It was election week in Israel when I had the chance to speak with Ruth Westheimer. Though the noted sex therapist and celebrity Manhattanite served in the Haganah pre-state militia and is planning a trip to Israel in May, she didn\u2019t want to talk politics. \u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d I told her on the phone, \u201cjust know that, as a political scientist, I don\u2019t typically write about sex.\u201d<\/p>\n
She giggled in her contagious way, through her thick German accent \u2013 which, she told me, she\u2019s lucky to have, since radio listeners always knew when Dr. Ruth was speaking.<\/p>\n
Westheimer doesn\u2019t like to talk politics, but in many parts of the world \u2013 and even in corners of North America \u2013 her topic of choice is a highly politicized issue. While completing her PhD in education and before training as a sex therapist, she worked at Planned Parenthood, an organization positioned on the front lines in the reproductive-choice wars in America.<\/p>\n
Indeed, she had just returned from addressing a Planned Parenthood convention in Las Vegas when we spoke a few weeks ago. She said she was adamant that kids need to talk more about menstruation \u2013 especially since the onset of puberty is coming earlier for some \u2013 and nocturnal emissions. (Side note for the parents out there: My own personal introduction to the topics of periods and wet dreams was through Judy Blume\u2019s excellent books.)<\/p>\n
Talking is, of course, key to Westheimer\u2019s trade \u2013 and she sees talking about sex as essential to overall sexual literacy. We\u2019ve made great strides, she told me. In the United States and Israel, for example, there are now fewer women who are left unsatisfied due to not being able or willing to communicate their sexual needs to their partner. And, for men, premature ejaculation is also on the decline. Did she want to share advice for readers on that particular problem? It\u2019s in her books, she told me. For those who are interested, I poked around (no pun intended) and found this entry on Dr. Ruth\u2019s online encyclopedia of sex. Hint: It has to do with getting intimate with one\u2019s \u201cmoment of inevitability.\u201d<\/p>\n
She had some strong words for the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, a favorite punching bag for postmodern intellectuals. \u201cFreud said that any woman who doesn\u2019t have an orgasm during intercourse is an immature woman,\u201d said Westheimer. \u201cHe did not know that the clitoris needs to be stimulated in order to have an orgasm.\u201d Instead, she added, \u201cFreud should have taken a class with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
As she prepared to give a talk at the Israel Bar Association convention in Eilat, she said she was keeping in mind a talmudic adage: \u201cA lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained.\u201d She was pleased that after the seriousness of discussing legal matters, the conference delegates will be able to have some fun. But she \u201cprobably will not tell them to have good sex that night,\u201d because \u201cI don\u2019t think they are there with their partners. I am old-fashioned and a square, and I\u2019ve remained that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her squareness extends to trends like casual sex, which, she argues is not in people\u2019s best interest, pointing to the increased risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases: \u201cIt\u2019s dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yet, there is one area in which critics might call her politically incorrect: the hot-button issue of seeking overt consent before engaging in sexual activity.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do not believe that when partners are naked they can say at any time \u2018I changed my mind,\u2019\u201d Westheimer planned to tell the lawyers at the convention. \u201cIn the Talmud, they say, when that part of the male anatomy is aroused, the brain flies out of the head.\u201d In other words, she added: \u201cIt\u2019s nonsense to suddenly, at the height of sexual arousal, say \u2018I changed my mind.\u2019 It will lead to many more problems. The idea of consent is nonsense \u2013 except consent before they are naked in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t press her on this point, except to ensure I\u2019d heard correctly. But I did pause to mull over the current wave of youthful activism on this topic in my own province of Ontario, where a couple of teen spokespeople have been pushing the premier \u2013 with an apparently positive response so far \u2013 to add issues of consent to the new sex-ed curriculum.<\/p>\n
Approaching 87, Dr. Ruth wants the world to know that she \u201cfeels great.\u201d She has three new books coming out and she continues to teach courses at Columbia University, following a stint at Princeton.<\/p>\n
What is her proudest accomplishment?<\/p>\n
I ask. Her four grandchildren, she tells me. \u201cHitler lost, and I won.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mira Sucharov<\/strong> is an associate professor of political science at Carleton University. She blogs at <\/em>Haaretz and <\/em>the Jewish Daily Forward. A version of this article was originally published on haartez.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It was election week in Israel when I had the chance to speak with Ruth Westheimer. Though the noted sex therapist and celebrity Manhattanite served in the Haganah pre-state militia and is planning a trip to Israel in May, she didn\u2019t want to talk politics. \u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d I told her on the phone, \u201cjust know […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[3552,3553,3551],"class_list":["post-11809","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-world","tag-dr-ruth","tag-ruth-westheimer","tag-sex"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11809"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11809\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishindependent.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}