{"id":26711,"date":"2017-11-10T03:35:19","date_gmt":"2017-11-10T11:35:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/?p=26711"},"modified":"2017-11-09T10:46:42","modified_gmt":"2017-11-09T18:46:42","slug":"grandparent-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/2017\/11\/10\/grandparent-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Grandparent parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

This past summer, the topic of grandparents parenting their grandchildren was front and centre at the Jewish Child and Family Services Winnipeg (JFCS) annual general meeting. The Independent <\/em>spoke recently with a couple of the participants in the June event.<\/p>\n

Corinne Ackerman, 73, was joined by her husband, Harvey, 75, at the AGM. The couple has two grown children \u2013 a son who lives and works in Auckland, New Zealand, and a daughter who lives in Winnipeg. Seven years ago, their daughter\u2019s family began experiencing difficulties, to the point that Manitoba Child and Family Services (CFS) became involved.<\/p>\n

\u201cHarvey and I were aware there were problems in their home, but we didn\u2019t know how bad,\u201d Corinne told the Independent<\/em>. \u201cWe got a phone call from our daughter, saying that CFS was coming to the school to apprehend their three boys. And, of course, when I heard that, I just was absolutely stunned…. I grabbed my car, went to the school and met the social worker. I said, \u2018You\u2019re not taking them. I\u2019m their grandmother and they are coming with me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone ended up at CFS, which then evaluated the possibility of the Ackermans taking charge of their grandsons. \u201cThey came to our apartment. They checked it,\u201d said Corinne.<\/p>\n

By that evening, all three boys were with their grandparents in their apartment. However, said Corinne, \u201cWe had them here with us for about 10 to 12 weeks. They [CFS] wouldn\u2019t let us keep them. You can\u2019t have three children in a two-bedroom apartment.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt that point, friends of mine … and even the principal at the kids\u2019 school called me … and said to call JCFS. It took a lot for me to do that. You become so embarrassed. Harvey and I were just mortified.<\/p>\n

\u201cI did, and God bless Emily Shane [who was then at the helm of JCFS]. She sent workers and the process began. They found a foster home for the three boys, but it very quickly deteriorated. It was just awful.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ian, now 14, the youngest, was having the most trouble. He also needed some major dental work. All of those involved decided it would be best if Ian went back to live with his grandparents. Ian\u2019s brothers are now 18 and 20.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t even remember how it all happened, but the agreement was, the boys were going to another foster home and Ian would stay with us,\u201d said Corinne. \u201cAnd he\u2019s been with us now since he was 7 years old.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Ackermans have made a point of assuring Ian that his parents and brothers love him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that he knows that he\u2019s loved and that we still love his mom, dad and brothers,\u201d said Corinne. \u201cIan would like to be home with his mom and dad if it was possible. But, I think he\u2019s pretty happy here. And, for as long as he needs us to be here, we are going to try to take care of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

While there were some hurt feelings within the family when all of this happened, of course, everyone has made amends for Ian\u2019s sake. They all speak regularly, and Ian visits his mom and dad regularly.<\/p>\n

When asked about the difference between raising your own kids versus raising your grandchildren, Corinne said, \u201cWell, when you raise your grandchildren, you get a better appreciation for the love you have. I love my daughter, I love my son, I love my in-laws, but you love your grandchildren on a different level, and we just adore Ian. At times, he\u2019s very difficult, but at times, he\u2019s an absolute blessing.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Ackermans have had to realign their lives in order to parent their grandson. It was a drastic change and they depend on JCFS for respite.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are not people who go out all the time, but it does cut down on the freedom to do so,\u201d said Corinne. \u201cBut, we\u2019re OK with that. Ian is important enough to us that it\u2019s worth it.<\/p>\n

\u201cIan has some challenges in school and that makes it quite difficult for any parent. We\u2019ve done our best to get him the help he needs, and I can say that JCFS has been fabulous. Ian had a reading clinician, as he had a little speech impediment, and now it\u2019s gone. JCFS has been wonderful with whatever Ian has needed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are issues when a child is taken from their parents, and issues before that, and they\u2019ve been very helpful throughout,\u201d she continued. \u201cAs far as Harvey and I, when I really have it up to my head \u2026 I\u2019ll give the social worker a call and she\u2019s always there to help and give advice.<\/p>\n

\u201cIan is the most invaluable young man because, whatever we do for him, he does back for us tenfold. He\u2019s a wonderful kid. A million foster homes are wonderful, but family is family and there\u2019s a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

The other panelist at the JCFS AGM was Karla Berksen, 73, who also took in her two grandchildren seven years ago. Berksen was awarded custody because her daughter was unwell and her husband could not care for the kids.<\/p>\n

Berksen and her partner of many years, Arthur Chipman, took in the children when Paige was 4 and Jacob was 8. At the time, Berksen was a newly retired financial planner and was spending part of her winters in Mexico.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy daughter was still alive when I got the kids,\u201d Berksen told the Independent<\/em>. \u201cShe wasn\u2019t a very well person, so we spent a lot of time with her. When they came to me, they were just dropped off. Arthur\u2019s been quite amazing, because people my age don\u2019t think this is something they want to do for their retirement. But, this is what we\u2019re doing, although Arthur is still working.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both children attended and graduated from Brock Corydon School\u2019s Hebrew immersion program. \u201cJacob had his bar mitzvah two years ago and Paige will have her bat mitzvah in March,\u201d said Berksen.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel very grateful to have the kids. It makes me a little tired sometimes. But, as I said at the JCFS AGM, I\u2019ve only had two anxieties in my whole life. One was nine months after I stopped smoking \u2013 I had an anxiety attack realizing I wasn\u2019t going to have a cigarette again. The other one happened a couple years after I got the kids, and I realized that I\u2019m going to have teenagers again. That\u2019s my biggest fear \u2013 going through the teen years again. You can only build them up, but they have to take charge and you never know what will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Berksen said both of her grandchildren are very talented. Her grandson is a gifted musician who is self-taught on the saxophone, drums, guitar and piano, with plans to one day become a studio musician and music teacher; he also enjoys playing hockey. Berksen\u2019s granddaughter loves the arts and curling. Both kids spend part of their summers at Camp Massad.<\/p>\n

Although Berksen hopes one day to again spend time in Mexico, her current priority is to raise her grandchildren up through their university studies. \u201cI don\u2019t see it as my life being on hold,\u201d said Berksen. \u201cThis is it. This is my life and I enjoy it for the most part. I enjoy watching these two kids grow up. They keep me alive and busy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebeca Kuropatwa<\/strong> is a Winnipeg freelance writer.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This past summer, the topic of grandparents parenting their grandchildren was front and centre at the Jewish Child and Family Services Winnipeg (JFCS) annual general meeting. The Independent spoke recently with a couple of the participants in the June event. Corinne Ackerman, 73, was joined by her husband, Harvey, 75, at the AGM. The couple […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[3429,4434,7579,4048],"class_list":["post-26711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-national","tag-family","tag-jcfs","tag-parenting","tag-winnipeg"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26711","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26711"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26711\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26711"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26711"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26711"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}