{"id":31741,"date":"2019-01-25T03:47:49","date_gmt":"2019-01-25T11:47:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=31741"},"modified":"2019-01-24T10:09:18","modified_gmt":"2019-01-24T18:09:18","slug":"children-are-also-stressed-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2019\/01\/25\/children-are-also-stressed-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Children are also stressed out"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>The most important thing as a parent\nis to be able to identify when your child is stressed. <em>(photo from\nPsychology Foundation of Manitoba)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Despite the numerous technological advances we\nhave achieved to make our lives easier, we are more stressed than ever. Even\nchildren are affected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">American psychologist Dr. Robin Alter moved to\nToronto in 1980 to work at the city\u2019s mental health centres. Her focus is on\nchildren\u2019s health and, over her 36-year career, she has helped treat more than\n10,000 families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIf you\u2019re just in private practice, you don\u2019t\nget to do that\u2026. You can\u2019t see that many people,\u201d Alter told the <em>Independent<\/em>.\n\u201cSo, I started thinking that I really need to start writing down what I\u2019ve\nlearned from this incredible experience and try to give it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cA lot of the things I was learning on the\nground, in those face-to-face meetings, were things I couldn\u2019t read about. It\nwas not written in the studies I was reading. My experience, and what works for\npeople or doesn\u2019t, is different than what was written in books or journals.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In addition to numerous articles, many of which can be found on her website (<a href=\"http:\/\/docrobin.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"docrobin.com (opens in a new tab)\">docrobin.com<\/a>), Alter is the author of the book <em>Anxiety and the Gift of Imagination<\/em> and <em>The Anxiety Workbook for Kids<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When she was in university, Alter\u2019s teacher,\nJudy Levy, helped steer her toward working with children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI loved talking with them and finding ways\nthey could express themselves so we could understand what they were feeling and\nwhy they were behaving the way they were,\u201d said Alter. \u201cThen, I came to Canada.\nI walked into these children\u2019s mental health centres and looked around and I\nfound all these people who shared the same mission as me&#8230;. I was ecstatic,\nrealizing that I\u2019m not doing this by myself. I\u2019m doing this with an army of\npeople who are passionate, who are inspired to dedicate their lives and energy\nto helping children and families.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When the system switched to providing such care\nin a hospital setting, Alter opted to work from the outside, to educate people\nabout how changes in society are affecting kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to Alter, the effects of stress start\nat infancy for many kids, as they are thrust into a daycare environment for\neight to 10 hours a day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThat\u2019s very hard for kids if you think about\nit,\u201d she said. \u201cWhen you\u2019re with your family, you can let your hair down,\nright? You can be yourself, be relaxed. You\u2019re protected, cared for, special.\nWhen you\u2019re in a large group of other kids \u2013 even if it\u2019s a good place \u2013 they\nhave a number of kids to look after &#8230; there is always stress involved, some\nkids who want the toy you want to play with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cYou don\u2019t have the skills yet to figure out a\ncompromise, so you\u2019re just fighting over the toy or feeling left out. Everybody\nseems to be playing with somebody and you don\u2019t have anybody to play with. And,\nyou know, there\u2019s not always going to be an adult who notices that you\u2019re under\nstress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThe children leave their home early in the\nmorning, spend all day in a competitive environment, and [are] picked up at the\nend of the day just to have dinner, a bath and go to bed&#8230;. Going to bed, too,\nis stress-inducing for all of us, but especially for kids. And we wonder why\nthey are having trouble keeping up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI think there\u2019s an epidemic of sleep deprivation,\u201d\nshe added. \u201cKids really don\u2019t know how to unwind at night, how to take their\nworries and put them aside. I know most parents have a fairly good bedtime\nroutine, where they read to their kids and turn out the lights, but I think it\ncan be improved. Kids need to learn how to turn off their minds and put the day\nto rest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Alter has conducted nearly 6,000 psychological\nassessments and continues to do more. For this, there is a form that parents\nfill out \u2013 in 90% of these assessments, parents identify problems with sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to Alter, Vancouver\u2019s Dr. Gabor Mat\u00e9,\nan expert on child development, believes that many kids who are identified as\nADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) are really just sleep deprived\nand misdiagnosed. And, if they get diagnosed as having ADHD, they will likely\nget medication \u2013 medication that causes sleep deprivation, further intensifying\nthe problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The most important thing as a parent, said\nAlter, is to be able to identify when your child is stressed. The key to doing\nthis is paying attention mainly to what is not being said. \u201cLook for the cues,\u201d\nshe said. \u201cKids have a different response, but, usually, it\u2019s a change in\nbehaviour. They stop and, sometimes, their eyes get wider. We can do things to\nalleviate that stress, explain things to them. For example, the other night, at\ndinner, I drank a little bit of water, and then I was talking to Lewis [her\n2-year-old grandson] and he turned to me and said, \u2018Baba, you just spit at me!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHe looked horrified at that. Why would his\ngrandmother spit at him? Something he\u2019s learned in daycare is that you don\u2019t\nspit. He looked like I had just done this horrible thing. We explained to him\nthat I didn\u2019t spit at him, that it was water that came off my lips and that I\u2019d\nnever spit at him. Then he became unstressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cSo, sometimes, just explaining what\u2019s going\non; giving the kid a good explanation can alleviate the stress. Those are\nminimal stresses. But, sometimes, there are big stressors going on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">While stress can be overwhelming, it is important\nto remember that we don\u2019t want to completely eliminate it. \u201cStress is our\npassport, or what we need to have an interesting life,\u201d said Alter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We have to learn that stress is a part of life\nand that we need to learn ways to de-stress. This is a main focus of the\nPsychology Foundation of Canada program Kids Have Stress Too, for kids 3 to 5\nyears old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One of the strengths of the program is that it\nrelays that stress is normal, everybody gets stressed. \u201cAnd, you know, you can\nidentify it in other kids,\u201d said Alter. \u201cWhen other kids are stressed, you can\nidentify it in yourself and you can help yourself to feel better&#8230;. You can\nlearn how to come back, bounce back from stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI was at a session, my own personal\nprofessional session with a mother. She was very stressed by her daughter, who\nwas 5 years old and had been diagnosed with epilepsy. The mother was very\nstressed by the diagnosis and the symptoms. The kids were in the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThe 5-year-old heard her mother talking about\nhow stressed she was \u2013 and the kid had actually been through the Psychology\nFoundation program Kids Have Stress Too. Her ears perked up at the word\n\u2018stress\u2019 and she said, \u2018Mom, I know what to do when you get stressed.\u2019 The\nmother said, \u2018You do?\u2019 And the kid said, \u2018You sing a song.\u2019 She had a song she\nlearned in the program and she sang it to her mother, and it was very cute and\nhelpful, and the mother laughed. Laughter is a good way to alleviate stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cAnother good way of helping kids alleviate\nstress is to encourage them to be helpful to others. When we are kind to\nothers, when we reach out and give people food, and share \u2013 all those things\nalleviate our stress.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Kids Have Stress Too program teaches\nchildren to be aware of when they are stressed. Some kids feel nausea or a rush,\nas if an alarm system is going off in their body. Some kids feel it in their\ntummies. Others feel it in their heads. Once they learn what these feelings\nmean, it normalizes it and then it is not so scary. So, they are able to take\ncare of themselves and sometimes take care of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIf you see other kids going through the\nprogram, someone stressed, they sometimes put their arm around them and say,\n\u2018It\u2019s OK. Everything\u2019s alright, so let\u2019s go play, let\u2019s go do something fun,\u2019\u201d\nsaid Alter. \u201cAnd that\u2019s what it\u2019s all about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThere are wonderful little techniques,\u201d she\nsaid. \u201cThe one I like most is the cloud push. You stand up and put your hands\nup and push the clouds away, like you\u2019re pushing all the stress away. You\u2019re\ngetting rid of all the things you don\u2019t want. Push them into the sky. Let them\nfly away.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Alter shared a story about visiting a junior\nkindergarten class, where she read the kids a book about animals having a bad\nday and getting stressed. She was taken aback by the responses she got from the\n4-year-olds when she asked them if they had ever had a bad day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI turned to them and said, \u2018Well, the\norangutan is having a bad day. Have you ever felt that way?\u2019 And, I look up to\nsee this whole sea of faces, all shaking their heads as hard as they can,\nsaying, \u2018No. No. Never!\u2019 And, I was shocked. I realized that, even at this age,\nthe peer pressure of how we\u2019re not supposed to feel that way, not supposed to\nadmit to others that we feel bad, was already instilled so early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThen, they went to little tables\nindependently. We gave them crayons and paper, and each one of them drew these\namazing pictures of things in their life that stress them out. One kid drew a\npicture of his mom having cancer and going to the hospital. Another kid drew a\npicture of his father leaving the family. And, I realized that they got the\nmessage, what I was reading about. They were not going to admit it in the\ngroup, but they were very eager to talk about it individually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWe need to help kids realize that they are not\nalone with these problems or feelings,\u201d said Alter. \u201cThat\u2019s one of the biggest\nstrengths of the program \u2013 an adult can help kids, too, by talking about their\nstresses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Parents need to be sharing their feelings with\ntheir kids, and then showing them how we move past them, she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cKids don\u2019t so much listen to what we say as\nmuch as what we do,\u201d said Alter. \u201cKids are more doers. And so, for example,\ngetting them out to the yard and doing exercise \u2013 throwing a ball around or\nsomething \u2013 is a good way to alleviate stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cMany kids stop talking because we use words\nthey don\u2019t understand, and they just don\u2019t understand what we\u2019re talking about.\nBut, they understand action and behaviour. So, doing things with them and\nencouraging them to do things is a lot more helpful. Also, laughing is a way to\nalleviate stress. So, telling a joke, being silly, or just letting \u2026 stress out\nthat way is great.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cKids need to know that when they are out there\nin the \u2018jungle\u2019 of school that their parents are behind them and that they are\nnot alone in whatever is going on,\u201d she said. \u201cOur daughter had a lot of\ntrouble in grades 4 to 6 \u2013 bullying, mistreating stuff. Every night, we\u2019d\nstrategize what she could do, have long conversations. None of them worked.\nShe\u2019d say, \u2018I tried that. It didn\u2019t work.\u2019 She knew that we were behind her,\nthat she wasn\u2019t alone. She had a team who understood how difficult the\nsituation was. I think all those things help.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For more information on the Kids Have Stress Too program and more, visit <a href=\"http:\/\/psychologyfoundation.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"psychologyfoundation.org (opens in a new tab)\">psychologyfoundation.org<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Rebeca Kuropatwa<\/strong> <em>is a Winnipeg freelance writer.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The most important thing as a parent is to be able to identify when your child is stressed. (photo from Psychology Foundation of Manitoba) Despite the numerous technological advances we have achieved to make our lives easier, we are more stressed than ever. Even children are affected. American psychologist Dr. Robin Alter moved to Toronto [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":31742,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[6977,8302,7579,8661,2225],"class_list":["post-31741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-national","tag-healthcare","tag-lifestyle","tag-parenting","tag-robin-alter","tag-science"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31741"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31741\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/31742"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}