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December 5, 2003
Rabbi and cantor legally wed
Los Angeles men make a special journey north for their ceremony.
PAT JOHNSON SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH BULLETIN
Vancouver was the site for an historic marriage Nov. 26 as a Los
Angeles couple exchanged vows in a ceremony marking the union of
two men – one a rabbi, the other a cantor – in legal and
religious matrimony.
Since a British Columbia court decision legalized same-gender marriage
in this province, Rabbi David Mivasair, spiritual leader of Ahavat
Olam Congregation, has received several telephone inquiries from
American Jews seeking a religious and legal marriage in Canada.
Mivasair does not perform marriages except between two Jews, so
some of the callers were not eligible for his services. But when
he received a call from Rabbi Don Goor, a Reform rabbi who was Mivasair's
study partner at yeshivah in Jerusalem, the Vancouver rabbi was
thrilled to officiate.
Goor was married to Cantor Evan Kent in their hotel suite at the
Pacific Pallisades Hotel on Robson Street, in a room filled with
flowers and balloons, overlooking the twinkling lights of Vancouver.
The couple exchanged vows before a small group of friends. The pair
will have a larger celebration in Los Angeles, including a second
part of the marriage tradition. Religiously, the ceremony was the
first step in an ancient two-part process, involving a tenaim,
a sort of pre-nuptial agreement of intent to wed, which will be
followed later by a ketubah, the actual religious document
declaring a couple married. Legally, the process Goor and Kent underwent
in Vancouver makes them officially married under British Columbia
law, a fact that, at present at least, has no legal bearing in the
United States.
The couple has been together for 18 years and received nothing but
support from their respective congregations.
"People felt like it was about time," said Goor. When
they realized they could wed in Canada, Goor knew exactly who to
call: the Reconstructionist-ordained Mivasair with whom he had studied
Talmud in Jerusalem during a sabbatical a couple of years ago.
They thought carefully about having a chuppah here in Vancouver,
but decided instead to save that aspect for the conclusion of their
marriage process surrounded by friends and family in Los Angeles.
The thoughts of family, friends and congregants were close by during
the Vancouver ceremony, though. Flowers, champagne, gifts and happy
wishes were sent to the couple from across the United States to
help them celebrate. Kent said the experience was deeply moving
and confirmed what he and other clergy commonly tell marrying congregants.
"You cross some metaphysical barrier," said the cantor.
Becoming a married couple, even if they had to travel 1,000 miles
to do so, is a source of joy and pride, said Kent.
"This is a dream beyond what we dreamed," he said, adding
that he is proud of Canada for permitting them the right to marry
and sees a similar trend in America's future.
"When more and more of us do this," he said. "You
can't sort of roll it back."
As for critics of gay marriage within the Jewish community, Kent
said he respects their opinions, but doesn't have much to do with
them in the course of his ordinary life. In terms of what Kent and
Goor call the "Levitical" arguments – the biblical
interdictions against same-sex relations – they say gay marriage
is merely a recognition of changing social conditions, just as nobody
accepts that the fair treatment of disobedient sons is to take them
outside the city walls and stone them to death, as the Bible dictates.
"At one point, 20 years ago, when I was first coming out, those
arguments made me wince," acknowledged Kent. He said he now
has a thicker hide and also sees gay marriage within the tradition
of a theology of love and caring that transcends gender and the
ill-will of opponents.
This was the second gay marriage Mivasair has officiated, the first
being for a Vancouver couple earlier this year. The rabbi noted
he performs such ceremonies with the "full, enthusiastic support
of his entire congregation," who he said are as proud of the
ceremonies as is he.
"I feel like I am part of an agent for God's will being done,"
Mivasair said of officiating at the wedding. "It's tikkun olam.
Bringing together holy sparks, little fragments of the divine presence
in the world, that have been separate and they are meant to be together
and I've been very privileged to be a catalyst or agent in the process.
I feel the same way when it's a man and a woman, but legal recognition
of same-sex marriage has been waiting to happen for a long time."
Pat Johnson is a native Vancouverite, a journalist and
commentator.
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