.
Barabak then did a guided meditation, getting everyone to close their eyes, listen to the music and imagine a colour. Barabak – who has used music in her work as a psychologist – pointed out how relaxing this is and how music balances our thoughts and feelings. She said she feels that, where there is life, there is music.
As the event ended, many in the audience got up and danced to the music being played.
The next Empowerment Series event – Music for Our Hearts and Songs We Love – will take place on June 25 at Beth Tikvah Synagogue. Caviar and Lace, with Michelle Carlisle and Saul Berson, will perform a mix of classic, jazz and folk songs.
Shanie Levin, MSW, worked for many years in the field of child welfare. During that time, she was active in the union. As well, she participated in amateur dramatics. She has served on the board of the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver and is presently on the executive of Jewish Seniors Alliance and a member of the editorial committee.
In the second of a series of articles on sexual harassment and violence in the Jewish community, the Jewish Independent speaks with Dr. Alan Stamp, clinical director at Vancouver’s Jewish Family Services.
The #MeToo movement, founded by Tarana Burke in 2006, is based on the concept that empowerment for scores of survivors is possible through empathy – from survivors knowing they are not alone. The movement aims to achieve radical community healing and disruption of all systems that have allowed sexual violence to flourish.
Dr. Alan Stamp, clinical director at Vancouver’s Jewish Family Services, stressed the particular need to protect children. From a psychological standpoint, around the age of 9, there is nothing worse than what is called a “boundary violation” of a young person inflicted upon him or her by an adult.
“Adults, parents, caregivers … are meant to keep kids safe,” Stamp told the Independent. “And when a child is abused by an adult figure, it breaks the trust that the child has – not only in that person, but it breaks their trust in the world. The world becomes an unsafe place to be.”
Stamp went on to explain that children have simple intellectual lives, in that they expect to be cared for in a way that is warm, nurturing and attentive. “When abuse happens, this is stripped away,” he said. “The impact on the developing psyche is that … I have to be vigilant, watchful, that there could be danger all around me…. And, it could be a teacher, an adult and/or a family member.
“The child puts a lot of focus on being vigilant rather than what they are meant to do, which is to learn through play, through relationships. So this is a very injurious act, probably the most injurious act a child can experience.”
Young people who have had this kind of experience develop all kinds of coping strategies – from withdrawing, to acting out, being aggressive and developing learning problems. These coping mechanisms can last a lifetime.
“I’ve had many clients over my life who, when they are in their 60s, 70s or 80s, they tell me they’ve never told anyone this story before … and they launch into a story about being harmed … and that it has had an effect on all the relationships they’ve gone on to have in their lives,” said Stamp. “This is why it’s so injurious to a child. If you’re an adult and you have the horrible misfortune of being assaulted or abused, you have had more life experience to be able to manage it. If abuse happens to a youth, while not a child any more, they’re still at a tremendous disadvantage. For young people, getting help, intervening as soon as possible for an extended period of time, really increases the potential for people to do better later in life.”
Outside of explicit sexual abuse, other forms of abuse include emotional abuse, which can involve behaviour that is berating, condescending, hostile or threatening.
“This can be telling a young person that, if you don’t get a top mark in your class, you’re going to ‘suffer these consequences’ – like withdrawing food, be sent to the basement as punishment, neglect, or any manner of things,” said Stamp.
Another form of abuse is physical. “I’ve seen kids who’ve been hit by cast-iron frying pans on their head,” said Stamp.
“I can tell you what parents are meant to do,” said Stamp. A parent “is meant to provide their child with guidance, affection, warmth, food, shelter and education. And, when a parent or caregiver is withholding things, punishing without a clear reason, disciplining inappropriately for the offence – all of these things are felt as abuse to a child.
“This is different than simply being a strict parent by sticking to boundaries, having guidelines, curfews and insisting that homework or chores are done,” he clarified. “This may be strict, but it’s not abusive. It’s abuse when an act or reaction is an inappropriate response to behaviour. A child may think she or he is being treated unfairly, but it is not necessarily abuse. Abuse is something that will shake up the developmental life of the child and will cause them to look at the world through a different lens. Being a strict or controlling parent isn’t necessarily abuse, but the line can be crossed.”
Financial abuse is more often seen among adults, when someone is in a relationship – a spouse, significant other or adult child, for example – takes control of the other’s bank account. Stalking is a form of psychological abuse, making a person feel threatened and unsafe in their own home, neighbourhood or community. And there is sexual harassment. Violence can be two-sided, where both parties are abusive toward each other, or one-sided.
“Elder abuse is now happening with tremendous frequency, where adult children are abusing their elderly parents,” said Stamp. “This is something that’s almost a pandemic, I think, in many – even North American – societies.”
For people who are in an abusive relationship, it is often difficult to leave an abuser. Violence against women is a form of very fierce oppression, according to Stamp. “It oppresses their spirit. They often will say that they should have left and that they knew they had to, but that they couldn’t – that they felt paralyzed with fear for themselves or of harm coming to them, their child or to other family members … or that they didn’t have the confidence to leave,” he said.
“The psychological or physical abuse of a spouse or partner is very systemic,” he explained. “It affects them in many ways. Often, women will take up to eight years to leave an abusive relationship – that’s a very telling stat. When they do leave, they can look back on it and say that they should have left earlier. What I advise is, ensure that you are safe, that you have a safety plan … that you can get up and out of the house with your child within minutes.”
Stamp advises people in abusive relationships to always include in their escape plan talking to family and friends about the situation, as well as to identify resources in their community, just in case. “There are many resources in the community for women fleeing domestic violence,” he said. “It’s a very scary proposition, but, to get what you want, you have to give something up. You have to fight for yourself and become your own hero in many ways, your own best friend. There is help, there are resources…. Life is not meant to be lived being oppressed, threatened or being fearful for your safety.”
Stamp said it is important to remember that abuse is often passed down in families. If you were raised in a home where your parents yelled at each other, hurt each other, used foul language or were otherwise disrespectful, you have a much greater chance of being abusive yourself.
“Using one’s anger is a way of trying to gain control and to oppress others,” said Stamp. “Abuse is something that tends to be systemic, so it can be familial…. It can go back in time and come back to haunt us in the present.
“I’ve seen and worked with many men who were abusive and I’d say that 85% of those men came from homes where they were abused. So, unless we’re addressing that kind of family situation and the people who use abuse as a way to control or manage themselves and others, we’re going to continue to see this pattern throughout time.”
Stamp said the only way to create change is by means of awareness and education – through campaigns, schools, reporting, and by having community services that can positively intervene.
For more information about the counseling services offered by JFS, visit jfsvancouver.ca or call Stamp at 604-637-3309.