{"id":34616,"date":"2020-04-03T03:29:15","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T10:29:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=34616"},"modified":"2020-04-02T15:15:00","modified_gmt":"2020-04-02T22:15:00","slug":"importance-of-this-tradition-thing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2020\/04\/03\/importance-of-this-tradition-thing\/","title":{"rendered":"Importance of this tradition thing"},"content":{"rendered":"

Passover traditions like the seder connect family and friends, and remind us who we are. (photo from flickr.com<\/a>)<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know I read an article somewhere that the greatest number of suicides happen on holidays,\u201d Naomi said to her mother.<\/p>\n

Rebecca ignored her. \u201cJust keep lining the shelves.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it makes sense, truly it does. Why are we taking this perfectly clean kitchen apart and practically rebuilding it? Does it say anywhere in the Bible that you go straight to hell if you don\u2019t drop with exhaustion the week before Pesach?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is the way my mother did it, and her mother did it, and one day you\u2019ll do it for your kids, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re kidding yourself. If you think I\u2019d ever inflict all this work on my daughter, you\u2019re crazy. And why doesn\u2019t Joe have to help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe will. He\u2019ll kosher the stove and the sinks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s another thing. Two minutes with a blowtorch and then he\u2019ll pour a kettle of water. Big deal. And Dad doesn\u2019t even do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe conducts the seder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnother big deal. We take the place apart, vacuum chairs and wash curtains and change over dishes, not to mention 40 kilos of kneidl and all that stuff that gives you indigestion. What am I saying, indigestion? All those eggs \u2013 you\u2019re probably giving us a gift of coronary heart disease. Jesus!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNaomi, stop it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sick of it. I want to escape like Faye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca\u2019s lips tightened. \u201cFagie\u2019s coming to the seder, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

But Naomi was not to be sidetracked. \u201cFagie, what a name! No wonder she rebelled. Naomi and Joseph, they\u2019re bad enough. But Fagie, what were you thinking of?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a good Jewish name. I was thinking of my grandmother. If you and your sister could have known her, you\u2019d understand. The least I could do was keep her name alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

The spotless refrigerator was being polished within an inch of its life. Naomi sat down and watched her mother.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought Passover celebrated freedom from slavery. But every year, you become a slave and you make me one, too. If you think you\u2019re giving me wonderful memories, forget it. As soon as I can leave home, I will. Faye told me the best thing about marriage was being able to run her house like the 20th century. Now we\u2019re in the 21st, for chrissake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hate it when you talk like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo tough. All those profanities. What happened to femininity?\u201d she asked her daughter sadly.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeminism came along, only you\u2019ve never heard of it. Dad and Joe get out of everything \u2019cos they\u2019re men. You\u2019re the biggest chauvinist ever, because you not only condone this status quo, you actually perpetuate it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca sighed. \u201cYou don\u2019t understand. Neither does Fagie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou bet we don\u2019t. Here, I\u2019ve lined the last bloody shelf. I\u2019m going out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut, as in O-U-T.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen will you be back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I had my way, it\u2019d be around May or June \u2013 after Pesach.\u201d She slammed the door. Rebecca heard the car start up. Her eyes filled with tears. She was exhausted. \u201cThis is gratitude,\u201d she thought bitterly. \u201cHere\u2019s Naomi, barely 18, with her own car. We were married six years before we had one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fagie started her marriage with all the things that she and Sam still don\u2019t have after 27 years. And look how she is bringing up Brendan. Brendan!<\/em> What sort of name is that? No wonder Fagie and Joel hadn\u2019t wanted to give him a brit. If she and Sam hadn\u2019t insisted, their grandson wouldn\u2019t even have had that. They\u2019d treated his Hebrew name, Baruch, as some sort of joke. Well, maybe in their circles it sounded strange. But at least among the family…. Everything with Fagie was a war. If she bought the child a kippah, Fagie would get upset. If she wouldn\u2019t eat in her daughter\u2019s treif house, it meant another argument. What did you have children for?<\/p>\n

She heard loud music from upstairs. The Grateful Dead. No wonder they were grateful \u2013 they can\u2019t hear the cacophony, she surmised.<\/p>\n

When the key turned in the lock, she didn\u2019t have the strength even to go and say hello to Sam. He wandered into the kitchen. \u201cIt looks beautiful,\u201d he said, patting her shoulder and taking in the sparkling clean room.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo us, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong? Fagie been getting to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot just her. Naomi\u2019s just as bad now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sam sat down heavily. \u201cI don\u2019t understand it. We sent them to day school \u2013 forked out in a year more than our education cost in a lifetime. And what do they give back? Where\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t you hear? He\u2019s studying. That\u2019s his usual accompaniment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEven so, he\u2019s a good student. He\u2019ll make us proud one day. He\u2019s talking about medicine or law, maybe architecture….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re kidding ourselves, Sam. Even if we\u2019re proud of him, he\u2019ll be ashamed of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not Joe. Why do you say that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause we\u2019re fighting a losing battle. The things that are important to us are hateful to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sam\u2019s shoulders sagged. \u201cJoe\u2019s turning his back on our traditions, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot yet. He\u2019s only 14. But he will \u2013 give him a few years.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wearily, Rebecca made dinner. The three of them ate in near silence. Joe had a book next to his plate and didn\u2019t seem to notice. He had already left for school next morning when Rebecca, Sam and Naomi sat down for breakfast. Naomi avoided her mother\u2019s eyes. \u201cI\u2019m sorry about yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you\u2019re not,\u201d Rebecca answered, \u201cyou meant it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted you to understand….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I understand. Your father and I made a decision last night. You tell her Sam.\u201d<\/p>\n

He cleared his throat. \u201cNaomi, since Pesach is so distasteful to you, you can go and stay with your sister. Your mother and I are taking Joe and going away for the week. That kosher guest house in the mountains \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean no seder?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat for? For Fagie\u2019s family, who barely tolerate it. For you, who finds it such a chore? You know what it says in the Zohar<\/em>? It says a little hurt from kin is worse than a big hurt from a stranger. Who needs it?\u201d He pushed his chair back abruptly and, a minute later, they heard the front door close.<\/p>\n

Naomi pushed the food around on her plate. \u201cI think you\u2019re overreacting. We always have a seder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe always used<\/em> to have a seder. We\u2019re not going to do it any more. I didn\u2019t care about the work, the exhaustion, because I thought it meant something. If it doesn\u2019t, there\u2019s no point.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt meant something to you and Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, we\u2019ll sit at someone else\u2019s seder. Naomi, go to university. You\u2019ll be late for class.\u201d<\/p>\n

An hour later, the telephone rang. \u201cMum, it\u2019s Fagie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, it\u2019s Fagie today. What happened to Faye?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be sarcastic Mum \u2013 it doesn\u2019t suit you. Listen, are you home? Can I come round?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat for?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not babysitting if that\u2019s what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBrendan\u2019s at play group. I just want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything to talk about. But come if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thirty minutes later, Fagie\u2019s car drew up. Rebecca poured her a coffee and pushed it towards her.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s about the seder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNaomi didn\u2019t waste much time. What\u2019s wrong? You don\u2019t want your sister\u2019s company for a week?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease listen. It\u2019s not right what you\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot right? For whom?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor anyone. Dad will hate not conducting the seder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll survive.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fagie\u2019s voice trembled. \u201cMaybe we won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know how to say this. It\u2019s just….\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca remained silent, not attempting to help.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt did<\/em> mean something to us \u2013 me and Naomi \u2013 even Joel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did it mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt meant we were a family. It kind of bound us together. We need it. Brendan needs it. That once a year at least \u2013 to remind us who we are.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you exactly? You can go and celebrate Easter. It\u2019s all the same to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fagie\u2019s voice trembled. \u201cYou\u2019re making it hard for me. Mum, it\u2019s true we don\u2019t keep all the things you and Dad do. Most people don\u2019t anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that makes it right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes \u2013 no \u2013 I don\u2019t know. It\u2019s hard for us, to be different from our friends. But we need something. We need to know it\u2019s there for us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot good enough. What happens when we go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe we\u2019ll take it on then. When there\u2019s no one else.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would you want to do that, if it\u2019s not meaningful now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor our children. I can\u2019t explain. We can only give up these \u2013 traditions \u2013 because we know you still keep them. That they\u2019re there for us to come back to. Sure, we ridicule them, but it\u2019s like a family. We insult one another all the time because it\u2019s easier than saying, \u2018I love you and I need you.\u2019 Do you understand me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Fagie was crying openly now. Rebecca didn\u2019t trust herself to speak.<\/p>\n

Three nights later, the candles were lit in the candelabra in Rebecca\u2019s dining room, the flames casting shadows on the snowy white tablecloth. Sam sat at the head of the table and inspected the seder plate with its three matzot, the parsley, saltwater, horseradish, charoset, shank bone and roasted egg. He planned where to hide the afikoman, so that it would not be too hard for Brendan to find. Joe was filling the wine glasses, with the extra big one for the prophet Elijah, while Naomi handed out Haggadot. His grandson sat between Fagie and Joel, his face flushed with excitement. Sam\u2019s eyes met his wife\u2019s, which were moist with unshed tears, as were his.<\/p>\n

\u201cBaruch atah,\u201d he began. \u201cBlessed art Thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, who created the fruit of the vine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dvora Waysman<\/strong> is a Jerusalem-based author. She has written 14 books, including T<\/em>he Pomegranate Pendant, which was made into a movie, and her latest novella, <\/em>Searching for Sarah. She can be contacted at dwaysman@gmail.com<\/a> or through her blog dvorawaysman.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Passover traditions like the seder connect family and friends, and remind us who we are. (photo from flickr.com) \u201cI know I read an article somewhere that the greatest number of suicides happen on holidays,\u201d Naomi said to her mother. Rebecca ignored her. \u201cJust keep lining the shelves.\u201d \u201cBut it makes sense, truly it does. Why […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":34617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[781],"tags":[6412,218,400,3639],"class_list":["post-34616","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-holidays","tag-family-life","tag-judaism","tag-passover","tag-tradition"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34616","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34616"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34616\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34617"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34616"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34616"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34616"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}