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Dec. 16, 2011
Learning to refocus the mind
Here I Am offers Jewish spiritual wisdom for a more healthy life.
BASYA LAYE
The prescription is simple enough. On a stress-filled, overwhelming, no good, very bad day, try taking a deep breath and asking yourself a straightforward question: “Where are you?” Spending a moment with this potentially transformative question, you might consider your station in life, your position or role within your family or, simply, your physical location. However, if what comes up for you is a sense of being scattered or unfocused – a lack of feeling present and in the moment – you might try uttering an ancient phrase to regain your sense of equanimity and focus: Hineini, Here I am.
According to Los Angeles-based psychologist, author and speaker Leonard Felder, hineini is more than a simple linguistic flourish. This word, used by our ancient ancestors in response to a call from God, is said to mark pivotal moments in the biblical narrative, when a simple, “I’m right over here,” might not suffice. In his new book, Here I Am: Using Jewish Spiritual Wisdom to Become More Present, Centred and Available for Life (Trumpeter Books/ Random House, 2011), Felder builds on this phrase and offers practical suggestions on how to make Jewish teachings more useful for modern life, something he’s been doing for close to 30 years in his private practice and as the author of 12 books that have sold one million copies and been translated into 14 languages.
Even though he grew up in a Jewish-inflected environment, Felder didn’t initially incorporate Jewish teachings and concepts into his psychological practice, but the spirit of scientific inquiry and a desire to explore his own spirituality eventually inspired a more holistic approach to psychological treatment.
“I grew up in a family in Detroit that belonged to two congregations, one was traditional and one was liberal. So, I found from an early age that there was more than one answer to any Jewish question,” Felder explained in an e-mail interview with the Independent. “But I learned these Jewish tools for daily living and stress reduction (that are found in Here I Am) as an adult, by studying with numerous rabbis and teachers from all branches of Judaism. I was trained in graduate school not to talk about spirituality or religion with clients but, 25 years ago, when I began to ask therapy clients how they deal with tough moments, many of them admitted that they pray or look for spiritual guidance or teachings. I began to have conversations where I tried to learn what each individual client prefers or doesn’t prefer for tapping into spiritual wisdom during stressful moments and I work with the client to design their own particular version of what feels nourishing and strengthening for that individual. That’s why in the book, Here I Am, I keep encouraging people to find their own words and their own ways of using these Jewish mindfulness methods, which I’ve found can work extremely well for a variety of individuals who have diverse beliefs and backgrounds.”
Teaching spiritually oriented techniques of self-improvement has several advantages for clients, Jewish and non, said Felder, and it intersects with an approach that’s become known popularly as mindfulness, a meditative and psychological practice that encourages deliberative and non-judgmental attention to existing in the present moment. That his methodology has a deeply Jewish backdrop is not by accident.
“As I describe in Here I Am, a variety of Jewish teachers for many centuries have given us wonderful tools and insights about how to be more present, centred, focused and strong during hectic days and tough moments. Unfortunately, most of us don’t get taught these excellent tools in our religious education or in our families,” said Felder. “So, for most Jews, their Jewishness is about bagels, lox, pride, history and arguing, but if people can reconnect with this very useful Jewish wisdom on how to breathe, refocus, wake up your energy and bring out your best self during tough moments, they will be pleased at how wise and effective these Jewish methods are.”
Felder’s approach is highly interactive, one with which readers of Here I Am will become instantly familiar. “I try to be honest and be a co-partner with the counseling client, where we explore together what’s helping and what’s not helping,” Felder explained. “It’s very two-way and conversational. I love to help couples learn how to juggle work, family, couples time and solo time. I enjoy discovering the complexity and diversity of each human being who comes into counseling to get some support for dealing with genuine tough situations. It almost always feels like a gift to be able to journey with people through their intense lives.”
Split up into eight chapters corresponding to eight “easy-to-understand … stress-reduction and mind-focusing methods,” Here I Am begins with the hineini phrase, and moves through a series of powerful re-centring methods, each inspired by Jewish teachings, blessings, phrases and concepts. Each chapter has a Putting This Into Practice section that offers a specific exercise that readers can try on their own, reinforcing the concept and its applications. He also offers information on some of the neurological bases that can explain some of the positive effects of these practices.
Felder’s approach will also resonate for those who study mussar, or the Jewish spiritual practice of working on one’s character traits, as his Jewish mindfulness methodology overlaps in many respects, though its path is less circumscribed.
“Mussar … goes hand-in-hand with the mindfulness methods I describe in Here I Am. My wife and my son teach me daily about whether I need to do more work on being more patient and micromanaging less. For many years, I have been utilizing a daily mussar practice and I attend a weekly class/group discussion with my rabbi, where we keep going deeper into how to grow and learn one day at a time from our human complexities. I think that working on one’s characters traits and being more present and centred are the keys to having good relationships and a good life. I’m so glad that Alan Morinis [in Vancouver] and others have made Jewish teachings about working on our character traits so accessible and understandable.”
The response of readers and the spiritual community to Here I Am has been enthusiastic, even for those who haven’t been satisfied with their spiritual education thus far. And Felder reaches a wide and diverse audience. He has won several awards, including the Distinguished Merit Citation of the National Conference of Community and Justice for developing programs to combat sexism, homophobia, racism and religious prejudice, and he has a healthy speaking career. According to his bio, he has been asked to lead discussions on the connection between Jewish texts and daily psychological dilemmas at countless synagogues, Jewish book fairs, churches and interfaith events across the United States, and he has been featured on more than 200 radio and television programs, including Oprah, The Today Show, CNN, National Public Radio, Canada AM and others. He has also written more than 50 articles and been a guest blogger on jewcy.com. The discussions around Here I Am have been lively, as Felder has been traveling to promote the book.
“There have been large crowds and wonderful discussions at each of the 12 cities where I’ve gone so far,” he said. “The surprise has been that each time I speak, I ask the crowd, ‘How many of you went to religious school when you were younger?’ Ninety percent of the hands go up. Then I ask, ‘How many of you learned some tools for dealing with stressful moments?’ Less than five percent of the hands go up. I’m finding with both Jews and non-Jews that we have a longing for quick, effective tools for dealing with our hectic lives, but very few of us were exposed to the wonderful Jewish methods that are quite easy to learn.”
Felder believes his approach is beneficial to even those clients and/or readers who don’t feel particularly spiritually inclined. “Most people want to explore with a caring listener about the ‘big picture’ or the ‘search for meaning and purpose,’ but I am very careful not to impose anything on a client, especially if they are ‘allergic’ to religion or spirituality. So, I just explore with them how they deal with questions of meaning and purpose, or how they deal with feelings of overwhelm or stress. Quite often there are people who say they don’t believe but they also feel ‘connected to the mystery of life’ when they are gardening, doing something creative, or walking in nature, or taking care of a loved one. We build on those moments of ‘feeling connected to the flow of life’ without getting into a debate about what to believe or not believe.”
Felder’s book and the rest of his corpus likely appear on the self-help and pop-psychology shelf at bookstores and libraries, along with other self-improvement books that take a specific interest in mindfulness, including those published by the father of modern mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn. To Felder, this proliferation is a positive development. “I am glad that many people are seeking tools for being more mindful, compassionate and being less reactive and harsh in daily interactions. The book Here I Am is a gentle, non-dogmatic way to learn eight very effective tools for mindfulness that come from Jewish teachings but can help a person no matter what he or she believes.”
Felder has a knack for catchy titles and certainly noticeable is his 2003 book, When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People. At this time of year, the stress of the holidays – Chanukah included – can drive the most calm among us to have negative interactions with those near and dear. In many of his books, Felder offers prescriptions for dealing with interpersonal relationships with those whom we might have clashing agendas and personalities and values.
“In the chapter about difficult people in Here I Am and in the earlier book, I explore how to learn something valuable and useful from each stressful encounter with a not-very-caring person. It might be that we realize, ‘Wow, that is a great example of exactly how I don’t want to treat my own loved ones.’ Or it might be a moment of realizing some under-developed part of your own self, such as, ‘My self-absorbed relative knows how to ask for his or her needs (but is way too over-the-top and demanding). What if I took a few moments to read a chapter or talked to someone about how to ask for my own needs without being as harsh or insensitive as this other person?’ Or it might be a chance to practise setting limits lovingly, where this noodgey person requires us to say ‘No’ several times in a caring but firm way.”
In many ways, what Felder recommends comes back to that most basic of practices he describes in the first pages of Here I Am. “Learning how to stop in the middle of a frazzled moment and take 10-60 seconds to ask yourself lovingly, ‘Where are you’ and to then say with renewed energy, ‘Hineini, Here I am,’ I find with many people that it wakes up the creative, positive, expansive part of the brain and you quickly feel more alive and able to deal with tough situations,” he writes.
For those wanting to facilitate more conversation or a deeper inquiry on the tools and practices described in Here I Am, Felder also has included a discussion guide at the back of the book, which offers questions for further exploration to be used in a discussion group or class, or as a solo exploration of each method.
The tools that are offered in this book are, indeed, easy to use. However, they require discipline to implement and a commitment to self-exploration and an openness to Jewish wisdom that comes from those who are seeking a more peaceful and focused existence. For those who are already lucky enough to have had access to a Jewish education, Here I Am can offer a wholly new perspective on our own wisdom tradition.
“I am the child of a Holocaust survivor and I always wondered what would keep the Jewish people alive and healthy,” explained Felder of his drive. “I’m hopeful that, if we Jews keep learning how to utilize and grow from the beautiful wisdom of various Jewish teachings, we will truly be able to embrace the joy and appreciation of life like never before.”
For more information on how to use Jewish mindfulness methods for daily growth and refocusing during stressful moments, visit hereiamremedies.com.
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