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September 10, 2004
The pomegranate dating test
Signs are not about "playing the game," they're about
finding red flags.
DANA GREENE SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH BULLETIN
Have you ever hoped for a sign? Of course, if you have that open
connection to the heavens, all the power to you. However, because
most of us don't, what I'm talking about are the telling signs that
reveal so much about one's personality. These signs can actually
help determine if your date might just play a more significant role
in your life, perhaps help you decide if that person has what you're
looking for in a mate ... or at least the potential. For some, these
signs are called dating tests. And both men and women play willingly
in the game.
"The pomegranate sits in the fruit bowl waiting to be tasted,"
says my friend Carolyn, who's an attractive, blue-eyed brunette
in her mid-20s. One might ask what the fruit does just sitting there,
not being eaten. And why a pomegranate? According to the Midrash,
the pomegranate has 613 seeds – corresponding to the number
of commandments in the Torah. The crown-like shape of the top is
a reason it's associated with Rosh Hashanah. And it signifies beauty,
fertility, joy, love, mitzvot, passion, remembrance, sensuality
and study. So it seems acceptable that it would play another role
as well. For Carolyn, it's also a dating test. Here's a story that
definitely requires an explanation.
"The man who accepts the fruit with a tough reddish rind and
seeds enclosed in juicy, red pulp, you know he's got to be healthy
and a bit of an adventurer," she said. How so? "Well,
the pomegranate happens to be an extremely sensual fruit. Of all
the fruits, it's the one that's associated with love, passion, fire
and intimacy. A man who loves fruit tends to eat healthy food. At
the same time, consuming a pomegranate takes a bit of effort, it's
not the common man's everyday snack," Carolyn concluded.
After talking with Carolyn, I thought a bit more about these so-called
revealing signs. If women look for signs, then probably men do as
well. Late one night, at the trendy restaurant Uno Sushi in Hillcrest,
I was meeting another friend who brought up this same topic. But
this time, it was from a male's perspective.
"I was having lunch at a bistro downtown when a couple at the
table next to me started ordering. The man became terse with the
waitress, even rude," my friend said. "If I had been the
woman on the date, I'd have learned a lot by watching that encounter,"
he said. "I would have learned that this man was impatient,
impolite and lacked compassion. There was no reason for him to act
in this way."
"What are some other telling signs specifically that men use
for women?" I asked.
"As males, we tend to notice how a woman relates to her father,"
he said. "If she has good relations with her dad, then most
likely she has a positive attitude towards men in general. We also
look to see how a woman's mother has aged. If the mom looks good,
then most likely the daughter will age similarly." Really?
Men notice that, too, besides noticing our own looks! But then with
a huge grin he said, "In your case, you have nothing to worry
about. Your mom looks fabulous! You've past that test." Thank
goodness for DNA!
Then I started thinking about other signs, signs I had noticed on
my own. Some men are obsessed with cleanliness. How could they possibly
cope with children? Not to mention dogs? Brindle certainly isn't
messy, but he is an animal after all. And what about the ticket
line at the theatre? I can recall being on a date where the man
became so impatient to purchase the tickets. His demeanor changed
from a sweet fellow to that of Mr. Obnoxious. It was a total embarrassment
to be in his presence.
So what do we make of these signs? What's their purpose? After all,
game playing shouldn't be advocated. But these signs are not about
"playing the game." They're about finding the red flags
before you get too involved in the relationship. It's about not
wasting time with Mr. or Miss Wrong, but, instead, staying focused
on finding Mr. or Miss Right.
Other red flags may include being unable to discuss feelings or
show affection, an inability to discuss his/her past, blaming others
or events for problems in life, not respecting your time and showing
up late with no valid excuse, not trustworthy, too controlling,
exhibiting anger, an inability to commit to relationships, too busy
to listen to your concerns, being in a hurry to get married, showing
addictive behaviors and/or having financial issues.
So, the next time you're offered a pomegranate, think twice about
your response. And remember, the seeds are the best part ... juicy
and meant to be hand-fed. Try it, it's a revealing sign for sure.
Dana Greene is an award-winning columnist based in San
Diego. All singles have a story to tell – what's yours? Contact
Greene at dgreene74@aol.com.
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