{"id":37846,"date":"2021-11-19T01:18:36","date_gmt":"2021-11-19T09:18:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=37846"},"modified":"2021-11-18T16:51:53","modified_gmt":"2021-11-19T00:51:53","slug":"a-death-well-planned-an-excerpt-from-anne-of-oasis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2021\/11\/19\/a-death-well-planned-an-excerpt-from-anne-of-oasis\/","title":{"rendered":"A death well-planned \u2013 an excerpt from Anne of Oasis"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"image<\/a>In A<\/em>nne of Oasis, drawing on my many years as a physician psychotherapist, I tell the detailed, fictional story of what goes on in the therapy room when an eccentric, 70-year-old is obsessed with changing her life \u2013 or ending it. Anne bumbles through what she views as mysterious rituals with the therapist, explores secrets, re-jigs behaviours and, five years later, finds bliss. Here is the final chapter.<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Chapter 26: June 2008<\/strong><\/p>\n

For two years, Doug heard sporadically from his mother and continued his requests for pearls. She made it clear to him and his brother she wasn\u2019t coming out to Kelowna anymore. They occasionally visited her in Toronto, or in Golden, where she was staying with Eleanor for longer and longer periods of time.<\/p>\n

When he received the phone call from a Toronto hospital, Doug asked if she\u2019d fallen and busted her hip. They said it was more than that. They had found her unconscious on the street in Toronto with no ID, except for a piece of paper with Doug\u2019s number on it as her next of kin. They admitted her as an Unknown Person<\/em> and she was failing fast. If he wanted to see her alive, he had better come quickly.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know what to do. He had promised to be there if she needed him for assistance in dying peacefully, but this was different. Yet how could he leave her to die on her own?<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s still your mother,\u201d his wife offered.<\/p>\n

He flew out as soon as he could. He arrived at the Toronto General Hospital, where Admitting confirmed there was no patient by the name of Anne Bishop. But a woman had been admitted as an Unknown Person<\/em>. Doug wandered the halls searching for his mother.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was moved to a different floor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s in ICU.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s not in ICU.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finally, he stepped into the Cardiac ICU and in the corner he saw a pile of breathing bones. Tube in mouth, IV in arm, sas-sas-sas<\/em> of a respirator. Unknown Person<\/em> at the foot of the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this her?\u201d he asked the nurse at the desk.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was found with only this slip of paper on her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my name and number.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe apparently suffered a sudden, massive heart attack on the street.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Doug approached the bed, he recognized the bony lumps on her hands, the chewed-up fingernails, the crepe skin. It was definitely Mum. He gasped. His eyes filled, the lump in his throat tightened. He turned and rushed to the nursing station.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, can the tubes be removed? She didn\u2019t want heroics.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe barely know her name. We can\u2019t follow any directives without proper ID and signed papers detailing her wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took off uptown to retrieve the Dying With Dignity papers his mother had been talking about for years.<\/p>\n

Stepping into his mother\u2019s house, it felt haunted, full of yesterday\u2019s glory<\/em>. Dust everywhere. Her clothes neatly stashed, but neglect inhabited the place. He walked from room to room, observing photos everywhere \u2013 on window ledges, on kitchen counters, on the bedside table. Pictures of Jesse and Catherine and Doug and Bruce and Pam and Sue in every combination. Sitting next to each image was a shiny rock or pebble. He picked up each clear Plexiglass frame and stared. He was shocked to see how she surrounded herself with family. He began to sob.<\/p>\n

He found the papers in the second drawer of his grandmother\u2019s mahogany desk, exactly where his mother had said they\u2019d be. Everything was perfectly organized and signed. He grabbed the requisite forms, glanced around at the family photos and returned to the hospital. They removed the tubes.<\/p>\n

He returned to the house for a few hours\u2019 sleep and arrived back at the hospital next morning, to find she had again sprouted pipes. The staff explained that overnight she had taken a turn for the worse and they tried to save her.<\/p>\n

Angrily showing them the papers again, he repeated her wish to die quietly, and they removed the tubes a second time. He wrapped Mum in her favourite turquoise velour blanket he had brought from her home, took her in his arms and held her exactly as she held him as a sick boy on the farm. He noticed a flicker of a smile cross her face, then she took her last breath.<\/p>\n

Just then, Eleanor appeared.<\/p>\n

Through their tears, Doug and Eleanor awkwardly made their way to her house together. They expected to start planning how to say goodbye to Anne. But she beat them to it. She had detailed her every wish. They simply had to fulfil them.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what?\u201d Doug asked. \u201cShe knew what she was doing all those years ago around Dying With Dignity. We thought she was nuts, but it\u2019s sure helping us now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was utterly determined in every aspect of her life,\u201d Eleanor replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think we should do with the rocks? My brother thinks we should pitch them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe schlepped them home from every spot she ever visited. Each and every one was special to her,\u201d Eleanor sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think we should leave some at the cemetery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because Doug knew Mum hated missing appointments, he searched in her handwritten, dog-eared address book for Dr. C\u2019s number.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d Dr. C responded when he told her the news.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s odd speaking to you in person after hearing about you for so long,\u201d Doug said. \u201cI\u2019m happy to hear your voice. I need to tell you how important you were to my mother. Thank you for helping her.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was still difficult to deal with, but she seemed a lot happier. I also want to thank you for all the pearls of wisdom I received second-hand. Mum loved sharing them and they have been extremely helpful in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe will all miss her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs per her wishes, we are having a funeral service tomorrow afternoon at 2 p.m. at the Mount Pleasant Cemetery. We would be honoured if you would come.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you. It would be a privilege. I\u2019ll see you there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tuesday afternoon, at 2 p.m., under a blistering sun, Doug, Eleanor and Dr. C, along with a handful of grey-haired men and women, gathered as they lowered the casket into the ground. Doug pulled out a heavy purple velvet Crown Royal bag and spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I called Dr. C to notify her of Mum\u2019s death, I asked what we could do with the stones Mum collected on her travels. She informed me that according to Jewish tradition, leaving a stone on a loved one\u2019s grave signifies you have been to visit. Because of Mum\u2019s lifelong appreciation of all things Jewish, placing stones on her grave would be a mitzvah, or a blessed act of kindness.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am honoured to ask each of you to dig into this bag, which held my marbles as a kid, to take out a pebble and place it on Mum\u2019s final resting place.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears rolled down his face. Doug held the bag open. Eleanor, Dr. C and the others lined up. One by one they removed a rock and placed it on the earth as it was shovelled onto the casket.<\/p>\n

For more information, visit sharonbaltman.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Anne of Oasis, drawing on my many years as a physician psychotherapist, I tell the detailed, fictional story of what goes on in the therapy room when an eccentric, 70-year-old is obsessed with changing her life \u2013 or ending it. Anne bumbles through what she views as mysterious rituals with the therapist, explores secrets, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[784],"tags":[2219,21025,21027,21026,2864],"class_list":["post-37846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books","tag-aging","tag-anne-of-oasis","tag-dying-with-dignity","tag-estate-planning","tag-health"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37846"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37846\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}