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Tag: Chelm

Ordinary holiday in Chelm

Ordinary holiday in Chelm

Reb Cantor and Rabbi Yohon Abrahms paused at the top of the hill to watch the sun spread its warm red rays in a growing embrace across the Black Forest. (photo by Rainer Lück via commons.wikimedia.org)

It was an ordinary Chanukah in the village of Chelm, which was strange. Depending on who you talk to, Chelm is called a village of fools or of wise people, and there’s always something going wrong. This year, however … it was quiet.

Chanukah was neither early nor late. The weather was good – not too cold and not too hot. There was enough food so no one was hungry, and the lands surrounding Chelm were at peace; the Cossacks were far away. And, for once, no one got into an argument over whether the Americans should spell the holiday with an “H” or a “Ch.”

On the first night of Chanukah, families gathered and lit their candles according to the traditions of Hillel or Shammai, depending on whether they felt like building up to a big finish or starting off bright and getting more relaxed as each day passed.

“Something is going to happen,” worried Reb Cantor the merchant, as he huffed and puffed his way up Sunrise Hill for his morning exercise with Rabbi Yohon Abrahms, the schoolteacher.

“Something always happens,” said the young rabbi.

“Something bad,” said Reb Cantor. “It’s too quiet.”

“Not when you’re breathing so hard,” said Rabbi Yohon Abrahms.

They paused at the top of the hill to watch the sun spread its warm red rays in a growing embrace across the Black Forest.

“I’m still concerned,” said Reb Cantor.

“You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t,” said the young rabbi.

“I’ll race you to Mrs. Chaipul’s restaurant.”

“But you always win!” said Reb Cantor.

It was too late. The young rabbi was already running, and the fat merchant had no choice but to trundle after, hoping that he wouldn’t trip, fall and roll down the hill like a barrel.

By the time Reb Cantor caught up, Rabbi Abrahms was busy playing a friendly game with Joseph Katz, a well-known dreidel shark. Instead of wagering raisins on who would win, everyone was betting about how many coffee cups and teacups Joseph could rebound a dreidel off before landing on whatever letter he chose.

“Watch this,” Joseph said with a twinkle. He twirled a square top onto the table, where it ricocheted back and forth, striking five mugs and three cups before flying up, hovering over Rabbi Kibbitz’s plate of latkes, and then splashing down into the rabbi’s apple sauce.

“Nun!” said Joseph. “I win.” (In Chelm, foolish as it is, they say it takes nun to win.)

“You always do,” said Rabbi Kibbitz, who fished out the dreidel and wiped it off with a napkin before returning it to the young man.

“Sorry about that,” Joseph said.

Rabbi Kibbitz shrugged. “I’ve always felt that apple sauce is more of a garnish than a necessity.”

“How can you eat those latkes?” whispered Reb Stein, the baker. “I know you love your wife, but….”

Mrs. Chaipul, the rabbi’s wife (she kept her own name, which is another story) was listening from the kitchen to see how her husband would answer.

As the owner of the only kosher restaurant in Chelm, she was known as a miracle worker in the kitchen, with the exception of her lead-sinker matzah balls and her notoriously lethal latkes.

She knew, as did everyone in Chelm, that she had something of a culinary blind spot when it came to potato pancakes. She’d solved the problem at the annual Chanukah party by enlisting the help of Mrs. Rosen and her daughters, but her husband insisted that she still make her old recipe for him.

Rabbi Kibbitz smiled. “First of all, my stomach is protected by my belief in God.”

Everyone in the restaurant rolled their eyes.

“Secondly, it’s a question of scale,” he said. “When she cooks a small batch just for me, they’re quite good.”

“Really?” Reb Stein said.

“Would you like a taste?” the rabbi said, raising a piece on his fork.

“No, no, no, no!” Reb Stein said, hastily backing away. “I have work to do today.”

Even Reb Cantor, who had caught his breath by then, joined in as Reb Stein fled from the restaurant ahead of a wave of laughter.

Every night for seven more nights, candles were lit and the stories of the Maccabees were told. Songs were sung, dreidels spun, and latkes and doughnuts were fried.

More and more families were following the Schlemiel’s tradition of giving Chanukah presents to each other, but it wasn’t to excess. No one fought over whose present was best or biggest. And everyone remembered to give a little extra gelt to Rabbi Abrahms the schoolteacher to honor his contribution to their children’s lives.

On the last night it snowed, but everyone was home safe. They looked out their windows at the falling flakes, glad of their walls and roofs, and warmed themselves in front of their fires. And, as the candles finally burned down, the children were tucked into bed beneath comforters and blankets with a final goodnight kiss.

It was an ordinary Chanukah in the village of Chelm.

For once, nothing bad happened and nothing went wrong.

And that in itself was a miracle.

The End.

Mark Binder is the author of the award-winning Life in Chelm series, which includes A Chanukah Present, The Brothers Schlemiel and Matzah Mishugas. His latest book is Cinderella Spinderella. A professional storyteller, he regularly performs at synagogues, Jewish community centres and the National Yiddish Book Centre.

Format ImagePosted on December 4, 2015December 4, 2015Author Mark BinderCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags Chanukah, Chelm
A cure for menorah malaise

A cure for menorah malaise

Reb Cantor discovers that some families, like Chelm’s Gold family, light eight candles on the first night of Chanukah. (photo by Dov Harrington from commons.wikimedia.org)

“I’m sick of Chanukah,” Reb Cantor, the merchant of Chelm, muttered. His wife, Shoshanna, looked up with surprise. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Did I say that aloud?” Reb Cantor paused and frowned. “But now that you ask…. I’m tired of Jewish holidays. I’m tired of non-Jewish holidays. I’m done with giving and getting. I’m bored with lighting candles and saying the same blessings over and over and over again. I’m finished with wondering when Chanukah is, and I’m exhausted by all the conversation about whether it’s early or late. And I am so fed up with latkes and greasy food. If I never see another potato pancake in my life it won’t be too soon.”

“But Chanukah’s a tradition,” Shoshanna said. “It’s a mitzvah! And is it so wrong to celebrate one of the few battles the Jews actually won?”

“I don’t care anymore,” Reb Cantor answered. Shoshanna Cantor nodded and sighed. Her husband, Isaac, had always been prone to depression and, as the winter days got longer, his moods often got darker. Usually, she wouldn’t worry, but Chanukah hadn’t even started yet, and listening to him kvetch for a whole eight-day week would be too much to take.

“Well, there’s a one benefit.” She smiled. “If you’re not eating latkes, you’ll probably lose some weight.”

Then she rubbed his big belly and kissed his balding forehead.

Reb Cantor tried to be grumpy about this too, but he couldn’t help himself and snorted a laugh.

***

The door of the Cantor house slammed. It was late in the afternoon of the first evening of Chanukah, and Reb Cantor was furious. He was ready to rant and rage and stomp. Not only did he hate potato latkes, he hated the way Shoshanna fried them in advance and then left them to warm in the oven until they became greasy and soggy. He sniffed the air and … there was nothing … no rancid oil or stale potato scent.

“Shoshanna!” he bellowed just as his wife appeared. “What….”

“Don’t take off your coat,” she said as she put on a wrap. “We’re not having dinner at home.”

“I’m not going to the Chelm Chanukah party!” Reb Cantor barked. “Mrs. Chaipul’s latkes always make me queasy.”

“It’s not till tomorrow night anyway,” she said. “Come with me.”

Then she walked out. He had no choice but to follow.

It wasn’t far to the Gold house. The poor cobbler lived with his many children in a home that had been completely rebuilt after it had accidentally won the sukkah contest several years before.

Shoshanna knocked on the door, and then went in. Clearly, they were expected.

Reb Cantor frowned and stomped his feet on the stoop in frustration.

A quiet voice asked, “What are you doing?”

Reb Cantor looked down at Reb Gold’s youngest daughter, Fegi, who seemed a little frightened.

“Nothing,” the merchant said, softening his voice. “I’m just making sure my boots are clean before I come inside.”

“Oh,” the little girl said. “Mama makes us take them off so we don’t track mud or scratch the floors.” She beckoned to a stack of shelves on the wall that were filled with shoes and boots.

Reb Cantor forced a smile, and sat on a bench.

“What’s that amazing smell?” he asked.

“Latkes!” the girl said with delight. “Mama’s making them and everybody’s gobbling them as fast as they come out of the pan.”

“You eat before the candles are lit?” the merchant said.

“Papa says that since Chanukah is so late this year and there are so many people to feed that we should eat while the oil’s hot.”

“So, they’re not warmed-over and limp?”

“They’re hot and crispy!” Fegi grinned. “With delicate, lacy edges.”

Reb Cantor’s mouth watered, despite his attempts to be angry and upset.

He padded his stocking feet into the kitchen full of the Gold family, large and small.

“Here, eat this,” Esther Gold said, popping a tiny warm latke into his mouth before he could say a word. “We wouldn’t want it to get cold.”

Reb Cantor couldn’t speak because of the savory explosions in his mouth.

“You’re just in time for the blessings,” Joshua Gold said.

The room fell silent. Even the oil stopped sizzling.

Soon it was filled with the song of the blessings. Each child harmonized and, as soon as he had chewed and swallowed the delicious bite, Reb Cantor couldn’t help himself and joined in.

Each of the Gold children and both their parents lit a candle until eight lights and the shammos were burning brightly. The sun had set and there was no other light in the room but the glow from the stove and the tall tapers in the middle of the long table.

“Why does your family light eight candles on the first night of Chanukah?” Reb Cantor asked.

“Chanukah celebrates a miracle,” Reb Gold said. “And my family is a miracle. That we are together is a blessing. That we have a house and food and enough money to buy so many candles is a blessing. Chanukah is a golden holiday. The latkes are golden. The light from the candles is golden. And this is the Gold house. We are so fortunate it would be a shame not to celebrate that.”

Reb Cantor looked at his wife, who was smiling at him. He did his best to hold back his tears.

“Besides,” Fegi said brightly. “If we only lit one candle it would be dark.”

Everyone laughed. Latkes were made, dreidels were spun, and the cold dark night was made warm and bright.

The End.

Mark Binder is the author of the award-winning Life in Chelm series, which includes A Chanukah Present, The Brothers Schlemiel and Matzah Mishugas. His latest book is Cinderella Spinderella. A professional storyteller, he regularly performs at synagogues, Jewish community centres and the National Yiddish Book Centre.

Format ImagePosted on December 12, 2014December 10, 2014Author Mark BinderCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags Chanukah, Chelm, latkes

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