A truly amazing (Shabbat) race

KATHARINE HAIMISH

Four teams. Eighteen miles. And one of the most difficult competitions human beings have ever attempted. Over the course of their journey, contestants will criss-cross Vancouver, running from one Shabbat dinner to the next, without the aid of modern transportation, money, laptops or (gasp!) cellphones. They will consume 30 bowls of chicken soup, 50 plates of coleslaw, dozens of misshapen latkes and five litres of Wineberg's Absolut vodka (or Crown Royal, depending on what's left). It will be a gruelling experience that many will not survive. At each stage of the race, there will be obstacles in their way and challenges they will have to meet. Those who fail will be eliminated at the end of every round. But those who successfully complete the course WILL WIN a dream home in Shaughnessy – complete with two-car garage, a fully stocked kosher kitchen and $5,000 worth of Israel Savings Bonds.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Amazing Shabbat Race. Let's meet our contestants.

As the children of a Conservative rabbi, Yitzhak, Chaim and Yehudi Manieschewitz have a natural edge in this competition. They've been to more Shabbat dinners than you or I could shake a stick at – and their skills are finely honed.

"I don't know about my brothers – but I'm in this to win," said Chaim. "I'm in it for the adventure – and to prove to my parents that I'm not some kind of namby-pamby sissy boy who can't act like a man. OK, so I'm only 12. I'm not a man, just yet. But I'm ready to belly up to the dinner table and take charge."

Actor Ely Spielberg has appeared in countless toothpaste commercials and two dinner-theatre productions off Commercial Drive. His real name is Adam Finkleman.

"I changed it to make myself more marketable in the industry," Ely/Adam confided. "Up there maybe they won't notice I'm not actually related to Stephen. Of course, what I really want to do is direct."

Ely's teammate is Michael "Mikey" Or-Mentzen, a waiter at an upscale Vancouver eatery on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday nights (after 6 p.m. in the winter and 9ish in the summertime). Mikey said if he and Ely win, they'll split the house down the middle, transforming half of it into a bar and half into a musical theatre venue.

Natasha Goldberg and Melanie Goldblatt, best friends since childhood. They started eating lunch together after they realized that their last names were almost the same. "We're like sisters now," said Melanie. "Nobody is going to come between us – and nobody else is going to win this race!" Natasha agreed, although she conceded that her inability to eat any foods that are white in color ("listen, I'm seeing someone, OK?") may prove to be an obstacle.

Finally, Kitty and Harold Berger. Recently separated parents, they think maybe this contest could help them discover their long-lost love. "You know what they say," said Kitty. "The family that sits down for a meal together in the presence of God – they really stay together. And look, here we have four meals to eat. It's truly a blessing!" When contacted by Amazing Shabbat Race producers for a comment, Kitty and Harold's two children said they had never heard of the pair.

Now our teams have gathered at the starting point, in the parking lot of the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver. So far Kitty and Harold aren't talking – let's hope that changes after they get a few drinks into them! Melanie is doing a last-minute check of her nails. It's clearly important that there are no protuding cuticles. We can see Ely and Mikey – the most athletic of the bunch – doing a few final stretches.

Host Philter Kogan has the starting whistle to his lips. "Are you ready, teams?" he shouts. "GO!"

There is a flurry of limbs as the teams run helter-skelter to the street corner. It's Ely and Mikey in the lead, followed swiftly by the Manieschewitz children. Natasha isn't as fast in high heels, and Kitty and Harold are positively dawdling. It's key for all the teams to make it as quickly as possible to their first stop. Those who don't make it to the final dinner may be eliminated!

Who will win The Amazing Shabbat Race? The anticipation is killing us too! Tune in next Purim to see what happens....

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