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Virtual reality as a therapy?

Philip Be’er (photo from Philip Be’er)

Philip Be’er, a counselor based in Sidney, B.C., 27 kilometres north of Victoria, has recently introduced virtual reality therapy consultations to anyone, anywhere, “as long as they have a good internet connection.” Sessions are held both in person, using a VR headset, and, if done remotely, a computer or smartphone.

VR therapy attempts to address a number of phobias, anxieties, addictive disorders and other mental health conditions. If someone were to have a fear of heights, for example, VR therapy, using the headset and software, could simulate a scene in which one enters a glass elevator in a skyscraper. As the elevator goes up – 10 floors, 25 floors, 100 floors – a therapist can help the client work with the various sensations and emotions that the simulation evokes in the client.

Be’er said that, when he first heard about VR therapy, he recognized its potential upon reflecting on how the human brain does not always accurately distinguish between real experience and visualized or imaginary experiences. If one goes through something that feels realistic, as it can with VR, the brain sometimes believes that the experience has happened, and this belief, Be’er claims, can be used for healing.

“The power of VR is that it inserts a person into something that feels quite realistic. We take them to a place that triggers the feeling that I am not safe without ever putting the person into danger,” he explained. “It feels unsafe but I am not unsafe, and all I have to do if I am feeling this lack of safety is take off the goggles, and I realize that I am sitting in a place where there is no actual danger.”

Advocates of VR therapy think it can provide a person the ability to remove themselves from the perception of danger and into safety. Further, that it can help address deleterious emotions as they arise.

“Using virtual reality, I can take people through situations and allow them to calm their nervous systems when they feel unsafe and yet are not really unsafe,” said Be’er. “This could be going into a subway and not feeling safe around the people there or, for a person with OCD [obsessive-compulsive disorder], feeling like they are going to die because there are germs and infections around, and they are constantly washing their hands. In these situations, virtual reality can help differentiate between what is really dangerous and what my nervous system is telling me is dangerous.”

According to Be’er, it is a matter of the nervous system recalibrating. Instead of being overwhelmed by danger signals, it eventually selects only those where there really is imminent danger.

Be’er shared an example of what he considered a successful virtual reality therapy case. It involved a client who had been struggling with severe issues around social anxiety and who coped by using alcohol to self-medicate. The person was so uncomfortable with others that they rarely left their room. Yet, there was one place they were able interact with others: virtual reality chat rooms.

“The thing that made it safer for my client was that they presented as a carrot, banana, dragon or whatever avatar they chose and nobody could really see who they were,” he said. “They could go and interact with people, and the worst thing that could happen was that avatar would be rejected if they made some kind of faux pas, if they did something that was socially unacceptable or in some way antagonized or turned the other person off. There was not that much to lose because, if something went wrong for them with this particular avatar, they would simply change their user name and avatar and then they could practise again.”

Be’er coached the client to develop some of their social skills using this visualized virtual world and that person was able to reduce their dependence on alcohol. Within a few weeks, the client was interacting in a sales position with people on an ongoing basis.

To be sure, because VR therapy is still in its early stages, there are unanswered questions about its future. In a 2018 Scientific American article, Albert “Skip” Rizzo, director of medical virtual reality at the University of Southern California’s Institute for Creative Technologies, commented, “The next biggest controversy [in] psychology is going to be: How far can we go with AI [artificial intelligence] and virtual therapists?”

And lest one think that machines will supplant real-life counselors any time soon, the BBC’s Science Focusmagazine notes, “VR therapy won’t replace human therapists, but it’s a powerful adjunct and access to it is going to grow.”

Local therapists to whom the Independent spoke also noted that VR could be a useful tool in treatment, but were cautious about its use as therapy in and of itself.

Be’er said he has been on a lifelong quest to understand the roots of family (and societal) dysfunction and to identify the most effective ways to bring about individual and collective healing. He works with individuals, families, businesses and organizations, offering regular workshops, seminars and an online course.

For more information on Be’er’s use of virtual reality therapy, visit b-loops.com/vr.

Sam Margolis has written for the Globe and Mail, the National Post, UPI and MSNBC.

Khazzoom has new EP

The cover of Iraqis in Pajamas’ new album, Pijamama, features Loolwa Khazzooom’s grandfather, Abraham Khazzoom.

The multifaceted, multicultural and impossible-to-pigeonhole Loolwa Khazzoom is back, along with her band, Iraqis in Pajamas, with a studio-produced album, Pijamama, that was released on July 16.

The new album by the Seattle-based musician honours her mother, E.J., who passed away on July 16, 2019, and who encouraged Khazzoom to pursue her music. Khazzoom credits E.J. with demonstrating that we all have “the ability to radically transform ourselves and our relationships – and to stop the crushing boulder of intergenerational trauma – when are willing to face and go through the darkness together.”

A photo of Khazzoom’s grandfather, Abraham Khazzoom, who she describes as “the original Iraqi in pajamas,” graces the album’s cover. The band’s name, she explained, derives from an uncomplimentary reputation Iraqi expatriates had in the Israeli city of Ramat Gan for putting on their pajamas when they had arrived home and the work of the day was completed.

The EP features Khazzoom on vocals and bass, Robbie Morsehead on drums, Cali Hackmann on keyboard and backup vocals, and Alden Hackmann on guitar. The melodies and lyrics were written by Khazzoom. Pijamama showcases three songs.

“Mahalnu” explores the Jewish practice of asking forgiveness ahead of Yom Kippur. It then raises the question of what happens when someone asks for forgiveness, without changing their behaviour, especially in the case of violence. “What is the difference between forgiveness of you and erasure of me?” Khazzoom asks.

“The Fixer,” a declarative prayer, advocates the rejection of compensating for another person’s not doing necessary work in a relationship. The chorus, “ashir shir hadash” (“I will sing a new song”), comes from “Ezer Musarai,” an Iraqi Jewish song for Purim, which inspired Khazzoom as a child.

“Fireball” looks at being a caregiver in spite of emotional violence. The lyrics proclaim: “You can be downright vicious / Throwing a fireball / At the one who cares most about you / The one who is always there for you….”

photo - Loolwa Khazzoom — Loolwa Khazzoom *(photo from Iraqis in Pajamas)*

Khazzoom has had a varied career. Among other things, she has been an educator, writer and health coach, all of which share, she says, the central principle of individual and collective healing. Ultimately, Khazzoom says she “ditched her power suit and Powerpoint in favour of combat boots and cat glasses to offer bold songwriting as the catalyst for deep and heart-centred conversation.”

The connections between her diverse activities have been subjects she has long contemplated.

“I have been keenly aware of interconnectedness since I was very young, partly because I was highly sensitive and thinking about things deeply, and partly because my identities were a crisscross of those considered at odds or even at war with each other – making it obvious to me that many social constructs and divisions were false,” Khazzoom explained.

“My songs reflect this awareness – explicitly or implicitly connecting dots between things that most people don’t initially recognize as being related to each other, and inviting listeners to rethink their notions and paradigms.”

Khazzoom said she likes to play with this crisscross of identities. For example, people may react one way if she tells them she is Iraqi, and another way if she tells them she is Jewish.

“People generally like shortcuts or scripts in determining what to think about someone, instead of doing the work of getting to know someone, with all the complexity and nuance involved…. I am the same person, yet an entirely different set of assumptions are projected on to me. Standing at the intersection of identities and experiences, I can poke fun at the absurdity of it all,” she said.

Khazzoom refers to her music as “conscious rock,” a way of exploring all our emotions, especially those that allow us to be loud in a healthy way.

“As a collective, we fear intense emotions like rage and grief, and we suppress those feelings in ourselves and others, leading to astronomical levels of addiction and a host of other social and personal ills,” she said. “I believe that all of our emotions are a gift, a GPS system of sorts, pointing us in the direction of that which is true and good, and I find it tremendously liberating, healing and transformative, to express the spectrum of emotions in healthy and constructive ways.”

Khazzoom’s songs are written in English, Judeo-Arabic and Hebrew, and blend Iraqi Jewish prayers, alternative rock and personal storytelling about subjects ranging from cancer, racism and mental illness to national exile.

For more information, visit iraqisinpajamas.com. To participate in the evolution of Loolwa’s work, from poem to spoken word performance to song, go to patreon.com/khazzoom?fan_landing=true.

Sam Margolis has written for the Globe and Mail, the National Post, UPI and MSNBC.

Community milestones … Okanagan, Belzberg, Klein & the JI

On the dock where they officiated the conversion ceremony are, left to right, Rabbi Alan Bright (Montreal), Rabbi Tom Samuels (Kelowna), Rabbi Jeremy Parnes (Regina) and Cantor Russell Jayne (Calgary). (photo from Steven Finkleman)

The Okanagan Jewish community in Kelowna recently completed a formal conversion ceremony.

Ten months of formal study, with weekly Tuesday evening Zooms, culminated in a long weekend of events July 14-17. There was a bet din (rabbinical court) and mikvah (ritual bath) in Lake Okanagan and the Shabbaton weekend included Friday night and Saturday morning services. Each of the students participated in the Torah service on Shabbat.

photo - The rabbis supervise the mikvah ceremony on Lake Okanagan — The rabbis supervise the mikvah ceremony on Lake Okanagan *(photo from Steven Finkelman)*

The dedication of these students who have chosen Judaism as their faith was remarkable, as was the dedication of the clergy during the teaching process.

Twelve people participated in the course, run as a Conservative conversion under the directorship of Rabbi Alan Bright of Shaare Zedek Synagogue in Montreal; Rabbi Jeremy Parnes of Beth Jacob Synagogue in Regina and Cantor Russell Jayne of Beth Tzedek Congregation in Calgary joined in the teaching. The OJC was so lucky to have all three clergy in Kelowna for the conversion ceremony, as well as Elizabeth Bright, who officiated at the women’s mikvah, along with the OJC’s Rabbi Tom Samuels. The occasion was the first time ever that four clergy were present in the OJC sanctuary at the same time.

Thank you to all the students and teachers who were involved in this event. Further information can be found at ojcc.ca.

* * *

photo - Fran Belzberg (photo from jewishvancouver.com) — Fran Belzberg *(photo from jewishvancouver.com)*

Sixteen people will be appointed to the Order of British Columbia, the province’s highest form of recognition, Lt. Gov. Janet Austin, chancellor of the order, recently announced. Among them is Jewish community member Fran Belzberg.

Since arriving in British Columbia more than 40 years ago, Belzberg has championed numerous causes, from health care and medical research to education and nurturing the next generation of Canadian leaders. After her husband of 68 years, Samuel, z”l, died in 2018, Belzberg continued their family’s lifelong legacy of community leadership. Now in her mid-90s, her commitment remains unwavering.

In 1976, Belzberg co-founded the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation (DMRF), with the mission to advance research, promote awareness and support the well-being of those affected by the disease. Forty-five years later, she is still actively involved in the foundation.

In the early 1990s, Belzberg was instrumental in the establishment of the Think Aids Society to advance research and funding, and raise awareness for HIV/AIDS. In 1995, she was awarded the Order of Canada in recognition of her numerous achievements. In 2003, the Government of Canada partnered with the Belzberg family to create Action Canada, a joint initiative to inspire and support young Canadians and future public policy influencers.

As a champion of education, Belzberg and family have made transformational impacts to the University of British Columbia and Simon Fraser University. In 2016, Frances and Samuel Belzberg were honoured by SFU with the President’s Distinguished Community Leadership Award “for their many years of philanthropy and commitment to education, leadership and equality.”

* * *

Bonnie Sherr Klein’s children’s book, Beep Beep Bubbie, illustrated by Élisabeth Eudes-Pascal and published by Tradewind Books, has been selected to be a PJ Library choice in 2022. PJ Library is a philanthropy that sends free, award-winning books that celebrate Jewish values and culture to families with children from birth through 12 years old. Now, many of these families will meet a grandma who introduces her grandchildren to the adventures they can share in a scooter, including an intergenerational march for the climate. (See jewishindependent.ca/shabbat-with-bubbie.)

* * *

The American Jewish Press Association’s annual conference took place virtually in June. Its 40th Annual Simon Rockower Awards, recognizing excellence in Jewish journalism, took place virtually as well, on June 24. The Jewish Independent took away three honours this year, for work done in 2020.

In its division – weekly and biweekly newspapers – the JI once again won first place for its coverage of Zionism, aliyah and Israel. The three-part series by Kevin Keystone – “Hike challenges one’s views” (Sept. 11), “Seeking to understand views” (Sept. 25) and “Contemplating walls” (Oct. 9) – recounts some of Keystone’s experiences on Masar Ibrahim Al-Khalil, the Path of Abraham the Friend, in the West Bank, which he visited in 2019.

In most categories, awards were given out in each of three divisions: weekly and biweekly newspapers; monthly newspapers and magazines; and web-based outlets. However, for excellence in editorial writing, all entries (which comprise three articles each) competed as one large group, and the JI editorial board – Basya Laye, Pat Johnson and Cynthia Ramsay – came in second. The JI won for the set of editorials “Blessings in bad times” (Aug. 28), “Racism is a Jewish issue” (June 12) and “When is never again?” (Jan. 31). The first is about the communications technologies that have made COVID restrictions less isolating; the second asks our community to consider our complacency and complicity in upholding racist systems; and the third reflects on the fragility of democracy and civil order.

Another award that was considered as one large division was that of general excellence – best newspaper. In this category, the JI received an honourable mention (or third place). The judges commented about the paper: “Diverse content, from news to cultural writing, including unique reporting on Jewish media in Canada. Fun and easy to read.”

All of these articles and other award-winning content can be found at jewishindependent.ca. Thank you to all of our readers and advertisers for your support – we are proud to share these honours with you.

Caring for cemetery

In the Jewish Cemetery at Mountain View, a shroud was erected to protect the Kravitz family headstones. (photo from Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board)

Responsible for three Jewish cemeteries in the Lower Mainland, the Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board recently completed several projects.

Unable to restore two of the most interesting headstones at the Jewish Cemetery at Mountain View, a large metal shroud was erected for protection over the Kravitz family headstones. Designed by Bill Pechet and donated by the City of Vancouver and Saul Goldberg, a cousin of the family, this has added a unique decorative feature in the cemetery, as well as essential protection from the elements.

photo - A translation of the Kravitz family headstones has been added — A translation of the Kravitz family headstones has been added. *(photo from STCB)*

The Kravitz/Goldberg family has been traced back to the 1800s and has four members buried in this pioneer cemetery. Leah Deslauriers, Saul Goldberg’s daughter, provided a family history that completed missing pieces of information about the family. Translation of the poetry on the headstones was completed by Daniella Givon and mounted in weatherproof panels inside the shroud.

With the protection in place for these headstones, this site already has become a highlight for visitors on their walking tours.

Inside the new Schara Tzedeck Funeral Chapel in Surrey is a beautiful Memorial Giving Tree. Designed and created by Eclipse Awards, this tree made of maple, cherry and walnut woods is prominently displayed at the entrance to the new chapel. It will contain engravings that members of the community may purchase to memorialize their loved ones buried in Surrey. The tree can contain up to 100 elements to be inscribed, ranging from small leaves to birds.

photo - Memorial Giving Tree at Schara Tzedeck Funeral Chapel in Surrey — Memorial Giving Tree at Schara Tzedeck Funeral Chapel in Surrey. *(photo from STCB)*

Years ago, the elders of the community were asked to place headstones on unmarked graves. Today, the Chesed Shel Emet Fund, fulfils that mandate. This past year, more than 50 headstones were placed on gravesites where there were no headstones. In some cases, there were no families to do so and, in many cases, there was a financial inability to have a marker.

The Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board, under the executive director Howard Jampolsky, board chairs Jack Kowarsky and Arnold Silber, and funeral director Joseph Marciano, works to ensure that all members of the community not only have a dignified burial, no matter what their financial situation is, but also works to initiate projects that serve the community and help maintain the beauty of its cemeteries.

This past year, other projects have included a new irrigation system, the establishment of a water/well in New Westminster and the ability to manufacture burial caskets on-site. The cemetery board and the Chevra Kadisha also produced an informative video on tahara (the process of preparing people for burial), which may be seen on the website cemeteryboard.com.

For more information on these and other projects, contact Jampolsky at 604-733-2277, ext. 204.

– Courtesy Schara Tzedeck Cemetery Board

Teaching Israeli teens

Want to make a difference in the lives of Israeli teens? Consider joining Israel Connect, a program where local adult volunteers connect online, one-on-one, via Zoom, with Israeli high school students who want to improve their English conversation and reading skills. This year’s program starts on Oct. 10 and is organized by Chabad Richmond, in partnership with the Israeli Ministry of Education. It entails a commitment of 45 minutes once a week.

There are currently 21 local volunteer tutors/mentors participating in Israel Connect, but more are needed. “We’re looking for volunteers who are retirees, seniors, or any adults with flexible schedules…. No previous tutoring experience is necessary and the curriculum is provided for tutors/mentors,” said Shelley Civkin, local coordinator of the program.“If you’re an adult who’s a fluent English-speaker, has basic computer skills and owns a computer with a camera, that’s pretty much all you need,” she said. “And, of course, a strong desire to help Israeli youth.”

Volunteers do not need to speak Hebrew and can tutor from home. Basic training and technical support are available if needed. Time preferences of volunteer tutors/mentors will be coordinated beforehand and sessions take place in the morning between 7 and 11 a.m. PST any day between Sunday and Thursday. “All Israel Connect asks is a minimum commitment of one school year, in order to ensure consistency for the students,” said Civkin.

“It’s a very meaningful, practical way for community members to support Israel and build bridges between Diaspora Jews and Israelis,” said Rabbi Yechiel Baitelman of Chabad Richmond. “You’ll be doing a mitzvah, while investing in Israel and its young people. Plus, good English skills will give them an advantage in accessing post-secondary education and getting better jobs. English proficiency is crucial to Israeli students, since it accounts for a third of their entrance exam marks for university.”

“Partnering with the Israeli Ministry of Education, the Israel Connect program targets teens from less advantaged neighbourhoods in Israel,” added Civkin. “Most volunteers really enjoy helping their Israeli students and develop a lasting bond with them…. This kind of one-on-one tutoring makes a huge difference in their lives, both educationally and personally. It gives them a feeling of confidence, that they can converse in English. Estimating the impact of this program on Israeli youth is, of course, speculative, but we do know for certain that it helps improves their school grades.”

The curriculum consists mainly of a tour of Israel, focusing on the wealth of historically, culturally and biblically significant cities and sites. It’s not uncommon for both the students and the tutors to learn something new about Israel at each lesson. Civkin said several tutors have visited their students on trips to Israel and keep in touch way past the end of the school year.

For more information on tutoring, contact Civkin at 604-789-5806 or [email protected]. Anyone who would like to support the program financially, helping cover costs for aspects such as technical support and staffing, can call Chabad Richmond at 604-277-6427 or email [email protected].

– Courtesy Chabad Richmond

Building connection to Israel

Grade 2 and 3 students of the B.C. Regional Hebrew School in Coquitlam with teacher Shifra Rabiski. (photo from Lubavitch BC)

In time for the upcoming school year, Lubavitch BC, in partnership with the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver, is launching a new curriculum for B.C. Regional Hebrew Schools. There is a need to engage Jewish children with a connection and pride for Israel and its central role in the Jewish past, present and future, and B.C. Regional Hebrew Schools has developed a program that does exactly this. Israel Quest is an immersive curriculum that enables children to form attachments to the Holy Land on practical, emotional and spiritual levels.

Using educational tools such as virtual reality, topography, theatre, filmmaking, STEAM activities and more, students relive the journey of the Jewish people in the land of Israel, from the time Jews entered the land, led by prophets and kings, until the untimely destruction of the Holy Temples. They discover the secret to the Jewish people’s eternal survival as a nation with tools established to keep Judaism thriving in the Diaspora.

Of the new program, Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld, director of the Hebrew schools, said, “Education is at the core of everything. What we teach children in their formative years creates an indelible impact and foundation for their entire adult lives. And not only are the students themselves transformed, but the positive impact of their learning extends to their families, friends, classmates, communities and beyond.”

B.C. Regional Hebrew Schools is an affiliate of the Chabad Children’s Network (CKids), which has chapters in 26 countries and engages 25,000 children each year. Currently operating in three locations throughout British Columbia, it is gearing up for another year of Hebrew and Judaic learning, starting Sept. 1. Online registration is available at lubavitchbc.com/hebrewschool. More information can be found by calling 778-878-2025.

– Courtesy Lubavitch BC

Comedy tour now on

Left to right, comedians Andrew Packer, Jacob Balshin and Che Durena are currently on the JNT Comedy Tour, which takes them to small towns around Alberta and British Columbia until Sept. 6. (photo from David Cyr Photography / JNT Comedy Tour)

The JNT Comedy Tour, known for presenting the “highest” level of comedy in Canada from coast to coast, returned for their fourth edition Aug. 18. Featuring stand-up comedians Andrew Packer, Che Durena and Jacob Balshin, the tour comprises live shows in 19 communities across Alberta and British Columbia, and runs until Sept. 6.

Packer is an international headlining comedian and creator of JNT Comedy; his credits include performances at JFL42 (Just for Laughs), JFL Northwest and Edinburgh International Fringe Festival. Durena came runner up in SiriusXM’s Next Top Comic and he has headlined shows at JFL42 and appeared on JFL All Access on Comedy Central. Balshin, who is a member of the Jewish community, was named Toronto’s Best Upcoming Comedian at the I Heart Jokes Awards in 2018, and was nominated for Breakout Comic of the Year in 2020; his comedy has been featured on SiriusXM and CBC’s LOL.

The trio brings the tour into British Columbia Sept. 1, to Kimberley, with actor Sarah Stupar joining them. They then head to Creston Sept. 2 and Crawford Bay Sept. 3, before returning to Alberta for the tour’s last show.

If you happen to be traveling the province early next month, check out linktr.ee/jntcomedy for tickets and show times.

– Courtesy JNT Comedy Tour

Choose kindness in 5782

A friend of mine is an essential grocery store worker. Her colleagues are a mix of international newcomers, along with a sampling of Canadian-born workers. This Canadian friend’s favourite colleagues are often the immigrants from elsewhere, who are trying hard to be kind and helpful to one another. The most difficult ones, often those born in Canada, she describes as the “mean girls.” It’s the kind of exclusionary, popular crowd many of us faced in middle or high school … not a fun work environment.

I tried to be comforting about the upcoming shift with the mean girls, but I have faced some of this myself. I’d pushed it to the back of my mind but now I wondered, was I also battling the sad adolescent feelings of being excluded or harassed by the in-crowd?

Like most of us during the pandemic, I’ve felt moments of isolation and loneliness and, as a parent, being overwhelmed. One warm morning, while walking the dog and twins (because, while I may feel lonely, as a mom these days, I’m rarely alone!), we saw that a neighbour had left out items to be picked up by a charity. On the walkway was a Singer treadle sewing machine. I just about swooned – as did my kids. They saw a summer sewing rehab project. We returned home and went out on the familiar route with our red wagon so the kids could play. We rang the doorbell to ask about the sewing machine, but got no answer. We wondered if the neighbours were home, so we walked around to the back lane. We faced only a big garage.

Next to this house was another friendly, older neighbour’s home with an apple tree. We often pick up the fallen apples, and pick the tree, making apple chips and sauce. We give the neighbour homemade applesauce and donate the rest to the foodbank. We paused, examining the tree (few apples this year due to frost and drought) and discussing it.

Suddenly, an expensive car came out of the garage behind us. We asked about the sewing machine. The woman told us disdainfully that she was already late for an appointment. She told me it would cost me $200 cash (but she was giving it away to charity?) when I offered the $60 in my pocket. She drove off in a pique. I felt shame – but my kids, while disappointed, raced up the sidewalk with the wagon. We played instead, while I hatched a plan.

In the meantime, I saw a social media announcement. Invitations had been sent to a new private Jewish women’s professional networking group to which I’d applied. “Hurray!” The announcement touted, “You were all accepted, check your email!” Except, when I checked – and re-checked – my email, I hadn’t gotten any acceptance email. Maybe there was a snafu? Nope. I wasn’t invited. Another thing where I wasn’t actually eligible for the cool club.

What’s the Jewish lesson in all this?

On one hand, we’re all part of a big family, starting with Avraham Avinu, or Abraham, our father, as my kids learn in school. We’re meant to look out for one another, supporting, networking and treating one another with love.

On the other hand, there’s this situation I just read in Tractate Sukkah, on page 38a, where the rabbis question what it means if a Jewish man cannot read and a Canaanite slave, a woman, or a minor was reciting Hallel (prayers of thanksgiving done on festivals) on his behalf. The man must repeat every word to make it valid. Then the Mishnah says, “And may a curse come to him” (for being so ignorant) and the Gemara clarifies, explaining that a son can recite for his father, a slave can recite for his master and a woman may recite a blessing on behalf of her husband, but “the sages said: ‘May a curse come to a man who, due to his ignorance, requires his wife and children to recite a blessing on his behalf.’”

Here we are again! There’s a message of belonging and obligation, as well as an opportunity to shame, curse or embarrass someone who might have less knowledge or power. Is this the Jewish way to behave?

I returned again to this because, well, I’m still wandering the neighbourhood with my kids. It’s still lonely, but, today, we had a triumph.

I remembered which charity picked up the Singer sewing machine. Winnipeg isn’t such a big place. I sent them an email, describing where and when it was picked up. Lo and behold, they tracked down the neighbour’s discarded sewing machine, which they tested. It worked perfectly. We went to the downtown nonprofit’s shop. It took me several tries to find the person I’d been emailing, but, when I did, she rolled out the truly fine antique sewing machine in its wooden cabinet. She showed it off to me.

I happily paid $150 to support the charity’s work to claim it. The loading dock workers joked to my husband. They found these all the time! If I wanted more, they’d love to help!

This journey took the sewing machine back home, just a block away from where it used to live. But I can’t rewind time to fix that uncomfortable interaction with the neighbour. I can’t erase the mean girl experiences in my friend’s work life or magically get accepted into the “very best” Jewish networking circles. However, I can turn these experiences upside down.

The sewing machine incident offered an opportunity to use my research skills and donate to a good cause. My friend found solace, during her cashier shift, in the other employees, who acknowledged what was happening and cheered her on. She got a chance to hug a cancer-survivor friend during the shift. Last but not least, another butcher colleague alerted her that some steak was going on sale so she could afford to buy it to feed her teenagers.

It’s true that our rabbinic tradition acknowledges curses as commonplace and shaming as acceptable. Yet, when we make amends this year and pray for a good 5782, we can try to turn that message on its head. We’re all children of Abraham. Let’s, as my friend suggested, “lay on the love,” kindness and inclusivity, even when there are prime insider opportunities to ostracize others.

Make a donation, network with newcomers or outsiders, and choose to treat others as beloved family.

Wishing you blessings and not curses! Wishing you a happy, healthy and meaningful new year, from my house to yours.

Joanne Seiff has written regularly for CBC Manitoba and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. Check her out on Instagram @yrnspinner or at joanneseiff.blogspot.com.

Change the conversation

It’s high time we changed the conversation. I know unequivocally that the whole world is sick of every conversation starting with: “The case numbers today.…” Or “Two people died today of COVID.” Or “I can’t believe how many idiots wear their masks around their chin!” Or “I’m so tired of COVID!”

Boo-Hoo. Enough ready!

Full disclosure: I am 100% guilty of some or maybe even all of these statements. And tons more that I’m too embarrassed to admit. It’s been so long. Oops, there’s another one. In my defence, I’m trying to change the conversation. For instance, I’ve caught myself saying, “I’m feeling hopeful today” several times this week. I’ve even been inspired to say “Thank you” instead of “Why me?”

We are all human barometers. Our mercury rises and falls in direct relation to the medical experts’ latest pronouncements. We hold our collective breath each time they opine. We hang on every word. And because their world rotates around COVID, ours does, too. But does it need to? The answer is a hard no.

It’s long past due to think thanks. In the past 18 months I can honestly say I’m thankful for participating in Zoom classes every day; walking more; connecting with cousins I barely knew; and meeting new people on the virtual committees I attend.

Thank you G-d for my community, my Torah learning and for endless opportunities to make life better. Thank you for allowing me to survive the pandemic. On second thought, just make that, thank you G-d.

I acknowledge my gratitude. Also, my vulnerability and dependence on G-d. An avowed believer, I’m not embarrassed to admit this. Even among avowed atheists and agnostics.

What I want to say is this: it’s time to celebrate. Not go-out-and-get-drunk celebrate. But, rather, celebrate the small victories. There are zillions of them. Or so I’m told. I’m guilty of seeing the defeats first, but I truly am working on it. Acknowledging this, here, now, I’m humbled to realize that there are infinite lessons I need to learn.

At a women’s Torah study class I attended a few months ago (via Zoom, of course), the instructor posed some simple, yet profound, ideas. Juxtaposing anxiety and positive thinking, and how they relate to emunah (faith in G-d) and bitachon (trust in G-d), she suggested we look at struggles with a different mindset: “What’s the opportunity here?” If you are a Torah-believing Jew, you know that there’s a purpose in whatever G-d throws at us, as individuals and as a collective.

On a personal level, we just have to figure out what that purpose is. Sounds simple, right? Not. Even. A. Little. As the instructor suggested, if we turn our habitual thinking around, we might just be able to parse the purpose. In other words, whatever happens to me, it was G-d’s idea, so what do I do with it? How can I maximize my potential? What’s being asked of me? While the world and its vagaries seem random, they’re far from it.

Life will actually become easier if I stop fearing unknown and challenging situations, and accept that there is always a purpose there. Of course, that’s easy to do when things are going well, but the minute I feel threatened or scared, my anxiety and fear goes from zero to 100 in seconds.

Faced with terrible tragedy, it seems impossible to believe that G-d takes care of us all the time. If He did, why would people be faced with horrific situations that rob them of loved ones, threaten their health and jeopardize their livelihoods, etc.? At times like this, our emunah and bitachon face their biggest hurdles.

How many times have I heard the phrase tracht gut vet zein gut (think good and it will be good)? On the face of it, brilliant. In reality, next to impossible. Notice I didn’t say downright impossible. It’s impossible-adjacent. I try it on occasion, but have difficulty with the carry-through. I assume it’s more of a fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of thing that needs to be hauled out of the closet more than once a month. I must start wearing my rubber bracelet with the saying stamped on it.

There are always more questions than answers. What is this ____ (fill in the blank) meant to teach me? What does G-d want from me? How can I stretch myself spiritually, emotionally and intellectually? How can I turn this situation around to find something positive here?

In my 65 years, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that life is a series of journeys, rather than a destination. Or, to use an analogy my father, z’l, favoured: life is like swimming in the ocean. You swim and struggle and get tired. Then, you reach a little island where you can rest and gather your strength. But the water starts rising and you have to start swimming again. So, you begin the process all over.

I guess the message here is to enjoy the short stints on the little islands of calm. Appreciate them, embrace them, then prepare for more challenges. I guess the trick is to look for more islands and steer ourselves in that direction. How hard can it be?

Hmm…. I’ll let you know once I dry off.

I have few, if any, answers. However, it’s probably more important to ponder the questions than pontificate about things. Humility trumps arrogance, after all. Like the saying goes, the more we learn, the more we realize how little we know. We can remedy that somewhat with some good old inquisitiveness, a dash of openness, an attitude of show-me and, well, you might just find one of those islands. Or, at the very least, float for awhile, while you enjoy the sun on your face.

Just remember to always wear sunscreen.

Shelley Civkin is a happily retired librarian and communications officer. For 17 years, she wrote a weekly book review column for the Richmond Review. She’s currently a freelance writer and volunteer.

Instiling Jewish values

The 46th summer season of the Phyliss and Irving Snider Camp Gan Israel of British Columbia ended with tears, hugs and good resolutions. (photo from CGI)

Tears, hugs and good resolutions capped off a unique camp experience in Vancouver on an emotionally charged Friday, Aug. 13, as campers, staff and parents said farewell at the end of the 46th summer season of the Phyliss and Irving Snider Camp Gan Israel of British Columbia (CGI).

Despite two years of unprecedented challenges facing camps and schools due to COVID-19, co-director Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld said CGI continued to grow. And he anticipated registrations to keep climbing, as families experience firsthand the positive effects of a Jewish summer camp experience. In the words of parent Danica David, “In one week, Camp Gan Israel took my son from a frightened child determined to hide his Judaism at public school, to a proud Jew who wears a kippah and takes pride in his davening prowess!”

photo - When asked which activity was their favourite, campers had a hard time narrowing it down — When asked which activity was their favourite, campers had a hard time narrowing it down. *(photo from CGI)*

“Our staff are the real secret to our success,” said co-director Chaya Rosenfeld. “They approach this job as a personal mission: to bring the warmth and love of Judaism to every child through a fun and impactful camp experience. We see each child not just as a camper, but as a special member of the tribe. We love everyone equally because inside we are all the same, defined by our Jewish soul.”

For the six weeks of camp, every activity of every day was imbued with Jewish energy and content. In addition to daily learning that brought home the message of camp, there were crafts, carnivals, shows, games and songs, all with Jewish themes that reinforced the concept of unconditional love (Ahavat Yisrael) and Jewish values. Campers were encouraged to search within themselves to find the sparks of holiness that lie within each person and object, thereby bringing more light and goodness into the world.

When asked which activity was their favourite, campers had a hard time narrowing it down. “I loved everything!” said Rose C., a 9-year-old camper who commuted from Langley every day. “But the water activities and hot lunch were my favourites!”

Other campers pointed to the art classes (which were led by professional artists) as their highlight of the summer, while still others were enthusiastic about the weekly shows that were performed over the summer, including The Magic of Yeeri, Cinemazoo Petting Zoo, Juggling with Matt and In the Company of Fairies.

photo - Camp Gan Israel kids — Camp Gan Israel kids *(photo from CGI)*

“The carnivals were the best!” said Sarah F. “I loved the face-painting, bouncy castles and races.”

A definite highlight was the trip to Playland, where campers from the youngest 3-year-olds to the oldest teen campers got to spend a day on the rides.

To end off the summer, CGI’s Rabbi Rosenfeld introduced the CGI Mitzvah Campaign. Campers chose one mitzvah that they learned at camp that they would focus on throughout the year. Submitting 10 reports to the camp office on how they’re doing in practising the mitzvah nets them a prize, carrying the camp experience of fun and Jewish values into their home and throughout the year.

“The best part of camp for me was my surroundings,” said counselor-in-training Eliana R., age 10. “I was surrounded by warmth, happiness and laughter between everyone. That’s what elevated it from just a normal, basic camp to an extraordinary experience. I can’t wait to go next year!”

For more photos of CGI, visit @vancouvercgi on Instagram. Email [email protected] for more information.

– Courtesy Camp Gan Israel