A friend of mine is an essential grocery store worker. Her colleagues are a mix of international newcomers, along with a sampling of Canadian-born workers. This Canadian friend\u2019s favourite colleagues are often the immigrants from elsewhere, who are trying hard to be kind and helpful to one another. The most difficult ones, often those born in Canada, she describes as the \u201cmean girls.\u201d It\u2019s the kind of exclusionary, popular crowd many of us faced in middle or high school \u2026 not a fun work environment.<\/p>\n
I tried to be comforting about the upcoming shift with the mean girls, but I have faced some of this myself. I\u2019d pushed it to the back of my mind but now I wondered, was I also battling the sad adolescent feelings of being excluded or harassed by the in-crowd?<\/p>\n
Like most of us during the pandemic, I\u2019ve felt moments of isolation and loneliness and, as a parent, being overwhelmed. One warm morning, while walking the dog and twins (because, while I may feel lonely, as a mom these days, I\u2019m rarely alone!), we saw that a neighbour had left out items to be picked up by a charity. On the walkway was a Singer treadle sewing machine. I just about swooned \u2013 as did my kids. They saw a summer sewing rehab project. We returned home and went out on the familiar route with our red wagon so the kids could play. We rang the doorbell to ask about the sewing machine, but got no answer. We wondered if the neighbours were home, so we walked around to the back lane. We faced only a big garage.<\/p>\n
Next to this house was another friendly, older neighbour\u2019s home with an apple tree. We often pick up the fallen apples, and pick the tree, making apple chips and sauce. We give the neighbour homemade applesauce and donate the rest to the foodbank. We paused, examining the tree (few apples this year due to frost and drought) and discussing it.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, an expensive car came out of the garage behind us. We asked about the sewing machine. The woman told us disdainfully that she was already late for an appointment. She told me it would cost me $200 cash (but she was giving it away to charity?) when I offered the $60 in my pocket. She drove off in a pique. I felt shame \u2013 but my kids, while disappointed, raced up the sidewalk with the wagon. We played instead, while I hatched a plan.<\/p>\n
In the meantime, I saw a social media announcement. Invitations had been sent to a new private Jewish women\u2019s professional networking group to which I\u2019d applied. \u201cHurray!\u201d The announcement touted, \u201cYou were all accepted, check your email!\u201d Except, when I checked \u2013 and re-checked \u2013 my email, I hadn\u2019t gotten any acceptance email. Maybe there was a snafu? Nope. I wasn\u2019t invited. Another thing where I wasn\u2019t actually eligible for the cool club.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the Jewish lesson in all this?<\/p>\n
On one hand, we\u2019re all part of a big family, starting with Avraham Avinu<\/em>, or Abraham, our father, as my kids learn in school. We\u2019re meant to look out for one another, supporting, networking and treating one another with love.<\/p>\n On the other hand, there\u2019s this situation I just read in Tractate Sukkah, on page 38a, where the rabbis question what it means if a Jewish man cannot read and a Canaanite slave, a woman, or a minor was reciting Hallel (prayers of thanksgiving done on festivals) on his behalf. The man must repeat every word to make it valid. Then the Mishnah says, \u201cAnd may a curse come to him\u201d (for being so ignorant) and the Gemara clarifies, explaining that a son can recite for his father, a slave can recite for his master and a woman may recite a blessing on behalf of her husband, but \u201cthe sages said: \u2018May a curse come to a man who, due to his ignorance, requires his wife and children to recite a blessing on his behalf.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Here we are again!\u00a0 There\u2019s a message of belonging and obligation, as well as an opportunity to shame, curse or embarrass someone who might have less knowledge or power. Is this the Jewish way to behave?<\/p>\n I returned again to this because, well, I\u2019m still wandering the neighbourhood with my kids. It\u2019s still lonely, but, today, we had a triumph.<\/p>\n I remembered which charity picked up the Singer sewing machine. Winnipeg isn\u2019t such a big place. I sent them an email, describing where and when it was picked up. Lo and behold, they tracked down the neighbour\u2019s discarded sewing machine, which they tested. It worked perfectly. We went to the downtown nonprofit\u2019s shop. It took me several tries to find the person I\u2019d been emailing, but, when I did, she rolled out the truly fine antique sewing machine in its wooden cabinet. She showed it off to me.<\/p>\n I happily paid $150 to support the charity\u2019s work to claim it. The loading dock workers joked to my husband. They found these all the time! If I wanted more, they\u2019d love to help!<\/p>\n This journey took the sewing machine back home, just a block away from where it used to live. But I can\u2019t rewind time to fix that uncomfortable interaction with the neighbour. I can\u2019t erase the mean girl experiences in my friend\u2019s work life or magically get accepted into the \u201cvery best\u201d Jewish networking circles. However, I can turn these experiences upside down.<\/p>\n The sewing machine incident offered an opportunity to use my research skills and donate to a good cause. My friend found solace, during her cashier shift, in the other employees, who acknowledged what was happening and cheered her on. She got a chance to hug a cancer-survivor friend during the shift. Last but not least, another butcher colleague alerted her that some steak was going on sale so she could afford to buy it to feed her teenagers.<\/p>\n It\u2019s true that our rabbinic tradition acknowledges curses as commonplace and shaming as acceptable. Yet, when we make amends this year and pray for a good 5782, we can try to turn that message on its head. We\u2019re all children of Abraham. Let\u2019s, as my friend suggested, \u201clay on the love,\u201d kindness and inclusivity, even when there are prime insider opportunities to ostracize others.<\/p>\n Make a donation, network with newcomers or outsiders, and choose to treat others as beloved family.<\/p>\n Wishing you blessings and not curses! Wishing you a happy, healthy and meaningful new year, from my house to yours.<\/p>\n Joanne Seiff <\/strong>has written regularly for CBC Manitoba and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including <\/em>From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. Check her out on Instagram @yrnspinner<\/a> or at joanneseiff.blogspot.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A friend of mine is an essential grocery store worker. Her colleagues are a mix of international newcomers, along with a sampling of Canadian-born workers. 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