Make the choice to help out<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Joanne Seiff<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took my twin teenagers to the pediatrician\u2019s office for a checkup on a Friday morning. When they were born, we three had complicated health issues. We were \u201cfrequent flyers\u201d when it came to medical appointments. Things have improved but those years left their mark on me. Health is something we often take for granted. However, seeing the physical charts in the new medical resident\u2019s hands and being asked for detailed information after all these years was hard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think it\u2019s lucky my kids cannot remember most of it. Honestly, I can\u2019t either. Neither kid slept through the night until they were 4-and-a-half years old. Chunks of time are gone from my memory, due to sleep deprivation or because I blocked it out. In the past, my husband came to these appointments partly because he could remember things I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Around the same time, my teens reported that some of my far away relatives saw us (the parents) as uptight and grouchy. These aren\u2019t flattering descriptions, but I\u2019m OK with it. We have no family living in Canada. The people commenting lived in another country. They were never close enough to help when we struggled through surgeries and serious challenges like illness. Our many chore routines and schedules kept our household afloat. If we parents were grouchy, well, we had reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The mundane tasks, like running the dishwasher after dinner every night and emptying it before bed, or doing at least one load of laundry a day, kept things functioning. In a way, our organized Jewish spaces \u2013 synagogues, schools and community centres \u2013 require the same kind of vigilance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine, for instance, planning High Holiday services, big Jewish lifecycle events, or weekly Shabbat services, minyans or classes. Here\u2019s what some of a synagogue\u2019s High Holiday service checklist might include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Some congregations sell tickets, seats or registrations to raise money to support the facility, keep track of attendance and ensure security and safety. Administrative staff take on this responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Weeks in advance, the clergy are already thinking about learning or teaching liturgy or new music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 The choir and\/or cantor practise those pieces of music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 The clergy write sermons, as well as perhaps helping board members or congregants write a Torah drash<\/em> (commentary) or talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 Many congregants are offered aliyot,<\/em> or honours. This list must be curated, along with communication with each of these individuals<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 The building and sanctuary must be clean, orderly and ready with the right prayer books, signs and information, if there is a seating chart. (Thank you, custodial staff!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 People need to volunteer. Those volunteers must attend an orientation, so they know how to greet you, take tickets, help in emergencies, help people find their seats, do the accessibility subtitles for the hearing impaired and keep disruptions due to conversations to a minimum and keep roaming children safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 A system needs to be in place, with supportive clergy, appropriate prayerbooks, helpers and resources to support childcare or a family-oriented prayer service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 Wherever you live in the diaspora, we need police or security guards on duty to keep everyone safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 For many congregations, technology systems and experts are at work, so that microphones, screens and subtitles function, and everyone can hear what\u2019s happening. In a more traditional environment without amplification, work still needs to be done to ensure that HVAC systems and other factors don\u2019t keep attendees from hearing the service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 The shofar blowers and Torah readers need a schedule. Many congregations with minyans have shofar blowing happening every day during Elul and, of course, on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, if it isn\u2019t on Shabbat. Are all the participants in the service lined up with times and dates to attend?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2022 Some congregations provide food and drink to those running services, volunteers, diabetics, children or others who cannot fast. Nearly every congregation offers juice or a snack after Yom Kippur ends, as a quick break fast. Is the food ready? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe you\u2019re a laidback person with local family support, whose family members never get sick or have any obstacles. You might not think in advance about how you might manage a surgery or learning challenge. Similarly, if you only attend a congregation a few days a year, you might never consider what goes into making services, including the High Holidays, happen and the people who work so hard to enable your observance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The thing is, though, most of us eventually have a family illness or death. You might have a happy lifecycle event, too, like a bar mitzvah, wedding or big anniversary. You might want to have ethnically and religiously appropriate support for that. This is when you\u2019d need to rely on your synagogue and Jewish community. To have that support when you need it though, the synagogue and community must exist 365 days a year, with routines, rules and structures. Nobody wants to invent or fund infrastructure, ritual or routine during a desperate time. Trust me, we didn\u2019t \u2013 and, without support in place, things can go wrong quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After we left the doctor\u2019s office, we went to a nearby bakery for pastries. Seeing those telephone book-thick medical charts again, years later, was jarring. At home, I sobbed at the lunch table, in front of my kids. Maybe it was the sugar from the sweets, or maybe the trauma from years of health challenges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, I took a deep breath. I calmed down and listed what we needed to do to get ready for Shabbat. My teens jumped into action. Together, we created a fantastic meal, with smoked fish, cheese, challah, multiple salads and pickles \u2013 perfect for a warm, summer Friday night. For us, it is also those routine details and systems that keep us afloat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Managing twin infants when mom and babies are sick or running a huge event like the High Holidays is a lot. Before criticizing or belittling someone (grouchy? uptight?) over some small detail, think again. During the holidays, imagine being in the shoes of the clergy, administrators, custodians, childcare professionals and volunteers. Imagine all the details. Would you be able to do it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Think and act with compassion when you see how hard others work to bring you a meaningful Jewish holiday experience or a weekday minyan. Reconsider your judgment. Consider instead how you can contribute and help others. Don\u2019t wait until someone is struggling, in tears, with that enormous medical chart. In 5787, make a choice to help out. Volunteer. Donate. Show up. Share the joys \u2013 and the burden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Joanne Seiff<\/strong> has written regularly for the Winnipeg Free Press and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. Check her out on Instagram @yrnspinner<\/a> or at joanneseiff.blogspot.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Make the choice to help out Joanne Seiff I took my twin teenagers to the pediatrician\u2019s office for a checkup on a Friday morning. When they were born, we three had complicated health issues. We were \u201cfrequent flyers\u201d when it came to medical appointments. Things have improved but those years left their mark on me. 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