{"id":34256,"date":"2020-02-21T03:50:41","date_gmt":"2020-02-21T11:50:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=34256"},"modified":"2020-02-19T18:30:59","modified_gmt":"2020-02-20T02:30:59","slug":"blending-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2020\/02\/21\/blending-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Blending families"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rebecca Eckler\u2019s latest book is one of her most candid.\u00a0<\/strong>(photo from Rebecca Eckler)<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Rebecca Eckler knows firsthand the challenges of forming a mixed, blended or bonus family. Based on her experiences, the author, blogger and former National Post<\/em> columnist has written Blissfully Blended Bullshit: The Uncomfortable Truth of Blending Families<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone was private messaging me saying, \u2018I\u2019m going through this with my blended family. I know you are in one. How do you handle this?\u2019 I\u2019m thinking, \u2018People need help,\u2019\u201d Eckler told the Independent<\/em>.<\/p>\n

When the American television show The Brady Bunch<\/em> first aired 50 years ago, its premise relied on what was then a rarity \u2013 two parents on their second marriage, each bringing three children into the same home.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe difference with The Brady Bunch<\/em> is you never saw exes. You never saw the grandparents or cousins. It was just about the family. But blended family is so many other people,\u201d said Eckler. \u201cThere is a lot of suffering, and people in blended families don\u2019t want to admit how hard it is,\u201d including when parents take sides with their biological children in a tiff between siblings.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had no idea all the BS that pops up, and all the variations of people who have to get along,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\"image<\/a>Eckler described this, her 10th book, as \u201cmy favourite book because it\u2019s so candid.\u201d During the writing process, she and her then-partner \u201cunblended\u201d and she discusses many of the unexpected issues that arose from the breakup. For example, the biological siblings, half-siblings and bonus children now weren\u2019t \u2013 quite suddenly \u2013 in one another\u2019s lives regularly. The more familiar struggles of breaking up with someone included the division of possessions; in Eckler\u2019s case, agonizing back-and-forths over mundane items like the microwave and bed.<\/p>\n

While she and her ex now have new partners, other difficult situations lay ahead.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what was the hardest thing for me?\u201d she said. \u201cTelling [her daughter] Rowan\u2019s dad that another man was moving into the house with two children. I felt like he would feel that another man is taking over the role of \u2018dad\u2019 in my daughter\u2019s life. I could hear him choking up when I was telling him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then there was the time that one of her (new) stepdaughters asked Eckler to go prom-dress shopping. While in the dressing room, the daughter took selfies and sent them to her biological mother. \u201cSo,\u201d said Eckler, \u201cwhile I was invited to come with her, it was her mother who had the final say. These are things that you don\u2019t think about until they happen to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

One lesson learned through all of this was that partners need to keep open the lines of communication.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think one of the biggest mistakes at the very beginning is, we discussed nothing, which was ridiculous, but I had \u2018love goggles\u2019 on. He moved into my house and his kids were in my house 50% of the time. So, for them, I think it never felt like their home. To me, it always felt a little like, \u2018this is my home\u2019 that you guys have moved into. The [new] kids didn\u2019t even get to pick their room.\u201d<\/p>\n

Horns locked over Jewish issues, too. When her partner wanted to bring ham into the home, discussions ensued \u2013 over the \u2018December dilemma\u2019 of a Christmas tree (she refused), Jewish versus mainstream summer camps, and to which grandparents they\u2019d go to for the Passover seder.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s almost like a cautionary tale, and it\u2019s very juicy. It\u2019s also a book for grandparents to read,\u201d said Eckler. \u201cI think I\u2019d probably make a shitload of money if I came out with a line of greeting cards for blended families. \u2018Happy bonus granddaughter\u2019s day!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Dave Gordon<\/strong> is a Toronto-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in more than 100 publications around the world.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rebecca Eckler\u2019s latest book is one of her most candid.\u00a0(photo from Rebecca Eckler) Rebecca Eckler knows firsthand the challenges of forming a mixed, blended or bonus family. Based on her experiences, the author, blogger and former National Post columnist has written Blissfully Blended Bullshit: The Uncomfortable Truth of Blending Families. \u201cEveryone was private messaging me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":34257,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[784],"tags":[9695,3429,7579,9694,6277],"class_list":["post-34256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","tag-blissfully-blended-bullshit","tag-family","tag-parenting","tag-rebecca-eckler","tag-relationships"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34256"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34256\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}