{"id":34335,"date":"2020-02-28T03:38:33","date_gmt":"2020-02-28T11:38:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=34335"},"modified":"2020-02-26T15:12:07","modified_gmt":"2020-02-26T23:12:07","slug":"camp-helps-lift-spirits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2020\/02\/28\/camp-helps-lift-spirits\/","title":{"rendered":"Camp helps lift spirits"},"content":{"rendered":"

A moment of levity during the taking of Justine and Stewart Silver\u2019s wedding photos. (photo from Justin Silver)<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The late Stewart Silver was born and raised in Montreal. He had worked as a standup comedian, and moved to Toronto in hopes of furthering his career. Justine Silver grew up in a Houston suburb. In late 1990, she followed her sister, who had moved to Toronto, and, there, she joined Jewish online dating site Jdate. So had Stewart.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was a thing where you had to describe your perfect date,\u201d recalled Justine. \u201cProfile after profile included long romantic dinners and were all gushy and gross … but his said, \u2018Yeah, after we grab a drink, we step out of the restaurant and trip over a big bag of money.\u2019 I was like, \u2018Oh my gosh … that\u2019s the perfect date!\u201d<\/p>\n

The couple took their time getting to know each other and, after a year and a half, got married.<\/p>\n

To all appearances, Stewart was a healthy 44-year-old. He had biked up hills in Christie Pits Park the day before he had a fatal heart attack while the couple was having a conversation on Nov. 16, 2011.<\/p>\n

Left shocked and widowed, Justine embarked on a healing path, including taking a hiatus from her event-planning business.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been quite some time since then and there\u2019s been grief bursts,\u201d said Silver. \u201cIn the early days, there was a lot of therapy and some peer support groups. Then, I found Camp Widow and have been to a few of those. I was pleased it wasn\u2019t at all associated with any religion and was welcoming…. There was one in Tampa, and so a couple of widow friends that I had met up with, here, in Toronto, in a peer support group for young people who\u2019d lost their spouses under the age of 55 … decided to make a whole trip of it. We went to the beach, museum, and then to Camp Widow. It\u2019s a very transformational experience when you feel that you\u2019re surrounded by people who understand the topsy-turvy world that you\u2019re starting to barely understand yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

The first camp Silver went to, in Tampa, was in the spring of 2018. Then, in November 2018 and November 2019, she attended the camps in Toronto. She and her friends have already signed up for the next November 2020 camp in Toronto.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s called a \u201ccamp,\u201d the weekend is more like a conference, with people coming together for sessions on various topics.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne of the neat things I like at Camp Widow is that the name tags, everyone has one, but there are a couple features to it,\u201d said Silver. \u201cOne of them, there\u2019s a ribbon at the bottom. For example, in my work as an event planner, if you\u2019re a presenter, your ribbon will say \u2018presenter,\u2019 or, if you\u2019re on the organizing committee, it will say \u2018organizing committee\u2019 or \u2018volunteer.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, these [also] have the number of years ago that your loss occurred. So, for me, that was six years. So, let\u2019s say it\u2019s a teal ribbon. All of a sudden, you notice the six-year people … and there\u2019s a bond, because you\u2019re in a different place than, say, the six-month people. Everyone is compassionate to everyone else, but it\u2019s just a really interesting way to bond with people.\u201d<\/p>\n

As far as the camp schedule, there are some group meals, as well as meals on your own. There are various types of sessions offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are tracks, like for people who are five years out, one year, or one to five,\u201d said Silver. \u201cI can\u2019t remember the exact breakdown, but you can decide to go to everything along a certain track, or you can decide in the moment what you\u2019ll do, which sessions you\u2019ll go to. Then, there are some networking evening events, different ways of getting to know people.\u201d<\/p>\n

One is designed like speed-dating, but not for that purpose. You get the chance to talk to someone for a certain amount of time, and then you move on to the next person and chat with them. \u201cIt\u2019s really interesting to see where the commonalities fall,\u201d said Silver.<\/p>\n

On Saturday night, there is a banquet with a theme and people dress up \u2013 some participants may not have gone out since their loss. After dinner, each person says the name of their loved one out loud, while some 200 others quietly listen. Then, there is a dance, which gives the opportunity to destress and socialize. The DJ doesn\u2019t play any music that could potentially trigger anyone\u2019s grief, like slow songs.<\/p>\n

At the camp, there are people from their mid-20s to people in their 70s and 80s; people from all religions, cultures and political leanings.<\/p>\n

For Silver, Camp Widow \u201ccreates community and support amongst widows and widowers…. Sometimes, when you\u2019ve lost someone, it can be very isolating, which can be in different and unexpected ways. I wouldn\u2019t say never, but it doesn\u2019t go away. The intensity definitely lessens and you find new ways to live with grief. And there are plenty of people who, we say, are \u2018re-partnered.\u2019 When you\u2019ve been widowed and then you meet someone else and you have a boyfriend\/girlfriend, wife\/husband or partner, we say you\u2019re \u2018re-partnered,\u2019 because we don\u2019t think that means you\u2019re not still widowed.\u201d<\/p>\n

The camp provides tools and connections that widows and widowers may not otherwise find on their own.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel camaraderie in sharing my story and being heard, or hearing someone else\u2019s story and being helpful to them,\u201d said Silver. \u201cAt this past Camp Widow, I did an art thing. I can do crafty things OK, but I\u2019m not really an artist. But, one of the workshops I went to was all about healing through art and it was just a whole different facet. We all had paint and they set it up so well…. We had a white piece of paper and I got white paint and I painted a white heart. Then, I put a line through it \u2013 a squiggly line, like it was broken \u2013 and you could barely see it … like you couldn\u2019t see that my husband had a heart problem…. Then, everyone shared in the room what theirs was about. When you do that, it\u2019s like opening up a wound, and then the scar heals better next time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six months ago \u2013 eight years into her healing journey \u2013 Silver and her older sister, Eileen Jadd, who is a social worker, started the charity Good Grief Bereavement Healing Services.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have a roster of counselors in different parts of Toronto for bereaved people,\u201d said Silver. \u201cWe\u2019re also offering workshops on eye movement desensitization, which is a thing for trauma victims. It really helps you compartmentalize the trauma, so you can talk about it without being retraumatized. So, we\u2019re doing a workshop on that.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re starting a group on sibling loss and, eventually, will have a physical building. We want to have a centre, so people who\u2019ve lost someone, it\u2019s like a snap of the fingers and they\u2019ll know where to go. When you know there\u2019s an accident, you know to dial 911. We want it to be, \u2018Wow, you\u2019re in need, you\u2019ve lost someone, and you know exactly where to go.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think widows and widowers need their person\u2019s name to be said. People are so afraid of saying it, because they don\u2019t want to bring it up in fear. But, they want their names to be said, so that\u2019s a big part of it. I happen to talk about Stewart all the time, but a lot of people don\u2019t have those opportunities in their own lives.\u201d<\/p>\n

In addition to talking about him when memories arise, Silver said, \u201cEvery year, I go to shul and I say his name and a prayer for him, and commemorate it that way. I remind people that we got married in that synagogue, and I remind people that he was a person that existed and stood in that space with me, and that his influence is still there. Just because he\u2019s not standing next to me in that moment … he\u2019s still there. In those ways, we talk about him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Camp Widow is put on by Soaring Spirits International. For more information, visit soaringspirits.org<\/a>, campwidow.org<\/a>, widowedresilience.org<\/a> and goodgriefhealing.ca<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Rebeca Kuropatwa<\/strong> is a Winnipeg freelance writer.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A moment of levity during the taking of Justine and Stewart Silver\u2019s wedding photos. (photo from Justin Silver) The late Stewart Silver was born and raised in Montreal. He had worked as a standup comedian, and moved to Toronto in hopes of furthering his career. Justine Silver grew up in a Houston suburb. In late […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":34336,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[9721,5810,9719,3225,9720,8302,1997,6833],"class_list":["post-34335","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-national","tag-camp-widow","tag-death","tag-grieving","tag-health-care","tag-justin-silver","tag-lifestyle","tag-mental-health","tag-widows"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34335","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34335"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34335\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}