forgiveness

A complicated family legacy

Neshama Carlebach comes to Vancouver for Selichot at Congregation Beth Israel on Sept. 13. (photo by Michael Albany)

After more than two decades, Neshama Carlebach returns to Vancouver. But not for a concert.

The award-winning singer-songwriter will lead, with her band, a musical service at Congregation Beth Israel for Selichot, the night of Sept. 13. The holiday – whose name translates as forgiveness, or pardon – marks the beginning of a period of penitential prayers that runs through Simchat Torah. In addition to participating in the service, Carlebach will speak with Rabbi Jonathan Infeld about her father, the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, his spiritual and musical legacy, and also the pain caused by the sexual misconduct of which he was posthumously accused.

In January 2018, Carlebach wrote a blog on the Times of Israel that addressed the allegations against her father, who died in 1994. She also shared that she had been sexually abused as a child by one of her father’s friends. Writing that blog, she told the Jewish Independent, “was one of the most painful and soul-wrenching things I have ever done. I was standing at the edge of a precipice, holding the truth of my own pain, the pain of others, and the love I still carry for my father, who was no longer alive to respond. The world was shifting in the wake of the #MeToo movement, and I felt an overwhelming need to finally speak and honour the voices of those who had been hurt and silenced – including my own.

“Simultaneously, my career was, in many ways, canceled. Doors closed. Invitations disappeared. People I loved and trusted turned away from me in anger, some even accusing me of betraying my father and his legacy. Perhaps just as painful was watching my family’s music – music that has brought meaning to so many – be rejected and erased.

“Acknowledging my father’s transgressions broke my heart,” said Carlebach, “but it was time for me to speak out – to stand with those who were hurt and to be a part of the possibility of healing, and for the belief that we must be honest to be whole. We must hold space for truth, even when it shatters the fabric of the life we once clung to.”

From the age of 5, Carlebach’s father invited her to share Chassidic stories for his audiences and, by age 15, she was performing alongside him. Since her first album in 1996, she has released 10 records and, worldwide, is one of the bestselling Jewish artists. She is also an advocate for religious pluralism and human rights, as well as being a community leader in other respects. Living in New York with husband Rabbi Menachem Creditor and their five children, she is in the midst of writing a memoir, as well as studying to become a rabbi at the Academy for Jewish Religion.

In 2026, a documentary about Carlebach’s family will be released, with the support of Jewish Story Partners. The blurb on JSP’s website reads: “Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, ‘the Singing Rabbi,’ ignited the spiritual landscape for legions of Jews in a post-Holocaust world. Soon after his death, he is accused of sexual abuse. Thirty years later, with intimate access to his family, inner circle, and his victims, Carlebach Project Untitled grapples with a complicated legacy and how – or whether – to separate the art from the artist.”

“I was just 20 when my father died and, in many ways, I was still a child,” Carlebach told the Independent. “He wasn’t just my father; he was my rabbi and my closest friend. Losing him was like losing my grounding in the world. And when, years later, I began to fully confront the complexities of his life and the pain that others experienced because of him, the grief became more complicated. My career crumbled. I lost community. I lost friends.

“I think what helped me to continue was the music and my connection to God. Even when I wasn’t able to sing professionally, within my own heart I sang and I prayed.

“I still carry and honour my father because I am his daughter and because I believe that love and accountability are not opposites,” she said. “Music has a life of its own, it has always been bigger than the entity which creates it. The legacy I hope I’m building now with my sons is one rooted in truth, in justice, in faith and in love. I choose to believe these are the things he wanted for me, and for the world.”

photo - On Selichot, Sept. 13, Neshama Carlebach will speak with Rabbi Jonathan Infeld about her father, the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, his spiritual and musical legacy, and also the pain caused by the sexual misconduct of which he was posthumously accused — On Selichot, Sept. 13, Neshama Carlebach will speak with Rabbi Jonathan Infeld about her father, the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, his spiritual and musical legacy, and also the pain caused by the sexual misconduct of which he was posthumously accused. (photo by Joan Roth)

It was after the Hamas terror attacks on Oct. 7, 2023, that Carlebach began creating music with her sons, Rafael and Micah.

“To share the sacred legacy of our family with them, and to witness their light, their depth and their gifts has been one of the greatest blessings of my lifetime,” she said. “My Rafael sadly can’t be with us in Vancouver, as he is starting college, but my Micah will be! We will also be joined by my longtime musical collaborators, pianist and musical director Seth Farber, bass player Brian Glassman and drummer Joe Nero.”

The video Carlebach created with her sons – Invincible Spirit (In Solidarity with Israel), an interpretation of the song “Am Yisrael Chai” – is on YouTube.

“Originally written in support of the Soviet Jewry Movement, ‘Am Yisrael Chai’ has been an anthem of the Jewish people for over 50 years,” Carlebach wrote in a Times of Israel blog last year. “The melody and words have brought energy, sustenance and unity whenever it’s been sung, often in response to hardships facing the Jewish world. In times of need, it is simultaneously a call to action and a prayer, a defiant cry and a message of reassurance. The words, translated as ‘The People of Israel Live,’ were set to music by my father in the 1960s and embraced as part of the Jewish canon. Today, since the horrors of Oct. 7, they have once again become a constant refrain in the Jewish community.”

In another blog, Carlebach, who was born on Simchat Torah, explains why she decided to become a rabbi. “After Oct. 7, Simchat Torah, my heart, my essence and my birthday changed forever,” she wrote. “My Jewish identity and desire to learn have never been stronger. I feel a greater sense of urgency to do my part and bring meaning and holiness to our communities, both in the diaspora and Israel.”

She shared with the Independent the importance of participating in the event at Beth Israel.

“Selichot is the beginning of the High Holy Day season, our holiest time of year,” she said. “It is when we begin to turn inward and ask ourselves the hardest questions: Who have I been? Where have I fallen short? What do I need to repair – in myself, in my relationships, in the world? It’s a time of vulnerability, of accountability and of profound possibility.

“I’ve always envisioned that, on Selichot, the Great Gates of Teshuvah – of Return – first begin to creak open, but slowly, almost in a whisper. Selichot is softer than Rosh Hashanah, more intimate than Yom Kippur. We gather, often late at night, to begin to open our hearts as a community – with prayer, with song, with tears. It’s a time for truth and tenderness.

“It will be incredibly meaningful to gather with the Vancouver community in prayer and in conversation this Selichot. This is the kind of gathering I love most!” she said, commending Rabbi Infeld and the Beth Israel community for being “open and brave enough to engage in this complicated topic.”

“Every year, we work hard to make sure that our Selichot service and program makes a difference in people’s lives,” said Infeld. “The topics are often not easy to discuss, but, every year, people leave the synagogue looking at a situation from a different perspective and as better human beings because they came. We love when people discuss the content of what they heard at the synagogue after Selichot. We believe that this year that will happen as well. Shlomo Carlebach is extremely well known, but the underbelly of the person and his personality are extremely important for us all to discuss – and there is no one better in this world to do that than his daughter, who is also extremely musically talented.”

To invite Carlebach was “a natural choice,” he said, given that the event will honour Harley Rothstein.

“Since we had decided to honour Harley for his many years of service this year, I decided I wanted to do something very special from a musical perspective,” said the rabbi.

“Harley is one of the most humble and generous people I know. He is a constant supporter of our synagogue in many ways. We have been honoured to have him lead services over the years. He has a fabulous voice with great kavanah [intention/devotion],” explained Infeld. “He has a magical ability to engage people in congregational singing and to help engender a warm feeling among all the participants. Harley has gone above and beyond by helping to teach the next generation of service leaders. One of his most important aspects of leadership each year has been the Selichot service with our ba’alat tefillah [prayer leader], Debby Fenson.”

On Sept. 5, during the synagogue’s Shabbat with a Difference Kabbalat Shabbat service, the congregation will honour Fenson on her 20th anniversary with Beth Israel. On Sept. 13, she and Rothstein will lead Havdalah.

The Selichot event with Neshama Carlebach is open to the entire community. To attend, RSVP via bethisrael.ca.

BI scholar-in-residence

Rabbi Eliezer Diamond (photo from jtsa.edu)

“I am particularly interested in the way that Torah can help us look inward. Each of the topics is about religious character formation, various ways in which we create a more godly character and personality,” said Rabbi Eliezer Diamond in a Zoom conversation with the Jewish Independent ahead of his visit to Vancouver next month.

Congregation Beth Israel will be hosting Diamond as its scholar-in-residence for three in-person talks under the collective title Making a Life of Meaning. A professor of Talmud and rabbinics at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America, in New York, Diamond will speak on Addiction and Judaism (April 28, 7:30 p.m.), the Power of Gratitude (April 29, 6 p.m., with a dinner to follow) and Seeking and Granting Forgiveness (April 30, 9:30 a.m.).

In regard to addiction, the rabbi compares the 12-step process of Alcoholics Anonymous with the laws of repentance by Maimonides and notes the parallel paths taken towards sobriety and repentance: acknowledgement, regret and acceptance.

“Not drinking and being sober are not the same thing. To recover from alcoholism, one has to change one’s way of living and thinking,” said Diamond, who discusses addiction from both a personal and professional perspective.

“I am a recovering alcoholic and I know about addiction from the inside,” he said. “Even though I am not a therapist or addiction counselor, what I can do is help people to be honest with themselves and say ‘I have a problem,’ which is an acknowledgement of the sin and a step towards repentance. It is important to help people see where they are at so that they can begin to make changes.”

It is also helpful, he added, for his rabbinical students to know that their teacher is a recovering alcoholic because there is frequently a shame involved in addiction and a sense that one is a diminished person as a result.

“I am there to say to them, those may be the cards one has been dealt. You can still be a productive human being and, if you take the steps you need to take to deal with addiction, there is no reason for shame. On the contrary, there is a reason for pride. You have been faced with a challenge and you have addressed it,” he said.

Diamond pointed out that, in a broad sense, there has been an acknowledgement in the past couple of decades within the Jewish community that Jews, like everyone else, have problems with addiction.

“We are not immune to addiction, as people think or would like to think,” he said. “In my own lifetime, the community has become more open. The founding of Jewish Addiction Community Services [JACS] is an example of that.”

In addition to Congregation Beth Israel, Diamond’s talks in Vancouver are being sponsored by JACS Vancouver, Jewish Family Services Vancouver and Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver.

Diamond’s discussion on gratitude is tied to the teachings of Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler, an early 20th-century leader in the mussar (Jewish ethics or values) movement, who saw giving as being at the heart of the religious personality. In Dessler’s teachings, God, by providing life, is the ultimate giver. Therefore, to follow in God’s path, we must be givers ourselves. There are times, however, when we must also be receivers, and the best way to receive is through gratitude, Diamond explained.

Expanding on the theme of gratitude, Diamond added, “Ultimately, whether or not we experience ourselves as wealthy or poor is intimately connected to finding happiness and satisfaction with what we have. If we focus on what we have and the happiness that it can bring us, then we can feel wealthy. This is a choice that all of us, especially in a first-world situation, have.”

On forgiveness, the rabbi cited Christian theologian C.S. Lewis, who spoke of the human desire to seek forgiveness yet the difficulty humans have in granting it.

“Forgiving is a hard thing to do,” said Diamond. “What does it actually mean to forgive someone? Because, unless we lobotomize ourselves, we are not going to forget what happened. The essence of what I will be talking about is the relationship between forgiveness and recognizing the essential humanity of every human being, including those who have wronged us.”

What often stands in the way of forgiveness, he said, is the inability to view another person as anything other than evil, and not as a flawed individual who has stumbled, as we all stumble. The path towards forgiveness, according to Diamond, is to make that distinction.

Amid social and political divisiveness, which causes rifts in families and communities, Diamond further emphasized the importance of being able to listen to and appreciate the inherent humanity and sincerity in belief of those with whom we may strongly disagree.

“Rabbi Diamond is one of most well-respected scholars in the Conservative movement today,” said Beth Israel’s Rabbi Jonathan Infeld. “He is exceedingly bright, knowledgeable and eloquent. He is also passionate about the human value of gratitude and the importance of recovery. Considering the fact that drug and alcohol addictions and overdoses have been less spoken about during the pandemic, we knew that Rabbi Diamond should be our first in-person scholar-in-residence since the beginning of COVID-19. We are so happy that other community agencies are joining us. We look forward to welcoming Rabbi Diamond to Vancouver and learning from this incredible rabbi.”

To register for the April 29 dinner, visit bethisrael.ca.

Sam Margolis has written for the Globe and Mail, the National Post, UPI and MSNBC.

To forgive and to save others

Left to right are Megan Laskin, Sherri Wise, Karen James, Jane Stoller, Jeannie Smith, Alyssa Schottland-Bauman and Sharon Goldman. (photo from Jewish Federation)

For the past 14 years, the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver has organized a women’s philanthropy event called Choices. The evening is meant to inspire women to understand the power of their tzedakah and to feel part of the community. On Sunday, Nov. 4, in Congregation Beth Israel’s Gales Family Ballroom, the informal consensus in the room of more than 500 women was that Choices exceeded its objectives.

One of this year’s achievements, according to event co-chair Jane Stoller, was that there were 50 first-time attendees. Stoller explained that a table of Hillel BC students had been sponsored and there were new faces from Federation’s young adult program, Axis, in the crowd. In addition, she said a record number of Israeli women were among the new attendees.

As for the featured speakers this year, both not only spoke movingly, but they also tied in Federation as an important component of their respective stories.

Sherri Wise is a dentist who lives and works in Vancouver. She survived a triple bombing on Ben Yehuda Street in Jerusalem on Sept. 4, 1997.

Wise described the sequence of events that led her to be at a café on a beautiful sunny day and what transpired after three Palestinian terrorists each blew themselves up in the immediate vicinity. Wise was seriously injured, with more than 100 nails embedded in her limbs and second- and third-degree burns on many areas of her body. After recounting the details of this tragedy, Wise was able to focus on some of the positives that arose from the horror. “Someone from Jewish Federation in Vancouver contacted Federation in Jerusalem and a kind woman named Trudy came every day to visit me.… I never even learned her last name,” she said.

Wise said she has managed to get on with her life not only with the help of her parents and the Jewish community, but also by making a decision not to harbour anger or hatred toward those who injured her, killed seven and injured 200 others. “Those men were born innocent babies and they were taught to hate – what chance did they have?”

Wise has since helped craft, advocate for and see enacted the Justice for Victims of Terrorism Act. This bill includes deterrents to those who would support terrorist organizations financially and materially, and grants rights to Canadian victims of terrorism. Wise imparted a message of healing, gratitude and finding a way to make a positive difference.

Jeannie Smith, the daughter of Irene Gut Opdyke, was the second speaker. Opdyke, who passed away in 2003, saved the lives of 12 Jews in Poland during the Holocaust and was recognized by the Israeli Holocaust Commission as one of the Righteous Among the Nations. Smith recounted many details of her mother’s story to a captivated crowd.

At the age of 17, Gut was forced to work in, among other places, the home of a high-ranking German officer stationed in Poland near her hometown. Prior to “keeping house” for this officer, she had worked in a laundry facility at a German officer’s camp. When she learned that she would be relocated to a villa in the town and that the Jews of that town would be liquidated, she managed to smuggle the group of Jews she had worked with in the camp’s laundry into the basement of the villa.

Eventually, the officer discovered the hidden Jews but, for a variety of reasons – none of them altruistic – he did not turn them in. As the Soviets approached and the Germans fled Poland, the 12 Jews, one of whom was pregnant, fled to the forest and joined the partisans.

There are many more twists and turns to Gut Opdyke’s story, but she ended up in California, where she married an American man who was the only person in the United States who knew anything about her painful and heroic past. Gut Opdyke was moved to begin speaking about her experiences only after she received a random call from a Holocaust denier. For the rest of her life, she was a Holocaust educator who shared the story her daughter, Smith, shared with the women at Choices.

Smith expressed gratitude toward the Jewish Federation of Portland because they paid for her father to live out his life in the Jewish seniors home once he developed Alzheimer’s. Commenting about Federation, she said, “One person can make a difference, and an organization can make a mighty difference.” She concluded with what she said her mother used to end her speeches with as well: “Every day we have an opportunity to be kind, to stand up for what is right and to go against what is wrong. We can be the difference in someone’s life.”

Both Wise and Smith received standing ovations for their heartfelt stories of love and resilience.

Leanne Hazon was one of the first-time attendees at the event. Having lived in Toronto for the last 18 years, the Richmond native returned to Metro Vancouver earlier this year for work.

“I thought the whole event was amazing!” she said. “It had such a nice vibe and feeling of community, very warm and welcoming. And the speakers were exceptional…. Sherri Wise’s message of forgiveness was so powerful and Jeannie Smith’s story about her mom was very moving.”

For more information on Jewish Federation and its annual campaign, visit jewishvancouver.com.

Michelle Dodek is a freelance writer living in Vancouver.

On making a new start

Why is it so hard for many of us to shake off the past and begin anew? My Bride often tells me she finds it amazing how easily I forgive myself for my errors. She holds her misgivings about past actions to her breast for eternity. For me, when I forgive myself, I find it much easier to strike off in another direction, one which may, or may not, lead to a better result.

Maybe it has something to do with my background. As an adherent to Judaism, I have always been much taken by the ideas associated with the Jewish New Year. Rosh Hashanah, occurring in the autumn, as determined by the lunar calendar, is one of our major holidays. It is a happy holiday, a time of feasting and family gatherings, celebrating that we managed to get safely through another year. And there are lots of wishes expressed that we might do the same again next year, even marking it in our spiritual birthplace, Jerusalem.

But there is a serious side to the holiday as well. The New Year will be followed closely by the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, when all Jews are assessed and judged as to what their fate will be in the year to come. So, the New Year is a time when all Jews are expected to examine their behaviours and make resolutions that, hopefully, will guide their actions more positively in the coming year.

To do so, one has to search one’s conscience, one has to admit to oneself all those things that we have done wrong, that only we know about. We have to admit to ourselves remorse for our actions that we know have not been correct in the light of our values. Then we have to decide that we will not do those things again. We have to forgive ourselves and resolve to do differently. Indeed, during this season, many individuals go out of their way to visit antagonists and others to whom they may have done wrong to beg pardon for any perceived excesses to which they may have been a party.

So, you can see that I come by my approach rightly. It was imbibed with my mother’s milk. Judaism is not unique in including this concept within its construct. It seems to be an important element within many religious and philosophical approaches as to how humans should live. The key thing to me is that we have to be able to forgive ourselves so that our contrition can motivate actions toward a new start.

I must admit I always feel refreshed when I am in the position of having cast off the constrictions imposed by ideas I have been forced to abandon. Ahead of me lie whole new worlds of possibilities. That old stuff didn’t work. What did I learn? Where can I go from here?

What about that idea that we discarded before as impractical, impossible? Could there be something in it? What about what Joe suggested, which we shouted down? Maybe we should ask him to explain it more fully. Could there be something in it that we missed? He has had good ideas before. What if we put that idea together with the one we had? Could that give us a better result? Anybody who has spent a part of his or her life confronting problems, and problem-solving, in concert with other people, will know that of which I speak.

Don’t we feel better after we have cleared the decks with an old adversary? Now maybe we can make a fresh start and work together to accomplish common goals that we share. Isn’t it great when the difference you have had with your spouse has been resolved and you have returned together to the zone of loving and sharing that you were in danger of losing? Isn’t that more important than things that may have divided you? Aren’t so many long-term relationships built by making new starts over and over again?

The Jewish New Year ethic is a part of how we can live our lives each day. Making a fresh start is what we can do every day we wake up. We all know there are things percolating on the back burner. We may not want to think about some of these things. We may push them off to the back of our minds because of their unpleasantness. But they don’t go away. They are the things we will have to tackle if we want to make a fresh start in some important area of our lives.

Max Roytenberg is a Vancouver-based poet, writer and blogger. His recently published Hero in My Own Eyes: Tripping a Life Fantastic is available from Amazon and other online booksellers.

For Jews, sorry is not enough

Christianity and Judaism have many customs and symbolism in common. Naturally, as the aphorism states, the child does not stray far from the mother. We both take vows to repair our character. But, in one area, we grossly diverge: the proclamation of the new year.

photo - It’s OK to lust after your neighbor’s Jennifer Lopez-looking wife – as long as you don’t act on that desire — It’s OK to lust after your neighbor’s Jennifer Lopez-looking wife – as long as you don’t act on that desire. (photo from Stemoc via en.wikipedia.org)

To put it plainly, New Year’s Eve to your Christian friends may be an office party with wine, stolen kisses and shrill music that drowns the clarion call of the shofar. Rosh Hashanah is both private and public sober meditation, as serious as death. You can tell it’s Rosh Hashanah even without a calendar when Jewish faces go serious – when Jewish eyes are not smiling.

In both religions, we reexamine our behavior, note our lapses and vow to improve our moral balance. But, in Judaism, ceremony and symbolism take the throne. The environment is much more regal. After all, we are asking of this shofar-announced first day of the year to come – the king of days, so to speak – mercy and goodness. And, above all, life. May that lump on your leg be benign. May Bennie turn a dark corner and find through honest labor the means to feed his family. We attempt to woo good fortune with a shofar blast, the bugle call of the Jewish warrior. We give tzedakah. We fling away our sins, contemptuous of our selfish errors of the past. This is the first bright, shining day of the year to come. Repent, so that the year to come will reflect the life to come. Sweet as the honey in which we dip our challah.

If we were a bit morally careless during the previous year, we bear down hard on the 10-day interval leading to Yom Kippur. We must be as angelic as a human can be so that we are properly inscribed in the Book of Life – and please, Sir, spell my name right. It’s one “b,” not two.

Forgiveness depends not only on repentance, but also on restitution. If I burned down my neighbor’s house, I must rebuild it. “Sorry” is not enough. I must repay my debts of insult, deceit, thievery and violence. And, to be heretical for a moment (rabbis, read no further) it is vulgar, but not a sin to lust after your neighbor’s wife who looks like Jennifer Lopez. So long as you suppress your evil inclination and take no action on your devilish desire.

Deeds, deeds, Judaism is all about deeds.

Ted Roberts is a freelance writer and humorist living in Huntsville, Ala.