{"id":34421,"date":"2020-03-13T03:47:03","date_gmt":"2020-03-13T10:47:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=34421"},"modified":"2020-04-02T15:41:58","modified_gmt":"2020-04-02T22:41:58","slug":"balabusta-does-nothing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2020\/03\/13\/balabusta-does-nothing\/","title":{"rendered":"Balabusta does nothing"},"content":{"rendered":"

(photo from pexels.com<\/a>)<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Lest you think this Accidental Balabusta has been slacking off, let me set the record straight. I\u2019ve been sick since the middle of November and haven\u2019t had the koach to do anything, including writing or cooking. No need for the gory details; suffice it to say that it\u2019s worn me down to a nub.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been a struggle to find the silver lining in all this, and months of illness has taken its toll both physically and emotionally. There were days I couldn\u2019t see the end in sight, and felt like my life had no purpose \u2013 a soul-destroying way to feel. There was no energy to do what I love: volunteering, attending Torah classes, meeting with friends.<\/p>\n

In the absence of meaningful activities, my mind became a slave to anxiety and rumination, and the negativity spilled over into my various relationships. Let\u2019s face it, no one likes a chronic complainer. Desperate to snap out of that funk, I didn\u2019t have the mental or physical energy to attempt it.<\/p>\n

Fast forward. I\u2019m almost fully recovered. So, which came first \u2013 recovery or a sense of optimism?<\/p>\n

Since regaining the bulk of my energy and well-being, I can now look at that period of suffering and negativity with a more balanced perspective. Which answers the aforementioned question \u2013 recovery came first. Which stands to reason, as it\u2019s nearly impossible to feel positive in the midst of ongoing poor health. At least for regular folk.<\/p>\n

A short video I watched while I was sick, by Goldie Plotkin, called Inner Strength \u2013 Courage and Faith for Life\u2019s Challenges<\/em>, was pretty inspirational, albeit vague. It emphasized the importance of \u201cseeing the blessings in the challenges,\u201d and learning how to use these challenges as \u201cspringboards for good.\u201d Having overcome and embraced her own personal life challenges, Plotkin views adversity and struggle as \u201cimpetuses to grow and learn\u201d from, and resiliency as an integral character trait. What puzzles me is this: How exactly do people \u201caccess\u201d these blessings while they\u2019re in the throes of illness? Or can we? Maybe it\u2019s only after the fact that we can perceive the blessings.<\/p>\n

The question remains: Is there a way to cope more effectively while we\u2019re in the eye of the storm?<\/p>\n

It got me thinking. What do Jews of great faith do when faced with illness and suffering? They think positively. Since they trust that G-d does everything for the good, they have faith that something positive will come from every experience. \u201cTracht gut vet zein gut<\/em>\u201d \u2013 \u201cThink good and it will be good.\u201d A life-affirming attitude, for sure. And one that probably takes a lifetime to cultivate. Unless you happen to be a Chassid. And still.<\/p>\n

As my health improves, and the negativity lifts, I\u2019m reminded of a joke from a book called There Must be a Pony<\/em>, where a boy wakes up on Christmas morning and finds a pile of horse manure under the tree, instead of gifts. Possessing an extraordinarily optimistic outlook, the boy immediately starts shoveling the manure, exclaiming enthusiastically, \u201cWith all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere!\u201d<\/p>\n

If only faith and trust in G-d were that easy.<\/p>\n

During the latter part of my recovery, when I actually had the energy to get dressed, I promised myself that I would do something every day to get out of my head: go for a walk, listen to a Jewish-themed podcast, read something inspiring. Anything to distract my mind from its endless loop of pessimistic storylines.<\/p>\n

I started reading a book called Positivity Bias: Practical Wisdom for Positive Living<\/em>. It gave me some practical tools to help stop my cycle of negativity. One such tool is the concept of \u201ccognitive restructuring\u201d or \u201creframing,\u201d which was integral to me turning the corner. It\u2019s a technique that helps people view situations from a different perspective and, when a person\u2019s perspective changes, their thinking and behaviour often change as well. It helps one challenge the veracity of negative, often inaccurate, perspectives, and reframe their thinking. Based on cognitive behavioural therapy, the long and short of it is this \u2013 if you want to feel better, change your mind.<\/p>\n

The essence of the book is simple yet profound. Since our thoughts and words influence how we feel and behave, each of us has the power to reshape our lives. Mindfulness and consciousness are huge parts of this process. If our thoughts are not helping us or moving us forward, then we need to change how we think. The catch is that it\u2019s difficult to do and it\u2019s an ongoing challenge.<\/p>\n

An article I read recently \u2013 \u201cTen Hacks for Mental Control that Every Human Being Should Know\u201d by Tzvi Freeman \u2013 was also helpful. It talks about negative thoughts and how to counteract them in a healthy way. (Read: from a Chassidic perspective.) Naturally, most of the references are to religious thought and practice. According to Freeman, the challenge is not just stopping ourselves from having negative thoughts, but finding wholesome thoughts and actions to replace the negative ones.<\/p>\n

Relaxation techniques, like breathing meditation, and distractions such as paying attention to external stimuli, work well, too. Basically, getting outside your own head. While both approaches work, I personally think replacing unhealthy thoughts with healthy ones is the better alternative, since it not only redirects your mind, but also retrains it in a significant, consequential way.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019ve learned anything from this experience, it\u2019s that cultivating positivity requires superhuman vigilance and self-control. It demands that we learn to regulate, train and discipline ourselves in how we behave, how we speak and, most importantly, how we allow ourselves to think. And it\u2019s key to living a more intentional, meaningful, happy life.<\/p>\n

Am I walking the walk? All I can say is I\u2019m trying. Day by day. Moment by moment. Every one of us is a flawed human being, but each of us has the potential to make our life better, more purposeful. My advice is to use whatever works for you. Just remember that there\u2019s something to learn from everybody.<\/p>\n

If all that fails \u2026 try prayer. I\u2019m a huge fan. Surrendering to something greater than oneself isn\u2019t a sign of weakness; it\u2019s a sign of strength and faith. And it\u2019s just a thought, but maybe don\u2019t ask G-d to heal you. Maybe, instead, ask G-d to give you the emotional and physical strength and courage to heal yourself. Just saying.<\/p>\n

Shelley Civkin <\/strong>aka the Accidental Balabusta, is a happily retired librarian and communications officer. For 17 years, she wrote a weekly book review column for the <\/em>Richmond Review. She\u2019s currently a freelance writer and volunteer.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(photo from pexels.com) Lest you think this Accidental Balabusta has been slacking off, let me set the record straight. I\u2019ve been sick since the middle of November and haven\u2019t had the koach to do anything, including writing or cooking. No need for the gory details; suffice it to say that it\u2019s worn me down to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":34422,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[8729,4631,2864,218,8302],"class_list":["post-34421","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","tag-accidental-balabusta","tag-depression","tag-health","tag-judaism","tag-lifestyle"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34421","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34421"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34421\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34421"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34421"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34421"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}