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July 7, 2006

Surviving the slumber party

How to keep yourself sane and the kids safe through the night.
SHARON ESTROFF

The first question we must tackle is, Why? Why in a million, trillion years would we – otherwise sane, non-masochistic human beings – voluntarily invite a bunch of overly excited kids into our homes and keep them there for 18 hours straight?

Because from our child's perspective, nothing comes closer to nirvana than being swaddled in a SpongeBob sleeping bag and surrounded by good buddies when the clock strikes midnight.

Being perfectly honest here, there's no way in H-E-double-birthday-candles that we can turn our child's slumber party into a pleasurable parental experience. Rather, we must set our sights on damage control. To that end, here are the top 10 slumber party survival tips.

Don't take the plunge too soon
To avoid unnecessary tears, overtired meltdowns and middle-of-the-night departures, it's generally best to hold off on an official slumber party until your child hits second or third grade. If your under-eight is dead set on an overnight celebration, try a mock sleepover, where pajama-clad guests show up with pillows, blankets and sleeping bags, participate in standard slumber party fare ... and go home by 9 p.m.

Keep it small
It's a proven fact that slumber party chaos exponentially increases with the number of guests. Consequently, it's always better to err on the side of too few kids, rather than too many. (We're also wise to shoot for an even number to help circumvent the odd-man-out dynamic.)

Maintain guest list veto power
I know that what I'm about to say is not very nice, but I'm going to say it anyway: If your parent gut whispers to you that one particular member of your child's guest list is likely to turn into a werewolf during the wee hours, listen to it.

Set a late drop-off and early pick-up time I once brought home five pre-pubescent boys after a half day of school to celebrate my son's 12th birthday. They didn't go home until noon the next day. It was – without exception – the longest 24 hours of my life. To spare yourself a similar fate, schedule a dinnertime drop-off and a breakfast pick-up.

Have a pre-party pow-wow
Within minutes of your all-night guests' arrival, it's absolutely imperative that you gather them together and establish boundaries – both physical and emotional. Using a friendly yet firm tone, clearly outline which parts of the house are off limits, which are fair game and how far they may venture outside. Explain that there will be no teasing, ganging up or exclusion and that yelling and running are strictly outside sports. Finally, state that, although you are certain it won't be necessary, noncompliant guests may need to be sent home early.

Keep your finger on the pulse of the party The key to executing a successful sleepover is keeping tabs on the party vibe – and being prepared with a variety of activity changes should kids start getting cranky, edgy or stir-crazy.

Don't go overboard on the sugar and caffeine
Unless you plan on having your guests run hoops around your house at 2 a.m. to let out their extra energy, it's best to serve caffeine-free drinks and put a cap on the sugar bowls by 9 p.m. If tummies start rumbling for a midnight snack, popcorn is a fun and filling choice.

Designate a separate sleeping area for early-to-bedders
Some kids need more beauty rest than others, so set up a room away from the action where guests who want to hit the hay early can retreat for some shut eye.

Wind them down with a video
When the partiers get ready to settle down (or you reach your wit's end, whichever comes first), have them all crawl into their sleeping bags, turn off the lights and pop in a video. If you choose your movie wisely (nothing too scary or peppy) and luck is on your side, the whole crowd will be crashed by the closing credits.

Stake out middle ground
While we don't want to jam our child's sleepover with back-to-back activities (half the fun of a slumber party is enjoying a touch of abandon), we also don't want it to be a free for all. Here are two sample slumber party themes that strike a healthy balance between structured and unstructured games and activities:

Glow Olympics sleepover: Sports are twice as fun when you play them in the dark. Stock up on glow necklaces, bracelets and sticks (find them at www.orientaltrading.com); glow-in-the-dark footballs and basketballs (find them at sporting goods stores) and let the late-night games and begin! Relays, freeze tag and hide and go seek also make for exciting entertainment for glowing guests.

American Girl slumber party: If your daughter and her friends are hooked on American Girl dolls, invite them and their overpriced – yet lovable – pals to an all-night celebration. Have hairstyling for both girls and dolls and put on an American Girl fashion show. Give guests plain pillow cases and paint pens and let them decorate "sleeping bags" for their miniature buddies. Read a few chapters of an American Girl book as a bedtime story and kiss your guests and their dolls goodnight.

Sharon Duke Estroff is an internationally syndicated Jewish parenting columnist with graduate degrees in education and child psychology, an award-winning Jewish educator and a mother of four. Her first book about Jewish parenting will be released in 2007.

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