Imagine being in a meeting where everyone is asked to set \u201creach\u201d goals for the next season. How about those self-help gurus who invite you to visualize your ultimate success? Perhaps there\u2019s a social media post where you\u2019re invited to dream, with reels of beautiful drivers in fancy cars, enormous luxury estates and vacations in exotic locales.<\/p>\n
I was once part of an online writing group that emphasized setting goals. This included how many words you\u2019d write a day, where you\u2019d sell your work and how much you would earn. They repeated a refrain: \u201cWriting is a positive addiction.\u201d I retained a healthy cynicism about it all, but the thing I actually fell for was an exercise where you drew the cover of the book you were creating.<\/p>\n
I drew the cover of the novel manuscript I was writing. Now, I\u2019m happy to say that, since then, I\u2019ve published books (all non-fiction) and articles with reputable publishers. I once won a fiction short story contest. I\u2019m an actual writer and get paid for my work. I\u2019m proud of this achievement! It\u2019s also a real milestone for many who start out as grade school scribblers.<\/p>\n
But, despite many attempts, I never sold that novel manuscript. Those who read it said it was good \u2013 but it remains unpublished. That book cover I posted above my desk for motivation makes me feel embarrassed. Who did I think I was? It\u2019s hard for me to let go of my goals and cut myself a break. I held myself accountable.<\/p>\n
This feeling of shame grew when I had a family because, as anyone with kids knows, it\u2019s hard to make solid promises when dependents are in the picture. Even with family, spousal and childcare support, things can happen. The pandemic reminded us all that we have much less control over our lives than we thought. Sick kids happen. My children\u2019s needs will always come before my work. There are no guarantees that you\u2019ll always meet that deadline or reach the goals you set.<\/p>\n
All this came to mind as I studied the Babylonian Talmud tractate Nedarim<\/em> (Vows) and got to daf<\/em> (page) 9. Nedarim is all about how to understand a vow, which, in Judaism, is taken very seriously. The rabbis explore definitions of how a vow works. Even though I\u2019d never been taught these texts directly before, I have always hesitated to promise things that perhaps I can\u2019t deliver. Just as we should not \u201cswear\u201d to things, we shouldn\u2019t even promise anything if we think something might come up.<\/p>\n In Nedarim 9b, there\u2019s a question about making a vow when it comes to bringing an offering. This itself could be strange, as the rabbis in the Gemara are reflecting on a time they never experienced. Very few of these rabbis were alive before the destruction of the Temple. They\u2019re still concerned with the protocol of bringing an offering there, just in case the Temple is rebuilt. The real lesson is in how it\u2019s theoretically done, even if no one\u2019s ever making a physical offering again.<\/p>\n A person shouldn\u2019t make a vow to bring an offering, the Gemara says, because \u201cperhaps he will encounter a stumbling block\u201d that would violate the prohibition against delaying. That delay would interfere with fulfilling the vow. Further, it\u2019s a bad idea to designate a specific animal for the offering in advance because, again, something might happen to it. For instance, say it is a sheep, but it\u2019s shorn by someone by accident. Perhaps someone works with a consecrated animal in some way when he shouldn\u2019t. This is a misuse of a consecrated animal, and it\u2019s prohibited. The animal can no longer be used as an offering.<\/p>\n Then, a story is told about Hillel the Elder. No one ever misused his offering. Why? He would bring it to the Temple courtyard unconsecrated. Only after he arrived, would he consecrate it. Then he\u2019d place his hand on its head and slaughter it. There was no opportunity for misuse.<\/p>\n Upon reading this, I better understood my hesitancy in terms of big goals. The generations of parents who said to their children \u201cWe\u2019ll see\u201d rather than promising things? This made good sense. The rabbis understood the concern that sometimes even sure things fall through.<\/p>\n Some traditionally religious Jews say \u201cbli neder<\/em>,\u201d or \u201cwithout a vow,\u201d when committing to something. It means \u2013 I\u2019ll try to the best of my abilities, but I\u2019m not making a serious vow. I\u2019ve never used this, but it has such power. Yes, we all want to reach milestones and accomplish huge things. Absolutely! However, it can be heartbreaking when we don\u2019t quite get there, even if we have valid reasons for why we didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n It can be anti-climactic to be like Hillel the Elder. After all, there was no announcement, anticipation or build up for him around his vows. It was very low key.<\/p>\n I remembered something similar that happened long ago, when I was an undergraduate. Friends doing science degrees would plan big parties after their last exams, bar-hopping and celebrating when the semester ended. I often had only one or two exams. Mostly, I wrote many final papers in my dorm room. With stacks of books everywhere, I\u2019d write alone at my computer each morning. Then, I\u2019d print the paper, walk across campus and put it in a professor\u2019s mailbox. That was it. When the last paper was finished, boom, end of my semester. No big announcement or party followed. I packed up by myself and traveled home.<\/p>\n Sometimes Jewish texts can be hard to connect to, because the issues seem old, irrelevant or don\u2019t include me as a woman. This time, though, I was right there with the rabbis\u2019 stumbling blocks and the low-key anti-climax of Hillel the Elder. I wish that everyone could hit those big reach goals and fulfil their aspirations \u2013 but perhaps we might not voice them as promises ahead of time. According to the rabbis, that quieter approach is entirely OK, too.<\/p>\n Joanne Seiff<\/strong> has written regularly for CBC Manitoba and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including <\/em>From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. Check her out on Instagram @yrnspinner<\/a> or at joanneseiff.blogspot.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Imagine being in a meeting where everyone is asked to set \u201creach\u201d goals for the next season. How about those self-help gurus who invite you to visualize your ultimate success? Perhaps there\u2019s a social media post where you\u2019re invited to dream, with reels of beautiful drivers in fancy cars, enormous luxury estates and vacations in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[218,8302,2231],"class_list":["post-39987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-op-ed","tag-judaism","tag-lifestyle","tag-talmud"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39987"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39987\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}