Left to right, are Sally Berry, Debby Altow, Judy Stern, Linda Arato and Shirley Hyman. (photo by Sharon Stern)
Judy Stern was honoured at a luncheon July 31 for her long service to National Council of Jewish Women of Canada, Vancouver section.
Stern was the office manager for NCJWC for more than 12 years. During that time, she fielded phone calls about the organization’s programs, organized callers for its annual fundraiser Friends and Angels, sent out thousands of tribute cards, edited the newsletter, connected with various communal agencies, shepherded the Books for Kids materials, communicated with NCJWC members old and new, and supported the longstanding program Operation Dressup. She was a valuable and cherished colleague and we wish her well.
The lunch at Shaughnessy Restaurant was attended by several past presidents of Vancouver section and other volunteers, including Debby Altow, Linda Arato, Sally Berry, Annette Chernin, Shirley Hyman, Anne Melul, Linda Shulman, Shelagh Stoller and current president Catherine Stoller.
Dr. Ross Feldman is leading various teams as the principal investigator for women’s health at the Institute of Cardiovascular Sciences at the city’s St. Boniface Hospital. (photo from Dr. Ross Feldman)
Many of us are under the impression that heart disease mainly affects men. But researchers have been trying for the last few decades to change this skewed view. One such researcher, Dr. Ross Feldman, recently found his way to Winnipeg. Feldman is leading various teams as the principal investigator for women’s health at the Institute of Cardiovascular Sciences at the city’s St. Boniface Hospital.
According to Feldman, “Most of what we know in terms of risk and benefit and treatment of those factors that contribute to heart disease initially came from studies of younger people with more advanced risk factors – be it cholesterol, high blood pressure, [etc.] – and what the benefit was from the treatment of those problems, in terms of reducing risk of heart attacks or strokes. Women tended not to be included in those studies, because premenopausal heart disease risk is so much lower. So, in the earlier days, we developed guidelines that were mostly based on findings in younger men. It really wasn’t appreciated that women had accelerating risk after menopause.”
This new understanding about the connection between post-menopause and heightened risk of heart disease has only come to light in the past 10 to 15 years. The Heart and Stroke Foundation is only now, within the last year, opting to make the topic a priority.
“I think it’s taken even longer for it to register on the psyche of healthcare professionals … that women are at an increased risk post-menopause,” Feldman told the Independent. “They’re also much less likely to be diagnosed appropriately, less likely to get appropriate treatment, and they are more likely to have complications with trying to fix blood vessel problems. They’re less likely to be sent out following a cardiac event on all the right medications. And then, ultimately, a little more likely to die of heart disease.”
Feldman believes this lag time – for women to get the correct diagnostics and treatments – will not change anytime soon, unfortunately, as the training provided in medical schools is still based on past knowledge about women and heart disease. Medical students are still being taught that women are more likely to present with atypical chest pain, with no further explanation, said Feldman.
“If women are most likely to present that way, why are you calling it atypical chest pain?” he asked. “It gives you an idea of how male-centric our whole approach to heart disease has been. What we get out of it is, you often see a dichotomy, that sometimes you’ll see premenopausal women at risk of being over-treated.
“A woman, premenopause with hypertension, probably doesn’t need blood pressure-lowering therapy unless their blood pressure is greater than 160 over 100. Whereas, a post-menopausal woman with multiple smaller elevations in individual risk factors – a little bit higher blood pressure, a little bit higher cholesterol – will often get overlooked…. Yet, she is at a much greater risk than will be projected, based on consideration of any individual risk factor.
“There needs to be a sex-specific approach to management of the risk factors of heart disease and the presentation for heart disease,” he said. “The guidelines for that approach are still in flux.”
As medical practitioners are lagging behind the latest findings about women and heart disease, Feldman said that premenopausal women don’t need to be as concerned about risk factors that may be a little out of whack, such as LDL cholesterol or blood pressure. However, he said, post-menopausal women need to be advocates for more aggressive treatment for even seemingly marginal elevations in risk factors.
“The problem is that primary care professionals, a lot of them, will tend to underestimate the risks,” said Feldman. “There are reasonable calculators that will tell people, if you add up several small risks for a post-menopausal woman, that translates into an overall risk level that mandates more aggressive therapy. Generally, blood pressure and cholesterol are the most important factors to look at, but it’s the whole aggregate risk based on the calculation that tells you how aggressively you need to treat, regardless of the extent of the elevation.”
While researchers like Feldman are working on sex-specific therapies, women can help themselves by reducing their degree of risk via exercise, maintaining a healthy weight and a healthy diet, keeping hydrated and finding ways to keep stress and anxiety levels down.
“As women age, as with men, excessive salt intake increases blood pressure and often that excessive salt doesn’t primarily come from the salt shaker, but from processed foods,” said Feldman. “When shopping, shop the rim of grocery stores. Stay away from the aisles. Maybe shop in the frozen food sections, but probably not.
“To date, there is no real sex-specific preventative approach. That is, exercise, as far as I know, is as effective in blood pressure reduction and weight reduction for men as it is for women … maybe a little more effective in women, but likely marginal differences. I think it’s important for women to know that weight gain and a more sedentary lifestyle are bigger risks for them than for men. Men tolerate being couch potatoes a little better than women do.
“The slope of the line for weight gain in men is pretty linear,” he said. “In women, there’s an increase in slope of weight gain after menopause. Women’s systems are less tolerant of the kinds of changes that occur with age than men’s.
“We know there are ethnic differences in risk tolerance,” he added. “We know that Asians are less tolerant to weight gain than Caucasians. That is a genetic difference. We hadn’t appreciated that sex differences work the same way, although we should have, as, ultimately, a sex difference is a genetic difference.”
הונג קונג (סין) היא העיר היקרה ביותר בעולם. (צילום: Estial)
מי אמר שקנדה יקרה: רק 5 ערים קנדיות ברשימת 209 הערים היקרות בעולם
חברת הייעוץ מרסר מפרסמת את הדוח השנתי ליוקר המחייה בעולם. המדד של מרסר המתפרסם זו השנה ה-24 ברציפות כולל 209 ערים, והוא מתבסס על בדיקת עלויות של למעלה מ-200 מוצרים שונים (כולל הוצאות לדיור, הוצאות על מזון, הוצאות על תחבורה, הוצאות על מוצרי צריכה לבית, הוצאות על ביגוד והוצאות על בידור).
קנדה שיש טוענים שהיא מדינה יקרה מיוצגת רק על ידי 5 ערים ברשימת 209 הערים היקרות בעולם. טורונטו במקום ה-109, ונקובר גם כן במקום ה-109, מונטריאול במקום ה-147, קלגרי במקום ה-154 ואוטווה במקום ה-160.
הונג קונג (סין) היא העיר היקרה ביותר בעולם. אחריה בעשירייה הראשונה: טוקיו (יפן), ציריך (שוויצריה), סינגפור (סינגפור), סאול (דרום קוריאה), לואנדה (אנגולה), שנחאי (סין), נג’מנה (צ’אד), בייג’ין (סין) וברן (שוויצריה).
העשירייה השנייה: ג’נבה (שוויצריה), שנז’ן (סין), ניו יורק (ארה”ב), קופנהגן (דנמרק), גונגג’ואו (סין), תל אביב (ישראל), מוסקבה (רוסיה), ליברוויל (גבון), ברזוויל (הרפובליקה של קונגו) ולונדון (בריטניה).
דיון בוועדת העלייה והקליטה של הכנסת להוקרת תרומת יהודי קנדה
ועדת העלייה, הקליטה והתפוצות של הכנסת קיימה דיון מיוחד להוקרת יהודי קנדה, ביום שלישי שעבר (ה-26 בחודש).
בקנדה חיים כיום למעלה מ-400 אלף יהודים ומדובר בקהילה השלישית או הרביעית בגודלה בעולם, מחוץ לישראל. מרבית היהודים בקנדה חיים בריכוזי הערים הגדולות: טורונטו ומנטריאול.
שגרירת קנדה בישראל, דבורה ליונס, שהשתתפה בדיון המיוחד של ועדת העלייה והקליטה, אמרה בין היתר כי היהודים החלו להגיע לקנדה כבר בשנת 1760. הפרלמנט הקנדי החליט כי חודש מאי יהיה חודש מורשת יהודי קנדה, מדי שנה. ליונס הדגישה כי קנדה תמשיך להילחם עד חורמה באנטישמיות ובתנועת החרם נגד ישראל והיהודים. ובמקביל קנדה תמשיך להנציח את זכר השואה תוך אמירת השבועה “לעולם לא עוד”. היהודים בקנדה ימשיכו להיות בטוחים ומוגנים כמו שאר האזרחים בקנדה.
ליונס עושה רבות לקירוב היחסים בין ישראלים לפלסטינים. במרץ אשתקד היא אירחה במעונה הרשמי כמאה נשים מתנועת “נשים עושות שלום”, המבקשת לקדם את הפיתרון הסכסוך בין שני העמים. האירוע לרגל יום האישה הבינלאומי, כלל את השתתפותן של 11 שגרירות שמהכנות בישראל (בהן מסלובניה, פינלנד ואירלנד). וכן שלוש סגניות שגרירים. ליונס אמרה באירוע: “התכנסו הערב, נשים מכל העולם, כדי לתת הכרה לתפקיד הקריטי שנשים ישראליות ופלסטיניות ממלאות בחברה כאן על כל רבדיה. אין מטרה נעלה יותר מאשר שלום במדינה. במיוחד היום כשאנו נושאות את מבטינו מסביב, אנו רואות מספר עולה וגובר של קונפליקטים, אשר גובים מחיר אנושי במיוחד מנשים וילדים. לכן מצאנו לנכון שהיום – יום האישה הבינלאומי, נישא על נס את התפקיד החשוב שממלאות חברות בארגון נשים, שעושות שלום ובקידום השלום. הטרמינולוגיה בה משתמשות הנשים הייתה ביטחון כולל על רבדיו השונים. ביטחון הוא לא רק צבא, אלה הוא גם ביטחון כללי, חברתי ואישי. אך מעבר להרחבת המושג, מדובר בשיתוף נשים בהליכים המובילים להסכמי שלום. כאשר נשים מעורבות במשא ומתן ההסכמים שנחתמים מכילים יותר ומחזיקים מעמד לטווח ארוך יותר. למרות זאת, כיום רק 9% מהנושאים ונותנים הינן נשים. ורק 4% מהחתומים על הסכמים הן נשים. משמעות הדבר היא בפועל כאשר מדובר בהחלטות קריטיות על ביטחון, ממשל, חוקים ותקציבים, כחצי מהאוכלוסיה נשארת מחוץ למעמד החשוב של קבלת החלטות. אנו תומכות במעורבות גוברת של נשים בחברה, דבר היביא לשיפור מצבה”.
Donna Karan’s Urban Zen includes pieces to be worn year-round. But the project is grander than a fashion line – it is a broader approach to life that she hopes will speak to many people. (photo from fashionmodeldirectory.com)
With the sun finally out for days running, spring has truly sprung. We can now satisfy the urge to take out our colours from the back of our closets. That bright pink silk blouse in its garment bag is once more seeing the light. Whatever the current look may be, nothing compares to feeling at home in our classics; those pieces that are, at least to us, forever “in.”
In 1985, Donna Karan introduced to the world of fashion the “Essential Line.” In her first private collection, there were seven simple pieces that continue to be timeless. These include the oversize sweater, a bodysuit, jersey dresses, Lycra tights (no longer just for exercise class), a white shirt, loose trousers and a tailored jacket. Over the years, she would incorporate new pieces, in her go-to favourite colour, black.
Karan, born Donna Ivy Faske, in 1948 in New York, was raised by a fashion-model mother and suit-designer stepfather – she was practically destined to have a lifelong career in fashion. The many awards she has received are but one proof of her talent for it.
At the age of 14, Karan quit school and embarked into that world, working in a boutique. At 20, she was accepted into the renowned Parsons School of Design. After graduating, she became, at 26 years old, head designer of the Anne Klein fashion house.
In 1984, Karan divorced her first husband, Mark Karan, and married Stephen Weiss. With full force, she began her own label. The line was geared to “design modern clothes for modern people.” She wanted to create clothing that she herself would wear and in which she would feel comfortable.
After dressing the likes of her best friend, Barbra Streisand, many A-list Hollywood stars and high-powered women in politics, Karan launched a new brand in 1988, DKNY, a line of less-expensive clothing. Seventeen years later, her business expanded into a men’s fashion line, fragrances, bedding. She also wrote a memoir, The Journey of a Woman: 20 Years of Donna Karan, among other accomplishments.
Karan’s Urban Zen came to fruition in 2001. While watching her beloved husband lose his battle to lung cancer and experiencing the sale of her empire to the multinational LVMH (where she stayed on as head designer until 2015), Karan learned that everyone must “find their calm in the chaos around the world.”
Urban Zen includes pieces to be worn year-round. But the project is grander than a fashion line – it is a broader approach to life that she hopes speaks to many people.
Karan believes it is fundamental to blend Eastern healing together with Western science. While watching her husband undergo chemotherapy, Karan found mediation, yoga, acupuncture and other holistic remedies essential for healing, and for acquiring some sense of inner peace. She built a harmonious sanctuary in the hospital where her husband was being treated, Beth Israel Medical Centre in New York. The sanctuary is a place for patients, loved ones and staff to go to recover from broken spirits and find solace. Its philosophy and practices have helped ease suffering to such a degree that, now, many hospitals and hospices have adopted its methods. The concepts are taught to doctors and nurses through Karan’s foundation, UZIT, Urban Zen Integrative Therapy Program.
On a personal level, this fashionista-writer, who has always loved and appreciated the fun of fashion, also experienced an “aha” moment while researching this article. Being a cancer survivor and having overcome some unwanted surprises life has thrown my way, this spring, I am determined to embrace perfecting my downward dog as much as finding my new bag – devoting time to practising gratitude and investing in my most important asset, me. My tranquility and health are more important than any blouse.
Ariella Steinis a mother, wife and fashion maven. A Vancouverite, she has lived in both Turkey and Israel for the past 25 years.
The label for an Iota rug and pouf hand-knit by Kefaya, a Bedouin woman. (photo from Iota)
Some of the best projects are born out of a desire for change – at least that was the case with Iota, an Israel-based textile company empowering unemployed women through the art of crochet.
Each one of the company’s rugs, pillows and home accessories is hand-crocheted by Bedouin women from their own homes, providing them with meaningful work and an independent source of income.
Bedouins are an Arab Israeli subgroup, located mainly in the south, with their own distinct culture and social norms. Historically, Bedouins lived a nomadic lifestyle, and many still herd livestock. Women traditionally tend to the house and children, resulting in high unemployment and poverty rates. A 2015 survey showed the employment rate among Bedouin women as 22%, compared to 32% for all Arab women.
Founded by Shula Mozes, an active social entrepreneur for more than 16 years, Iota aims to support the many women, all over the world, who are unable to work outside of the home due to cultural, religious and geographical reasons.
When she started the company in 2014, Mozes chose crochet, a self-taught hobby, as a means to create a business that could empower these women and fuel social change. With the help of creative director Tal Zur, she later discovered that not only is crochet a very versatile technique, but it has its own universal language that can be written and learned, like music notes.
“I realized that if I can learn to make things by crocheting small elements and putting them together, maybe we can teach women who don’t have work how to do the same,” Mozes said.
Iota now runs a small studio in Tel Aviv, where an all-female team of textile experts dreams up intricate designs. At least once a week, a member of the Iota team travels to Hura, a Bedouin village in southern Israel, to deliver raw materials to the women the company employs. Once complete, the finished products are transported back to Tel Aviv, each piece bearing a label signed by the woman who made it.
Currently, Iota employs three women in Hura, an intentionally small number, Mozes said, in order to maintain a strong commitment to each worker. “We have to respect their culture and empower the women slowly, so that they can work according to what they’re comfortable with,” she said.
Though centred on a 200-year-old technique, Iota’s designs are modern. The yarns used to create each piece are bespoke, developed in-house and produced in a local Tel Aviv factory. Mozes said that, by applying computerized designs, they’re able to create yarns that contain several different colours in the same thread, allowing the carpets to be made with one continuous string of yarn.
While Iota is currently only active in Israel, Mozes said she hopes to collaborate with other communities worldwide, which are experiencing high rates of female unemployment.
In January, Iota exhibited its collection for the third time at Maison & Objet, an international trade fair in Paris known for showcasing innovative design talents. The collection, ranging in price from 200 to 2,000 euros (from $315 to $3,150 Cdn), consists of colourful single-yarn rugs, oversized floor cushions, stools, one-of-a-kind swings and home accessories.
“I hope that, in the future, we will be able to take one of the women with us to an exhibition so she can experience the success of Iota firsthand,” Mozes said. “Without them, none of this would have happened.”
Israel21c is a nonprofit educational foundation with a mission to focus media and public attention on the 21st-century Israel that exists beyond the conflict. For more, or to donate, visit israel21c.org.
This time of year, we read Torah portions in the Book of Leviticus. It’s full of information about how to do sacrifices at the Temple in Jerusalem. It’s a good reminder – things have changed in the Jewish world, haven’t they? Perhaps we don’t need details for how to do a sin offering, an offering of well-being or for first fruits? Then again, maybe we do.
Huh? No, I don’t mean we need to learn to kill animals to sacrifice them. However, the rituals described in Leviticus have become guidelines for other things we do. For instance, it’s common to make a donation to a synagogue in honour of someone, or to express gratitude for a return to good health, a success at work or a family celebration. There are modern interpretations for some of these rituals, including the need to do something to repair things when feeling guilt or after committing a sin.
Parts of Leviticus offer us good metaphors … reminders that we can apply to other things in Jewish life.
I receive an email newsletter from the Jewish news organization JTA. One of the articles that popped up was about fundraising: “Women in Jewish fundraising say harassment is pervasive.” I followed the link. It turns out that fundraisers for Jewish organizations and in the nonprofit world are mostly women.
Donors? You guessed it, are predominantly men. Just like in other parts of the #MeToo professional world, many Jewish fundraisers have tolerated widespread harassment in order to do their jobs. If you don’t bring in the money, it’s hard to keep your fundraising job. These fundraisers have told hair-raising tales of stalking, requests for dates or sexual favours and dangling professional opportunities “if only” the woman professional would “cooperate.”
Most of us don’t want to imagine that one’s body has to be part of a professional encounter in the fundraising arena, unless perhaps your wife, daughter, mother or sister is a sex worker (and Jewish tradition has plenty of those. Read the Bible for more on that). Imagine if your daughter, recently graduated from university, went to lunch for her job at a Jewish nonprofit. A grey-haired man sat next to her, put his chequebook down, stuck his hand up her thigh under the table, and let her know that there would be more money to come if she just went out with him.
Disgusting? Yes. These days, there are laws that say both men and women deserve the same fair pay for their work and freedom from harassment on the job.
Oh, come on, some say – this doesn’t happen in the Jewish world. Well, it does. Jews can be alcoholics, drug addicts, adulterers, criminals and more. We are people. People aren’t perfect. We commit sin, and feel guilty. (Remember those Temple sacrifices?)
The sad part is that, in many ways, we groom children to be cooperative, to respect adults in their community, to listen and obey us even if they don’t know everyone’s name. This grooming, particularly for girls, starts young. This sometimes results in bad things happening. Young women tolerate a lot before they realize something bad happened and they should complain.
As someone who used to teach full-time (and a mom), I see things that make me scared in this regard. Imagine free-range preschoolers and elementary schoolers, left to roam in a Jewish community building without adequate parental supervision. Adults offer them candy or encourage them to find their parents, but no one leads them directly to the children’s activity or to their parents. Never mind the potential for accidents or getting into mischief … worse happens.
This situation is ripe for a predator to step in with candy and lure a child away. This is how horrible, life-altering, illegal things happen to children. When I mentioned this concern aloud, the response was: “Oh, kids roam around. It’s always been this way.” Really? Thank goodness that, in Jewish tradition, we evolve and change. Even the most traditional among us don’t do sacrifices anymore. We no longer sweep childhood sexual abuse under the rug. We no longer think it is OK for women to earn less, or that they must tolerate sexual harassment on the job. We no longer think it is OK for male donors to expect they can get away with this, if only they write a big cheque.
The key to changing a culture that allows sexual predation is in Leviticus, too. The instructions for sacrifice are well laid out and clear to follow. There’s a set of steps and a ritual to each one. In the JTA article written by Debra Nussbaum Cohen, she outlines some of the new efforts to make organizational and structural change to these interactions between funders and donors. This includes laying out ethical guidelines when it comes to sexual harassment and abuse, specifically addressing the power imbalance between fundraisers, who solicit donations to keep their jobs, and funders, who hold the purse strings.
Judaism has plenty to offer when it comes to respecting someone’s body, modesty and personal space. If we know the rules to appropriate behaviour, we recognize that we can do a lot to make modern environments safer and more ethical. We also must be aware that harassing fundraisers (who happen to be women), paying our Jewish professionals (who are often women) inadequately, or failing to provide our children Jewish “safe” spaces are not acceptable ways to behave as Jews.
If Jewish tradition alone doesn’t matter to some? Many of these behaviours are also illegal. We may mourn the loss of the Temple and pray for its return. However, I vote to exchange Leviticus’s ritual steps for bloody sacrifice with those ethical behavioural guidelines for donations that emerged from the rabbinic age. We can ritualize good behaviour around tzedakah (charity) instead.
Joanne Seiff writes regularly for CBC Manitoba and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. See more about her at joanneseiff.blogspot.com.
Diane von Furstenberg was born Diane Simone Michelle Halfin in Brussels, Belgium. (PR photo)
Character. Intelligence. Strength. Style. That makes beauty.” These timeless words of wisdom were expressed by the iconic Diane von Furstenberg.
Born Diane Simone Michelle Halfin in Brussels, Belgium, 18 months after the liberation of Auschwitz – where her mother, Lily Nahmias, was among those interned – von Furstenberg was taught from a young age, “Fear is not an option.” Following this motto has helped her become a legendary designer, with a business that was worth some $300 million in mid-2017, according to Forbes.
Von Furstenberg married Austro-Italian Prince Egon von Furstenberg in 1969. Soon thereafter, in 1972, she introduced her blueprint classic wrap dress. She made the cover of Newsweek, among other publications, in 1976, after selling five million dresses worldwide. Today, the quintessential wrap dress is on display at the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, as von Furstenberg has been a major contributor to women’s fashion.
It was crucial, on a personal level, for von Furstenberg to be financially independent. She never wanted to rely on a husband or anyone else to pay her bills. Divorcing in 1972, she was determined, as a single mother of two, to make her dreams come true. A degree in economics helped her land a job as an apprentice in a textile house, which was where she learned the art of fabrics.
Von Furstenberg’s passion for prints began when she received the gift of a Pucci-designed outfit from a lover. And the idea of the silk, jersey wrap dress came to her when she saw Julie Nixon Eisenhower on television donning a wrap top with a skirt.
The wrap dress was considered both ageless and timeless: worn by women of varying cultures and sizes, from working women to the more wealthy. The wrap dress became a symbol of independence and power for a generation of women.
During this time, while ascending in her career, von Furstenberg lived a vibrant life. She had relationships with both men and women, she dressed the famous and traveled the world. She found love again with her present husband, Barry Diller. Though she had to relinquish the title of princess, she was still deemed royalty in the fashion business.
And her empire extended through the years to other domains. She wrote several books, including the memoir The Woman I Wanted to Be. She started a collaboration with the Gap, designed rooms and suites for Claridge’s hotel in London and starred in her own reality show, House of DVF.
Life was not without its challenges. She has battled cancer and, at one point, almost lost her business, but von Furstenberg prevailed.
The importance of her Jewish heritage became publicly apparent in the 1980s. It was then that she began her longtime commitment to preserving the memory of the Holocaust, and she became a prominent fundraiser for the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C.
Von Furstenberg is a philanthropist, giving back through various initiatives. For her, the empowerment of women has always been at the forefront – “Every woman can be the woman she wants to be!”
Ariella Steinis a mother, wife and fashion maven. A Vancouverite, she has lived in both Turkey and Israel for the past 25 years.
Canadian Hadassah-WIZO’s 2018 annual campaign, Come Together, Right Now, began on March 1 in support of various CHW projects. This pillar of CHW’s fundraising efforts provides $1.5 million in support of children, healthcare and women in Israel and Canada.
CHW is a non-political, nonpartisan national network of dedicated volunteers and professionals who believe that the advancement of childcare, education, healthcare and women’s issues transcends politics, religion and national boundaries.
Over the last century, CHW has been involved in all aspects of Israeli life, supporting women, children and families around the world. CHW’s support has strengthened, and continues to strengthen, the very fabric of Israeli society.
“I can give you 161,453 reasons to be proud of being a donor to Canadian Hadassah-WIZO (CHW),” said Debbie Eisenberg, CHW national president. “It’s really quite simple: this is the number of lives CHW positively impacted in Israel just this past year. This is the difference you made through your generous support of CHW.”
“For me, the theme for this year’s annual campaign encompasses everything that our supporters do for CHW,” said Alina Ianson, CHW national executive director. “Each person has their own reason for supporting the work of CHW, but when we come together, we make a statement about our belief in endorsing the mission of CHW.”
For information on the projects CHW supports, and to contribute to the Come Together, Right Now campaign, visit chw.ca.
Mamatefet’s first Mom and Babe Circle. (photo from Mamatefet)
Meirav Galili and her husband Itai moved to Vancouver with their two children from Israel five years ago. When their third child was born here, the family received lots of support from friends, something that helped make up for the fact that they have no extended family here.
When she heard about a plan to create a network of Israeli moms and moms-to-be, she was one of the first to sign up with Mamatefet.
Mamatefet, which has grown exponentially almost exclusively through word of mouth, is a mash-up of “mama” with the Hebrew word “maatefet,” which is a wraparound or embrace. The group welcomes those who want to be an otefet, an embracer, or a ne’etefet, an embracee. Except, the terms are not mutually exclusive.
“Sometimes it’s our turn to give and sometimes it’s our turn to get some help,” said Galili, adding that the success of the group surprised all involved.
“It was amazing because many, many people said, ‘me, me, me, me, me,’ and quickly we established something,” she said. Understanding the added burden of having and raising children without parents, aunts, sisters-in-law or other family around inspired many women to step forward.
Thanks to Mamatefet, one phone call or a WhatsApp message can put a team into action.
“The woman doesn’t need to ask even,” Galili said. “Everything is being done for her. She just needs to tell a friend, ‘My child is sick with me’ or ‘I have to stay at the hospital for tonight,’ and we’ll take it from there, and when they get home they have everything. It’s a very strong, warm feeling that we are not alone and we have this supportiveness.”
That is exactly what Rotem Regev had in mind when she and four friends conceived of Mamatefet in late 2016.
“It was one of those nights,” Regev recalled, “a few friends got together sitting around the coffee table chatting, recounting their individual – which we then realized were quite collective – stories of transition, to Vancouver, to motherhood, and how that intersected. What became really crystal clear to all of us is that we were feeling quite a bit of loneliness at that time, whenever that transition was, coming to Vancouver either pregnant or with a very little one, when there is not a school yet or any sort of structure to fit into…. To top that off, you would also be facing an extra challenge being away from your family and friends in a country that doesn’t yet quite feel like home and a language that doesn’t quite feel like home and a healthcare system that feels very, very different.
“We didn’t want any woman to feel the loneliness that we felt,” she said.
When they decided to share their idea, they thought maybe five more women would join, perhaps seven. A few months later, they had 70 embracers and more than 40 embracees.
“The word spread out like wildfire really, because I think the need was so great,” said Regev, who is a clinical psychologist. There are a couple of similar groups in Israel and something sort of like Mamatefet in San Francisco and another in New Jersey, but, considering the evident need, it is a surprisingly rare initiative.
Regev and her Mamatefet co-founders Tamara Halamish, Yael Pilo Raz, Yael Mayer and Matti Feigelstock, have now seen their project expand from Vancouver to teams in Richmond, Ladner, Surrey, North Vancouver and East Vancouver-Burnaby, with a new team gearing up in Langley and the Tri-Cities.
In general, Mamatefet volunteers will deliver food, often including a Shabbat meal. There are regular meet-up groups for pregnant women and another for new moms. They are also on call in case of a crisis, like a miscarriage or a stillbirth.
But it’s the informal friendships that organically develop that are as important, said Marina Ingel. Being able to arrange play dates, exchange kids’ clothes, have a coffee with other new moms – this is an important outcome too, she said.
One of the reassuring things is talking to other moms about how the medical system in Canada differs from that in Israel.
“Here it’s totally different. Everything,” said Ingel. “In Israel, every time you’re going to the doctor, you’re doing an ultrasound. Here, you have maybe two the whole pregnancy. A bunch of things that they’re checking in Israel, they’re not doing this at all. But then you realize it’s fine and, if you have any problem, they will check it. Everything is OK, but the thing is that you’re worried about it, because it’s new to you.”
For Galili, cooking is both a hobby and a way to support other new moms.
“They send a message saying there is a woman who is about to come home with a baby and [asking] who is willing to participate,” she said. “I thought, OK, I need to prepare something anyway so I’ll just prepare something extra.”
Baking, homemade granola and yogurt, soups and a main dish, comfort food like chicken and rice, are the sorts of things she preps for new moms.
“If her mother were here, this is what she would probably make for her,” said Galili.
I might have been a Jewish Martha Stewart if fate had been kinder to me. I used to watch with envy as she placed her rose-scented candles on the needlepoint tablecloth in the centre of which were the exquisite paper flowers she crafted. In my fantasy, I imagine my own dinner table now ready for the chopped liver, with braised lamb shanks, kasha pilaf and apple kugel, which would be served on my designer Star of David ceramic plates. Blossoms of fresh orchids from my greenhouse would fill the room. And it would be a good thing.
It is to my chagrin, however, that domestic tasks have never been my forte. Instead, I learned to deflect sizzling hockey pucks from four older brothers as they practised their shots on goal on the frozen North End streets of Winnipeg. I couldn’t whip up a chocolate brownie, but I could power a strike ball for the boys baseball team. I would likely have made a slam-dunk career in basketball if not for my growth spurt maxing out at five feet at an early age.
But, as I became an adult, stopping a puck, throwing a baseball or shooting baskets were no longer in demand. Domestic tasks became the necessity of life and I had few skills. I did manage to accumulate some basic cooking skills, however, and, to date, none of my family has succumbed to starvation.
Now, the task of sewing is a different ball of yarn. What little I learned, I picked up in school. I still remember the pained look on the face of my Grade 7 teacher as I zigzagged the hemline on the proverbial apron running it through the sewing machine. Nonetheless, my lack of proficiency with domestic skills had not interfered greatly in my life – that is, until I became a mother. Then it all came to a flashpoint!
My then-5-year-old daughter, who was attending Peretz School at the time, needed a costume for their annual Purim carnival. She, the little princess, wanted to be a queen – Queen Esther, no less. Oh sure, I’ll just whip up a queen’s costume as soon as I finish the cheese soufflé, the salmon mousse, chocolate-coated orange peels and homemade halvah. What to do? Well, creativity helps where skills fail. I pondered that maybe I could pick up a large piece of fancy material, cut a hole in the middle, and then throw the whole thing over her head, like a poncho.
So, for the first time in my life I found myself in a fabric store like a rookie at a textiles Superbowl. I looked and felt and touched, feigning expertise. Eventually, I settled on a rich red satin. I cut out a round hole in the centre using a “dummy” circle for an approximate size of her head. If I was looking for a “dummy,” I could well have used my own head. The hole had to be adjusted several times to make it big enough to actually get her head through it. The biggest problem, however, was the edges. They were frayed all around and still needed something more to dress it up.
After another search, I discovered long strands of sequins sold by the yard. Exactly what I needed! I chose gold. Very royal, I thought. Much to my surprise, I still remembered the basic back and hemstitch from my sewing class – not a total loss. With needle and thread, I painstakingly stitched on the sequins around the neck and all the edges (I knew enough not to have her head in it at the time). After numerous hours, with bleary, red, irritated eyes, stitch by stitch, it was done.
“What will I wear for a crown?” whined my unappreciative daughter. Once again, I called on some inner resources for inspiration. I found an expandable holder used for tying hair back in a knot or bun. It was gold-coloured metal dotted with decorative “pearls.” When it was fully extended, it sat on the top of her little head like a crown. She loved it! Perfect!
We were ready. Her long, blonde hair flowed softly over her simple red satin poncho gilded with gold sequins, and her greenish-blue eyes sparkled like the “crown” on her head. She was a queen! A blonde Queen Esther!
The party was already in full swing when we arrived, with blue-and-white streamers and balloons lining the walls and ceiling. Chattering children were milling about in all kinds of wonderful outfits. Although her costume was not as elaborate as many, she blended with the others and joined in the games, sang Purim songs and ate hamantashen. At the end of the afternoon, everyone was told to gather around because the judges were ready to announce the winners of the contest.
What contest?
But before I could answer my own question, I heard them announce, “The winner for the best girls costume is Queen Esther.”
“Who?” I whispered under my breath in disbelief.
“Queen Esther!” they called again, as if responding to me personally.
With astonishment, I watched, tears welling in my eyes, as my daughter scrambled onto the stage of the school auditorium for her special moment. I was delighted for her, but bursting with pride for me. It had not been my goal but turned out to be my slam-dunk. This small victory was my personal triumph. I was a Martha Stewart after all. Well, a Jewish Martha Stewart, or maybe substitute Miriam Silver? Regardless, it was a good thing.
Libby Simon, MSW, worked in child welfare services prior to joining the Child Guidance Clinic in Winnipeg as a school social worker and parent educator for 20 years. Also a freelance writer, her writing has appeared in Canada, the United States, and internationally, in such outlets as Canadian Living, CBC, Winnipeg Free Press, PsychCentral and Cardus, a Canadian research and educational public policy think tank.