health

The need to support caregivers

Rick Tash is the primary caregiver of his wife, Bambi Fass, who is dying of cancer. (still)

A new short film by Dr. Jessica Zitter and Kevin Gordon gives an intimate look at the toll involved in caring for a loved one at the end stages of their life.

Zitter happened upon palliative care, she said, before “anyone even knew how to spell the word ‘palliative,’” after she had “finally realized I’d been feeling a lot of burning walls of stress in the way that I had been practising medicine.”

A physician in Northern California, Zitter said, “I’d been treating patients like objects on a conveyor belt, instead of as people, and then began to practise, for the next two decades, palliative care and critical care at the same time, providing me with a strange vantage point within the world of medicine.

“I was inspired to write and share stories about what’s going on in hospitals, and about how we’re treating the seriously ill among us … and I also continue practising medicine.”

Zitter at first opted to educate the public via books, but then she encountered the power of film. “I realized, all these messages I’m trying to get across to people – about medical culture and about what we want to think about differently – they’d lend themselves so well to film, to show the experience of the patient. If a picture is worth 1,000 words, I realized that a movie is worth much more than 1,000 pictures.”

photos - Dr. Jessica Zitter and Kevin Gordon are directors of the short film Caregiver: A Love Story — Dr. Jessica Zitter and Kevin Gordon are directors of the short film Caregiver: A Love Story. *(photos from Jessica Zitter)*

In the 24-minute Caregiver: A Love Story, the audience meets a woman Zitter met at synagogue, Bambi Fass, and Fass’s husband, Rick Tash. Fass was dying of cancer and Zitter offered palliative care, but was refused, until Fass’s condition became dire.

“She called me and she was extremely sick and had deteriorated,” Zitter told the Independent. “She said she needed help and, that day, we got her into hospice care. She was so, so sick and in so much pain and suffering. That day, her life turned around for the better. All of a sudden, she was living again.”

That is when Zitter asked Fass if she would be willing to be filmed. “She replied, ‘I want to help someone else … if you want to write about me or anything.’ She knew about my book. That’s when we got a film crew. I thought the film would be about her, an amazing woman. What I didn’t realize then is that it would actually end up being about her husband as the main focus. I thought he was just going to be the guy who opens the door for the hospital, but he ended up being a central character.”

Fass had sat a few rows in front of Zitter at their synagogue. “She had a long braid of hair,” recalled Zitter. “I’d always see it from behind. I didn’t know her really, but I did wonder…. She was very, very sick…. I knew she was, because she had brain metastasis. She was vivacious and funny. She was staring her death in the face and she still had a sense of humour. She was a hero, a really fascinating character.”

It took almost two years to put the movie together and to fully grasp the importance of sharing it with the world.

“I never realized – the invisible public health crisis, family caregiver burden – how much this story needed to be told,” said Zitter. “The original intention I had for this film was to show how, once you make the right decision, everything will be OK…. I then realized how naïve that message was. It’s not that easy. You can make decisions that feel like they’re going to be the right choice for the patients, but will it be the right choice for the family as a whole? We have to be much more holistic when we think about our patients. It really needs to include our families as well.

“Even in a loving, caring and organized community like ours, we aren’t necessarily focusing on and supporting the family caregivers among us,” said Zitter. “And there are a lot of family caregivers – rising numbers – with very little support. An organized community has been unable to attend to this man [Tash] who is deteriorating in front of our eyes, because they don’t know what to do with him. We’re not primed to think about caregiver burden as an urgent task.”

Zitter found that her synagogue had no committee to assist family caregivers, and her hospital community was also not paying attention to caregivers.

“They’re an invisible workforce that we don’t pay attention to,” said Zitter. “We don’t attend to them, we don’t think about them, we don’t identify them, we don’t include them in the conversation. But they’re a huge part of our workforce … and we’re just ignoring them.”

Zitter’s hope is that people from various communities, including synagogues, churches and mosques, will watch this movie and then establish a workshop for family caregivers and identify ways to support caregivers. To that end, she has created a keynote message and an hour-long program to raise awareness of this crisis and do something about it.

“The best place to start is at caregiveralovestory.com,” she said. “You can go on the website and see public screenings that are coming up and other ways to watch the film yourself, whether bringing it to your organization or watching it privately.”

Currently, Zitter is working on a film about deathbed spirituality and prayer, as well as on a movie about Ethan Sisser, a Jewish Buddhist.

“Ethan was an amazing, amazing guy,” said Zitter. “He died about two or three months ago. He has a community following on social media. A lot of young people were just so moved by the way he viewed his death and the bravery and beauty of his final days…. We’re making a film about him, which will be beautiful and, hopefully, you’ll see that soon.”

Rebeca Kuropatwa is a Winnipeg freelance writer.

CABGU gala now sold out

Mitchell Oelbaum, national president of Canadian Associates of Ben-Gurion University. (photo from in.bgu.ac.il)

Raising nearly $800,000 at a not-for-profit gala is no small feat, nor is having more than 1,200 people register for an event. When you add a pandemic to the mix and make it a virtual event, one might assume that it would be impossible to come close! But that’s precisely what the Canadian Associates of Ben-Gurion University (CABGU) did in just seven weeks.

“We are a lean but unbelievably keen staff at CABGU, with an incredibly generous and committed group of lay leaders,” said Mark Mendelson, CABGU’s chief executive officer. “Achievements like this make me so proud!”

Mendelson knew that every detail of the event was accounted for, beginning with the star attraction. Israeli actress Shira Haas, star of the popular Netflix series Shtisel and Unorthodox, recently nominated for both a Golden Globe and an Emmy, is the featured speaker. Fresh off her recent press tour for the newly released movie Asia, she will be joining the event live from Israel. Haas will be taking questions from Canada’s Sen. Linda Frum, who will be moderating the conversation along with Prof. Daniel Chamovitz, BGU’s president.

CABGU’s An “Unorthodox” National Virtual Gala for Brain Research at BGU raises money for the Canada Fund to Advance Brain Research. “The fund will go a long way in assisting researchers at the university with conducting groundbreaking and out-of-the-box research,” said Mitchell Oelbaum, national president of CABGU.

“CABGU launched the Canada Fund to Advance Brain Research at BGU in April,” added Mendelson. “We know that there is a strong appetite for the subject of brain research because so many of us know at least one person, if not more, who is impacted by neurodegenerative diseases here in Canada.”

Tickets for the July 7 virtual gala are sold out. However, a few sponsorships are still available at bengurion.ca.

– Courtesy Canadian Associates of Ben-Gurion University

Writing story of the moment

(photo from flickr.com/photos/lukas_photo)

“Identity is a narrative of the self – it’s a story we tell about the self in order to know who we are.” (Stuart Hall)

In our day-to-day lives, we are always telling stories. We tell these stories to one another and in our own minds. A story is anything that we communicate to ourselves. Stories are how we create and communicate content, understanding and relevance between random events and details. I engage with stories through my therapeutic practice, Threads Education and Counselling, by way of narrative therapy.

When you sit down and reflect upon the story that you have been living lately, or what I like to call your “story of the moment,” you begin to shed a mindful light on how you are feeling and experience an embodied sense of knowing.

Ask yourself: what is the story that you have been living lately? The lived stories are often multifaceted; can be contradictory and not linear. Is it a story, to name some possibilities, that includes struggle, hope, perseverance, love, anger, disappointment, grief, overcoming, expansion, growth, steadiness, survival or rapid change? How would you describe your “story of the moment”? What is sitting heavy inside? What are you preoccupied with and why?

It is important to explore your “story of the moment” and start in this place in order to gain insights. We gain insights relationally, through getting inside the stories where they are living and contemplating them. Describe your story in five to seven sentences. Some people like to narrate their stories aloud, others like to write or type them out in a contemplative writing practice through which I guide them.

Once the story is expressed, ask yourself if this is the story you want to be living right now. Explore the reasons why and the reasons why not. This allows a jumping off point into expanding on the “story of the moment” and looking at outside and institutional influences (family, school, work, relationships, location, age, gender, race, class, religion, health) that impact the stories we live. As a trained witness and narrative therapist, it is my job to ask questions of how circumstances, events and your particular social locations are colouring the stories that you are living and breathing inside and alongside.

In my practice, we would then explore if you need to make some significant changes in your life in order to change the story; if there is a way you can shift perspectives to understand your current story in another way; or if there is a new story that you can tell and inhabit in place of the story you have been living inside of and are speaking about.

Mindfulness grounding techniques, thematic prompts and the possibility of expressive art techniques help round out and fully access the complexities of the stories inside.

Here is an exercise I do to explore the narratives of our lives. I ask my clients to create a self-portrait. Many choose to draw themselves, while others stick with words and create rich descriptors based on self-reflection of who and how they are today. This prompt allows the “story of the moment” to appear from the corner of the heart of mind, untangle from the mess in a drawer and reveal itself so that it can be expressed and understood.

Therapeutic letter writing

A letter is a form of written communication addressed to someone that expresses meaningful messages. In the context of counseling, letter writing has a long history and, in the 2007 book Stories as Equipment for Living: Last Talks and Tales of Barbara Myerhoff, Myerhoff writes about how we can be “nourished by the stories being fed back to ourselves” in the genre of a therapeutic letter. Specifically, in the narrative context, therapeutic letters are used with the purpose of creating double story development, where the listener provides an acknowledgement of the problem as well as rich descriptions of alternative stories that were hidden within the dominant “problem” story.

The therapeutic letter, and the practice and process of writing, offers a tangible and layered documented expression of the complex, beautiful, layered and innovative ways in which the people I work with are responding to the problems in their lives. The letters serve to connect them with the many stories that are circulating around them and permeating inside their mind, as well as embodied within them. Simply, therapeutic letters work in tandem with the therapeutic session to connect them with the stories of their lives. Some people I work with actively respond to the letters I send them, with a response in the form of a returned letter, or a poem, drawing or conversation.

Crafting a therapeutic letter demands that the health practitioner carefully and mindfully reflects on the therapeutic conversational sessions that just concluded. For me, letter writing provides me the crucial opportunity and space to critically reflect on my practices and facilitates further growth and insight on how I can craft more expansive questions, as well as opportunities for the people I work with to engage with their stories with me alongside as an active, trained witness.

Letter writing within narrative therapeutic practice enables a deepening of the work of revising an individual’s relationships with the central issues, preoccupations and problems that inform, colour and get entangled up and inside their selves, bodies and lives. Letters are a tangible product that both allows for and demonstrates active listening and validation. It is an evolving and emergent practice, grounded in the contradictory, the complex, the fluid. It has the ability to hold and express multiple stories of the moment that we all hold, carry and live out in our lives.

Dr. Abby Wener Herlin is a feminist narrative therapist who works with tweens and adults, and a social emotional learning/social justice educator. Her website is threadseducation.com. These discussions of narrative therapy were originally posted at health-local.com/author/dr-abby-herlin.

Beth Israel hails Dr. Henry

Dr. Bonnie Henry will be honoured at Beth Israel’s gala event May 30. (photo from BI)

Dr. Bonnie Henry will be honoured at the 2021 Congregation Beth Israel gala May 30. The provincial health officer for British Columbia will be given the Keter Ha’bri’ut Award at the virtual celebration.

The term keter ha’bri’ut translates to Crown of Health, and the award has been created “to honour those in the community who have worked diligently, relentlessly and with humility for the betterment of their fellow citizens.”

“The truth is that we couldn’t think of anyone better than Bonnie Henry because, the fact is that she’s literally been a keter ha’bri’ut, a crown of health, for our province in helping to keep us healthy,” said Rabbi Jonathan Infeld, senior rabbi at Beth Israel. “She embodies one of the single most important concepts of Jewish tradition, spreading the word of chesed, of kindness. It’s not only that she cares about the physical health of our province, but I think one of the reasons that she has become famous across the country and the world is because she cares about the humanity of our province as well.”

When the synagogue’s gala committee asked Henry if she would be willing to be honoured by the gala and receive an award, about nine months ago, organizers hoped that the event might be in person or, at least, a hybrid event with some people present and others tuning in virtually.

Instead, the main portion of the event will feature words from Henry, Infeld and others, all virtually, with musical entertainment by Maya Rae. At certain ticket levels, food delivery is included and, for major donors, a pre-event will feature a mixology session, with cocktail kits delivered to the homes of virtual attendees. Henry will share a favourite cocktail recipe of her own.

Henry’s commitment to inclusion and her respect for Jewish traditions impressed Infeld from the moment Henry held her first group conference call with clergy from around the province, about the time the pandemic began.

“One of the things that really touched me,” he said, “was in her very first address to the clergy of British Columbia – I’m not talking about the rabbis, but for the clergy of British Columbia – many, many months ago, as we were entering into the COVID era, she said, we are going to have to have fewer faces and bigger spaces and one of the things that that means is we won’t be able to do in-person shivas for awhile.”

Infeld believes that Henry’s time as associate medical officer of health for Toronto Public Health during H1N1 and SARS outbreaks in that metropolis put her in close contact with the Jewish community there.

Henry’s work is serious, as is the award she will receive from Beth Israel, said the rabbi, but parts of the evening’s program will be lighthearted.

The gala is to be emceed by Dr. Isaac Elias, a young member of the synagogue and a medical doctor who helped guide the synagogue’s response to COVID from the beginning.

The event will be relatively short – about an hour – and partial proceeds will be donated to the B.C. Centre for Disease Control.

Infeld said, “It’s an opportunity for us as a community to say thank you to someone who has done so much for the province and for the residents of the province and embodies some of the most important messages of Jewish thought, being that of the importance of saving lives and of the importance of being kind to others.”

While the virtual gala will be an unusual event, Infeld stresses that the shul is no stranger to Zooming. Since the week the pandemic began, he said, the decision was made “to ramp up our programming, not ramp down.”

“We actually have more programming than we have ever had before,” he said. “In the early days of COVID, when everyone was literally shut in, we had teams of volunteers calling and assisting our seniors, we engaged all of our young adults and they were helping deliver food to seniors, helping them with whatever needs they had, technological, food and beyond.

“We also increased our programming. We never had a daily learning [before COVID]. Now, we have a daily mussar class. What used to be a monthly Lunch & Learn became the weekly Zoom & Learn and now is becoming the weekly evening program known as Prime Time BI. A Zoom Scholars series was funded in part by Harley Rothstein and Eleanor Boyle. One of the things that we’ve seen is participation rates in our services online and our online programs are up anywhere from 30 to 100%, and we’ve been able to maintain that.”

Presenting sponsor for the gala event is the Shay (Shy) Keil Group.

“I am thrilled to be the presenting sponsor for this event, both in support of the Beth Israel Congregation and also Dr. Bonnie Henry,” said Keil. “It is an honour to present this award to Dr. Henry for all that she has done during the pandemic, making extraordinarily difficult protocol decisions and becoming the public face of this pandemic. It is a thankless task that she has assumed since March 2020 and I am so happy that Beth Israel has decided to recognize her.”

For tickets to the event, visit bethisrael.ca.

Louis Brier campaign starts

(photo from thelouisbrierfoundation.com)

This spring saw the launch of the This Year Like No Other, This Year More Than Ever 2021-2022 Louis Brier Jewish Aged Foundation campaign, which is raising funds to enhance care and innovate the program and service offerings for residents of the Louis Brier Home and Hospital.

Early in 2020, the foundation stepped up to assist the Louis Brier leadership in its exemplary response to the COVID-19 pandemic. By doubling the home’s funding, the foundation was able to support the home in keeping its seniors safe and engaged during one of the most challenging years of their life.

The biennial campaign, which started April 19, will run to May 28. With the community’s help, the goal is to raise $2.4 million. Campaign chairs are Harry Lipetz (board president) and Lee Simpson (immediate past president).

The $2.4 million amount is needed to keep up with the home and hospital’s funding needs, which doubled with the onset of COVID-19. While the foundation is well aware of the many challenges of the present time, we believe this year, like no other, and more than ever, we must collectively come together to care for, and give a well-deserved kavod, to the people who built our community for us in the first place. To contribute and create impact where it’s most needed after the extraordinary challenges of the year 2020. To be part of ensuring that the physical, mental and spiritual needs of the home’s Jewish seniors are met.

Louis Brier’s background

In 1945, 14 friends known as the Hebrew Men’s Cultural Club shared a vision to create a home for Jewish seniors in Vancouver. That home, initially built to accommodate 13 residents, was established in 1946. Over time, that modest facility grew, changed locations and expanded its services, eventually becoming the Louis Brier Home and Hospital, which has progressed in step with Vancouver’s Jewish community.

Today, Louis Brier is part of a continuum of care known as the Snider Campus, which also includes the Weinberg Residence, a boutique assisted living and multi-level care residence adjacent to Louis Brier.

The Louis Brier Jewish Aged Foundation provides and distributes funds to the Snider Campus towards maintaining and fostering the well-being of the Jewish aged of British Columbia, while supporting the enhancement of their quality of life based on Jewish traditions.

Some quick facts

The Louis Brier is a 215-bed long-term residential care home serving Vancouver’s Jewish community.
The home and hospital provide three levels of residency (intermediate care, extended care and special care).
Thirty-five residents of the current population at Louis Brier are Holocaust survivors.
Eighty percent of Louis Brier Home and Hospital’s residents are diagnosed with varying levels of dementia.
The Louis Brier has 436 employees – 195 full-time, 101 part-time and 140 casual.
The home and hospital residents range in age from 50 to 103, with the average age being 84.
The Louis Brier is an accredited institution with exemplary standing (2018). The Accreditation Canada survey team spent four days at the facility and reviewed a total of 19 required organizational practices (ROPs), 216 high priority criteria and 295 other criteria, for a total of 551 criteria. The surveyors determined that Louis Brier successfully met 100% of the 551 criteria evaluated.
The Louis Brier was awarded the 2020 Canadian Non-profit Employer of Choice Award.
The Louis Brier is the only facility in British Columbia with a companion program and has the largest recreation team in Western Canada.
The Louis Brier had a single COVID case among residents.

To donate to the campaign, click here. For more information, call 604-261-5550.

– Courtesy Louis Brier Jewish Aged Foundation

The magic behind kaytana

While Camp Miriam won’t be able to offer overnight camping sessions, it will once again be offering day camp experiences this summer. (photo from Camp Miriam)

I will never forget waking up in a puddle in the middle of the night, feeling water slowly dripping into my sleeping bag as I shivered and clenched my muscles, trying to maintain the tiniest shred of heat.

It was 2011, I was 14, and my kvutza (cabin group) was on a three-day hike that would take us through steep inclines and 30 kilometres of terrain. It poured every day and night, leaving us without a dry item of clothing by the first morning. We were wet, cold, blistered and exhausted. It was a miserable trip.

And we loved it.

On the final day, we emerged from the forest chanting a marching song and smiling with glee at what we had accomplished. To this day, I reminisce about this trip with that same giddy excitement.

And yet, I’ve always wondered, what allowed us to not only persevere, but to create a lifelong positive memory. Anyone who has spent time at Machaneh Miriam – the overnight Jewish summer camp on Gabriola Island – can attest to the magic each new summer conjures. The thing about magic is that we may not know how it works, but we know what it does. It’s what drove us forward, step by step through the mud with smiles and songs that summer. Everywhere you go at Miriam, you can feel the magic – from the building walls decorated with generations of camper art and poetry, to the dining hall filled with chanting and singing voices every lunch.

It’s the same magic that, last summer, propelled Miriam’s youth leadership to accomplish the seemingly impossible.

When the pandemic hit, these young leaders were several months into planning a six-week overnight summer camp on Gabriola. Not only did the pandemic erase months of hard work and preparation, it also posed a serious question: could camp’s magic exist outside of the island?

To most campers and staff, Miriam and Gabriola are inseparable. As the rosh (camp director), Marina Levy, said, “At Camp Miriam, we are connected to our community, to Gabriola and to our traditions.”

Envisioning a summer away from Gabriola was a daunting task. But, the tzevet (staff) rose to the occasion, creating not one, but three kaytanot (day camps) – one each in Vancouver, Victoria and Portland. By summer’s end, more than 200 campers, 60 staff and a whole bunch of parents resoundingly affirmed that camp’s magic can exist off of Gabriola.

To understand the importance of the kaytana, it is necessary to consider the context. At a time when campers had been confined to their homes and separated from their friends for months, the news that overnight camp was not happening came as a severe blow.

The immediate effect of the pandemic on kids’ mental health was profound. Research by SickKids hospital in Toronto showed that, in just the first three months of the lockdown, a majority of children showed a serious deterioration in their mental health.

According to Camp Miriam parents, the kaytana helped their kids overcome some of that stress. One parent said, “Last June, our daughter was really struggling with the impact of COVID on her life, it was significant. Camp Miriam’s summer camp in Vancouver brought her back to herself again. A combination of the social component, the programming and empowerment she felt, and the sense of purpose in her life helped her rediscover herself and revive herself.”

Another parent observed a change in her son after just one day. “I almost cried hearing him talk about it,” she said. “I think it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say it was a transformative experience.”

Counselor Rakeea Gordis said that, during the weekly Shabbat tradition where campers sit together and reflect on their week, “At least one, but usually up to five kids would say that they were devastated that today, Friday, was the last day of the kaytana for the week.”

So, how did the staff manifest the magic of overnight camp in day camps far from the quiet comfort of Gabriola? A huge amount of credit goes to the youth leadership who worked long days and then late into the night throughout the summer creating kishutim (decorations) for special days, planning peulot (educational activities) and even burying items for a treasure hunt the following day.

Financially, none of this would have been possible without the support of the camp’s community and the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver, who stepped up at a time of extreme need, as well as the Grinspoon Foundation and the Heller Memorial Fund, who provided matching grants. It cost nearly three times as much to run the kaytana as to run the overnight camp.

So, perhaps, camp’s magic is not a complete mystery after all. As technical director Inbar Avrahami Saraf said, “[The kaytana] was an experiment, a proof of concept of the magic of machaneh, and how the magic is not in the physical space but in the chanichm [campers] and the tzevet and just the community that makes it so incredible.”

So, credit must be given to the force of will that the youth leaders and the wider Jewish community bring – the relentless push to build and dream; to create community and unforgettable experiences, whether they be on Gabriola Island, on a three-day hike in the pouring rain or in the midst of a pandemic.

“The magic of machaneh doesn’t just exist far away on an island, it exists where we choose to create it,” said Levy.

Unfortunately, once again Camp Miriam has had to cancel its overnight camp due to COVID-19, but, once again, the young staff are ready to create amazing kaytana experiences. To register for Miriam’s 2021 summer programs or to support the camp as it faces another challenging season, go to campmiriam.org.

Sasa Popovich is a writer and former Camp Miriam camper, counselor and technical director.

Where I’ve been this year

After listening to Dr. Betsy Stone during a community workshop called A Year of Upheaval: What has Trauma Done to our Bodies and our Brains?, I decided to take her advice and tell my story. According to Stone, “Healing requires storytelling … we tell our stories so we’ll understand our experience differently.”

The past 15 months have been a journey for all of us. Some more than others, but no one has not “traveled” during the pandemic. And, by travel, I mean change. Whether we’re brave enough (honest enough?) to admit it or not, we have all been transformed. Call it trauma, call it what you like. It’s all a matter of semantics. Not everyone is as vocal as I am, or as filled with anxiety about COVID, but no one comes out of this horrible shindig unscathed.

Whether your resilience lies in emotional strength or a feeling of invincibility, or whether you’re firmly entrenched in that big river in Egypt (denial), we all cope in our own ways. There is no one right way through this. You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it – you can only go through it. Putting our experience into words brings new life to it, new insights. Speaking it makes it even more real and, maybe, just maybe, easier to cope with.

So, where have I been this year? I wish I could answer that with geographic precision. What comes to mind is: home. And, occasionally, the pharmacy and grocery store, as well as walks close to home. While I hate to say that the pandemic has been my world, it’s hard to escape the reality of that pronouncement. I fully admit my obsession with the pandemic, my fear and my single-minded focus on how to stay healthy. I won’t apologize for it, or feel less-than. It is what it is.

That doesn’t mean to say that my fear has prevented me from seeing silver linings during this unparalleled time. There has definitely been more than one “there-must-be-a-pony” moment. The most important one being that my nephew and his wife had a baby boy near the start of the pandemic. It doesn’t get any better than that. In random order after that, I have thrown myself into the deep end of the pool with Torah classes and other religious learning. Next on my list is that I started on a life-changing medical treatment that makes my life much easier. I have made new friends and acquaintances through the numerous Zoom classes I attend nearly every day. I am exercising 100% more than I did pre-pandemic. I might sleep less, but my brain has expanded. In the good way. And that’s just the beginning.

All this is by way of saying that, while I wouldn’t award COVID first place in a popularity contest, it has had its bright spots. It has impacted my perspective on all things, in a way that nothing else has, to that degree. When I think about what’s important now, my pre-COVID list is almost laughable. I, like many others, have embraced the basics: health and safety, family, faith and trust.

When I think of the trajectory of this past 15 months, it’s hard to articulate. Or, more to the point, what our reactions have been. Have I learned to be more trusting, or more suspicious? Have I expanded my capacity for compassion, or have I become more selfish? Have I anchored my experiences in religious belief, or have I trusted in science? Have I given in to my fears, or have I conquered them? While I’ve always tended to lean towards the black and white, there really are no absolutes right now. There are, however, firm yeses and hard no’s. I am reconsidering everything I once was certain about. The $64,000 question is whether I will be able to integrate what I’ve learned and turn it into something positive when all this is over. Or, better yet, before all this is over. The jury is still out. But I’m hopeful.

I have become exponentially more grateful for the simple things: my devoted husband who is my perfect companion in life; that I have a loving and lovely family; that I have never had to worry about where my next meal will come from; that I live in a part of the world that has great doctors, easy access to medical care and all the outdoor green spaces you could ever ask for; and that I have mentors and friends. I could go on ad infinitum.

Too often, I see the clouds instead of the blue sky that’s right behind it. I see impediments where there don’t have to be any. Positivity is a steep learning curve for me. It’s funny that I used to consider myself an optimist. Since the pandemic, I’ve come to see how maybe-not-true that is. Not that I’m proud of it, it’s just the current reality. But I’m trying pointedly to turn that around. There are days where I see hope staring me in the face everywhere. Literally everywhere. Other days, it’s just fog and darkness. I know I’m hardly unique in this.

So, in truth, I have been lots of places this year. Mostly in my head. But some real places, too. Like a certain street in Shaughnessy that’s filled with huge trees, beautiful homes and no people walking about. A place where it’s safe for me to take off my face mask for a block or two. Until I see someone. I have also been to a place of sheer, unnamable joy, seeing my tiny great-nephew on WhatsApp video. I have discovered flowers I never knew existed, in areas I’d never walked before (despite being a native Vancouverite). I have traveled via Zoom to other countries, for learning and sometimes for pleasure. But pleasures that don’t involve a beach or a buffet. And I travel constantly in my dreams.

Every day of this pandemic, I have learned something. About myself, about others, about faith. That’s got to count for something, right? When we all heal from what Stone calls this “trauma,” we’re definitely going to come out of it changed. Whether that change is positive or negative, or a combination of both, is up to us entirely. My commitment to myself is that I’m going to try and lay the groundwork for an improved Shelley. A less anxious, more trusting, deliberately positive Shelley.

I guarantee you’ll still recognize me, though. I’ll be the one still wearing a facemask a year from now. Or maybe not.

Shelley Civkin is a happily retired librarian and communications officer. For 17 years, she wrote a weekly book review column for the Richmond Review. She’s currently a freelance writer and volunteer.

Working through emotions

The experiential feeling of shame is defined as a painful emotion caused by feeling like you have done something wrong or disgraceful. Shame is a popular trope and is associated with the concept of “Jewish guilt.” However, on the ground and in my practice with tweens, adolescents and adult women, shame carries with it strong painful emotions and regret(s). Shame is a common reaction to anxiety, depression and mental and emotional stress.

For the therapeutic clients who work with me, shame is expressed as all-consuming. In the context of emotional and mental stresses that are relational or situational, common expressions of shame arise of feeling broken, defective and disconnected. My general aim is to acknowledge the power of shame and their particular relationship to it by also normalizing the emotion and experiences with it. As a therapist, I use various creative-, expressive-, psychosocial-, embodied-, feminist-, narrative- and mindfulness-based psychotherapies to work a way inside, through and outside of the burdens my clients are holding. For the purpose of this article, I will focus on mindfulness psychotherapy.

Experiences of anxiety, depression, grief, relationship and family struggles often result in individuals being programmed and aware of the value of, or favouring of, one part of their experience over another – for some, it is intellectual or cognitive abilities; others are guided by emotions; others by physical signals. More and more we are realizing the importance of recognizing and listening to all of our responses as a way to heal and grow. A mindful approach to psychotherapy helps you identify and integrate all of these parts of yourself. Brain science validates this notion and suggests that, by attending to your thought patterns, emotional reactions and sensory experiences, you can change patterns of thinking, feeling and moving in the world. Even complicated mental and emotional health experiences paired with the weight of shame can be tackled using mindfulness as a key component in therapy and applying it in day-to-day life.

Mindfulness practice offers hope for changing unwanted or destructive reactions, belief systems and behaviours that seem fixed or difficult to mobilize. For example, if you have a negative self-view, by noticing the story you tell yourself and considering it a pattern of thinking versus a truth, there is room to reevaluate and create a more accurate description of yourself. And, when you have a more accurate and accepting view of yourself, you are more likely to trust yourself and live more freely. This work is not easy and it is important to proceed gently and in the care of a trusted mental health professional.

I will share a short mindfulness practice that you can do at home. Mindfulness connects one’s mind to one’s body and one’s breath. I like carrying out this mindfulness exercise with my individual therapeutic clients and in group therapy because it serves as a reminder to connect to one’s body and to breathe through it. Through this mindfulness practice, that I call “body scan,” one can gain both emotional and physical clarity and start a naming and eventual cleansing of emotions that do not serve including shame.

Body scan

Find a place you can sit comfortably, quietly and undisturbed and set a gentle timer for five to 10 minutes. Be kind with yourself and start slowly, with five minutes. The more you practise, the easier a longer mindfulness practice will be.

During the body scan exercise, you will pay close attention to the physical sensations throughout your body. The goal is not to change or relax your body and mind, but instead to notice and become more aware of your body, your mind and your breath.

Begin by paying attention to the sensations in your feet. Notice any sensations such as warmth, coolness, pressure, pain or a breeze moving over your skin. Slowly move up your body – to your calves, thighs, pelvis, stomach, chest, back, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, neck and, finally, your head. Spend some time on each of these body parts, just noticing the sensations. Remember to breathe as fully as you can, in through your mouth, exhaling through your nose. Your breaths are like gentle and ongoing waves.

After you travel your body, begin to move back down, through each part, until you reach your feet again. Remember to move slowly, and just pay attention, breathing and noticing.

Dr. Abby Wener Herlin holds a doctorate degree from the University of British Columbia. She is the founder of Threads Education and Counselling and works with tweens, adolescents and adults. She carries out themed social justice and creative arts and writing workshops for students, teachers and schools. She is available for therapeutic sessions and contemplative writing workshops. She can be reached at [email protected] or via threadseducation.com.

COVID and other challenges

Dr. Judith Moskowitz (photo from Judith Moskowitz)

Anxiety and stress can be debilitating even in the most normal of times, but, with COVID-19 and all that it encompasses, we have all been presented with a whole other level of challenges.

In this context, the Jewish Independent connected with Dr. Judith Moskowitz, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, in Chicago. She is also the director of research for Northwestern’s Osher Centre for Integrative Medicine. Trained as a social psychologist, with expertise in stress and coping with emotions, Moskowitz started her career in the early 1990s, helping men caring for their partners suffering from AIDS.

“Before there were more effective treatments available, it was essentially a terminal illness,” she said. “Caring for a loved one with AIDS was really one of the most stressful events a human could experience.”

Initially, she said, “We’d ask them, ‘What is stressful about this?’ Then, we’d help them cope with it, really focusing in on the negative part the whole experience and, shortly after the start of the study, the participants started saying, ‘You’re not asking us about the good things in our lives’ … which surprised us, because we’re coming at it from a very much stress and coping way.

“So, we listened to them and started then asking, ‘OK, tell us something positive that happened in the last week.’ And, almost in every single interview, even if their partner had just died, they could talk about something positive … often something small … having to do with something else going on in their lives not necessarily directly related to their care-giving.”

This new perspective helped direct Moskowitz onto a path looking at the positive things within stressful life events, allowing positive emotions to be expressed along with the negative.

“This isn’t about pretending things aren’t happening,” she stressed. “Rather, it’s about knowing that, even when times are really dark and you may be experiencing a lot of negative emotions and a lot of stress – maybe even depression or anxiety – you also have the ability to experience positive emotions as well. So, if you can experience the positive alongside those negative emotions, you’ll be able to cope better.”

Moskowitz and her team put together a program that includes eight to 10 skills, depending on the target group, toward helping participants increase their daily experience of positive emotions – stopping to notice, savour and capitalize on those good aspects.

“When things are stressful, it can be hard to see the positive things going on,” said Moskowitz. “We help people realize there’s usually something positive happening … you just have to be able to notice it.

“Things might be really horrific, but your dog is sitting next to you, really loves you, and it’s very sweet. So, just taking a moment and petting your dog, and then maybe telling someone about it – that would be noticing something positive in your life and savouring or capitalizing on it,” she explained. “We’ve been able to show that people who learn these skills and then practise them have better emotional well-being. They’re less likely to be depressed. In some samples, we were seeing some physical health effects. So, through clinical trials, we showed that the program seems to be helpful.”

When COVID first hit, Moskowitz was inundated with questions about how to cope better with stresses associated with the pandemic. The bottom line is that these skills transcend any particular stressor and can help no matter what the situation.

“For COVID, my advice is the same as it is for coping with breast cancer, diabetes, depression, or being a high school student,” said Moskowitz. “Learn these skills, try them out, see which work for you and, then, keep doing them. It’s like a physical activity, something you need to keep on doing. You can’t just do it once … similar to gratitude, noticing the good things, being thankful … it doesn’t work for you to just be grateful once and then be done with it. You need to take it up as a habit, and that can help you cope with COVID-19 or adapt with whatever kind of life stress you’re facing.”

Moskowitz also teaches the importance of doing acts of kindness. The idea is that, when you do something nice for someone else, it helps you feel better, too. Such an act can be as simple as paying for the coffee of the person in line behind you. Or looking someone in the eye and thanking them, making them feel appreciated and seen. And there are many types of acts that can be done without the receiver knowing the kindness came from you, if you’d rather remain anonymous.

“Doing these acts helps you feel better in a situation where you might think, I’m suffering here, I’m having a really hard time … but, knowing you can do something to help someone else can help your own well-being,” said Moskowitz.

Another skill she pointed to is “positive reappraisal.” When something stressful happens, take a moment to reframe it or think about it in a way that makes it seem not so bad or even like it’s positive thing – find the good in it.

“Sometimes, it takes the form of actually learning something about yourself – like you find that you are stronger than you’d thought you were,” said Moskowitz. “My favourite positive reappraisal is, ‘Well, that could have been worse! It’s bad, but it could have been worse.’

“An extreme example of this happened when we were doing some work with a gun-violence prevention group here in Chicago, teaching them these skills. They work with young men who are at high risk of either being victims or perpetrators of gun violence. The people they work with often are involved in a shooting. [The group members] will talk about it and will say, ‘One of our clients was shot and is in the hospital, but he’s alive.’ Having one of your clients shot is pretty bad and very stressful, but they’re able to say, ‘You know what? It could have been worse. He could have died, but he’s still alive.’ So, that’s a very vivid example of positive reappraisal.”

Moskowitz stressed that there is no one technique that works better than all others. She said, with regard to various anxiety- and stress-reducing methods, it is very much a matter of what fits best for each individual in a particular circumstance.

For more information visit moskowitzlab.com.

Rebeca Kuropatwa is a Winnipeg freelance writer.

Evaluating info online

Dr. Noah Alexander was the keynote speaker at the Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum on March 21. (photo from medicalmentorcommunity.com)

Can I Trust That? Evaluating Health Information Online was the topic of the Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum, held virtually on Sunday, March 21.

Gyda Chud, co-president of JSA, welcomed about 100 people to the afternoon event. She reminded attendees of the four foundational elements of JSA: outreach, education, advocacy and peer support. She then turned the mic over to Tamara Frankel, a member of the program committee, to introduce the guest speaker, Dr. Noah Alexander.

Alexander is a practising emergency physician at Vancouver General Hospital. Although he usually works on the front line, he also works to empower patients. He does this through his role as the associate director of digital health literacy at the InterCultural Online Health Network. This organization helps members of many different communities understand and manage their chronic health conditions.

Alexander began his talk by stating that his goal was to provide a systemic approach to health education. He highlighted many elements, beginning with the question, How do you know who to trust in this information age?

When using a search engine (he likes to use Google Chrome), use key words or short sentences to find information. When looking at the search results, consider whose website it is, their credibility and the value of the content. Credibility and content are key to the whole process. For example, who wrote the article or blog, and are they known and respected? How old is the entry? Is it relevant to the question you’re asking? Is it peer-reviewed or is the writer or organization accredited? Check the site’s URL: for example, .com entities are usually commercial and profit-based, whereas URLs ending in .org, .gov and .edu are not-for-profit.

Check both the credentials of the authors and whether they are being paid and, if so, by whom. If the entry has advertisements, there is likely to be a bias involved, Alexander warned. He said people should not trust a Wikipedia entry for important information, as anyone can add their own comments to the post. Rather, use a credible health website such as the BC Centre for Disease Control, HealthLink BC, Vancouver Coastal Health, or any other government agency.

If an article’s page contains links to other websites, there could be a conflict in that they may be selling merchandise. Red flags should be raised when cures are being offered and sold online, said Alexander. Do not trust simple, non-medically proven solutions, or advice contained in group chats. Make sure that there is a privacy policy.

Alexander then presented an interactive quiz based on his presentation, after which Chud thanked him for clarifying the elements involved in seeking accurate health information online. She also summarized the questions attendees posted in the chat and Alexander answered a number of them.

The answer to the question posed about health information online – “Can I Trust That?” – is yes … if you follow Alexander’s suggestions.

Shanie Levin is program coordinator for Jewish Seniors Alliance and on the editorial board of Senior Line magazine.