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Oct. 6, 2006
Love in a cold climate
In Winnipeg, the singles scene is also a struggle.
REBECA KUROPATWA
As in Vancouver, opportunities for Winnipeg Jewish singles to meet
other Jewish singles have proven to be a big challenge.
Francyn De Lande found the Winnipeg Jewish singles scene to be "alive,
but if you have reached a certain age or if you have been divorced,
you are really looked down upon," she said. "Unlike big
cities, in Winnipeg, trying out online dating and other singles
connection scenarios have you deemed desperate."
The general consensus seems to be that for things to improve, more
singles need to be willing to admit to being single and looking.
Although this brings with it the risk of heartbreak, it might also
result in meeting a perfect match.
"After a while, it became like, 'the usual suspects,' where
you knew exactly who all of the people were who were still single,"
said De Lande. "Once in a while, a 'mystery Jew' would appear
– as there had been an immigration influx – with a chance
to meet some new, nice people. Of course, I also encountered the
divorced man who was my cousin's best friend's uncle's ex-wife's
brother."
De Lande noted that one way to meet people is to check out websites
like JDate. Word of mouth is another option. "As we know,"
said De Lande, "Jews tend to merge and commingle, so it's worthwhile
to get the word out that you are 'on the market.' Going to Jewish
centres and functions also helps, but it's hit or miss to find other
singles."
She said Winnipeg "is a safe place to meet someone new who
is Jewish. You don't have to worry so much about meeting someone
who is totally 'out there' or who wants to harm you. That scenario
in our small, tight-knit community would scarcely be a secret. Chances
are your cousin's best friend's uncle's ex-wife's brother is not
going to be too scary."
Anna Schwartz has taken it upon herself to make a positive change
for her single friends in the city. She contacted organizers from
YAD (the Young Adult Division of the Jewish Federation), the Rady
JCC (Jewish Community Centre), Aish HaTorah and rabbis from local
synagogues, asking for their co-operation in helping to build up
a Jewish singles group in various venues around the city. The singles
group is called the Jewish Singles Project (JSP). "My aim is
to make it something that can appeal to all kinds of people, of
different levels of faith," said Schwartz.
"It is a myth that it is fun to be single," said Schwartz.
"In reality, it isn't. It is easier and more fun when you are
young, but for the people I know who are in their late 20s and older,
it is very hard."
Schwartz's sister, Bella Iomdina, said she found it hard to meet
other Jewish singles in school, work or on the Internet. "There
are a lot of singles," she said, "but to find someone
who is Jewish is almost impossible. Those in their 30s and 40s don't
come out to singles events when there is one. They find it is too
awkward and uncomfortable. If anything, it ends up being a room
full of single women. A few years ago, a lot of Argentinean men
moved here, but most have moved away because it was too hard to
meet single women.
"It seems like Winnipeg is a good place for established families,
but not singles," she said. "But the thought of moving
just to meet someone is terrible."
Jeff Claman, an admitted introvert, has found the dating scene "very
difficult. What few mixers there are, are not well advertised, and
the atmosphere is cliquish and unwelcoming," he said. "The
number of Winnipeg Jewish women on JDate, I can count on one hand.
I just turned 35, which really increases my anxiety. As an idea,
age isn't an issue but to the individual, it is."
Schwartz's JSP is in its very early stages, with two events to date,
including a mixer where Schwartz had singles sign up to be put on
an announcement list, so that more singles will be kept up-to-date
about when and where they can have a chance to meet new people.
As well, she aims to get feedback from singles about what kinds
of events would interest them in coming out more often.
For more information about the Jewish Singles Project in Winnipeg,
contact Schwartz at [email protected].
Rebeca Kuropatwa is a Winnipeg freelance writer.
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